Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

Finished my third exam this morning. One more to go before the final at the end of the month.

Went clothes shopping (it was only for one dress, but now have two and some shirts). Dinner had to change three times because of amount of time, so we're having Ikea meatballs tonight.

Mood is pretty good. That was a good thing as my husband woke up grumpy and in pain, so I was the calming influence for the day. He did calm down after we were out for a while. Just rolling with the changes, I guess.

Anxiety was kinda bad today. Not particularly during the day but after I went to bed my whole body started to feel like it's vibrating and I would stop breathing. I mean I have this sensation often right before drifting to sleep but right now it's very uncomfortable.

Took the wrong pre-test this morning after I finished studying. It doesn't count, though, so I'm not too worried about it. PowerPoint isn't as bad as Access, but it has its quirks.

Most of the day has been spent writing poems, for both my website and a new book. I figure that I'm going to put together some poems dealing with my midlife and self-publish. I'm also going to do some promotion for my FB page, and see where it goes from there. For a few dollars a poem, it's not too bad. There's a writer's workshop and a poetry day at my college in April, so I'll be doing that as well. The biggest thing is try to allocate time for different things, plus down time.

Dinner is in the slow cooker, so no rushing this evening. I'll take a shower and chill out some more. I seem to be doing better, and that's good.

worried about taking a new medication

Kind of shaky at the moment. Nothing bad has happened, but I feel rejected and adrift for some reason.

today was rough to say the least, started a new medication yesterday and I've been nauseous every since. Its subsided some, but Ive already had a few panic attacks from the nausea.

Finished my last app exam this morning. Final exam starts on the 26th. It's online, so I can take it between then and March 1st.

Did the grocery shopping for this week and next week. Kids will be home so I'm making the gut-bomb cheesy enchiladas. The family loves them, but it's a lot of dairy.

Otherwise I've been writing more poems, and reading other people's poems as well. I just need to rest for a little bit.

Anxiety is down but there's been this sense of dread popping up. Not sure why.

I’m still working because I haven’t gotten much done. I’m bothered by an upsetting problem with my house. It’s going to be a hard week or two.

Had a relatively good day by my standards but still feel a bit numb after a panic attack yesterday. Just makes me feel crazy. Yet, something in me seems to think I've actually turned a corner. We'll see.

Wow, six inches of snow this morning. It's sunny and bright now with all the snow glistening.

Spent the morning putting together another ditty from music loops. I think I may be getting better, but I'll need to learn more.

Going to take a shower and read later.

Anxiety is down for a bit. It's nice to relax!

Going okay, thanks. Managed to bounce back after a day of inner struggle yesterday and my walk went well. Enjoyed walking in the drizzly rain today. I think I'm making steady progress [fingers crossed].

If you've at all been following the last ten days or so I have contentedly been on cloud nine with very little in the way of worry.

Not so now...

I am worrying right now about every little thing, petrified that all the good that has come to me will in one fell swoop be taken away. I am in a bit of a panic.

Daughter's 21st birthday today.

Started with everyone in the kitchen making omelets and hash browns. My husband and I thought we haven't been that stressed in a while. It all turned out good. She opened our presents--77 professional grade markers in all. She's been wanting them for years and was ecstatic. She's spending the rest of the day drawing and coloring. We're going to a casual Mexican restaurant later this evening. Daughter's boyfriend and his parents are joining us. As long as his older brother doesn't invite himself we should be good.

We also got her state ID done so she can be legit. Still have to do the military ID thing, but that will be next week.

Meanwhile I've been trying to get into something creative, but I've been stressed and unable to focus. I also have a headache from sweating so much, I think. So just chilling out until this evening.

Anxiety has been up and down. Hopefully won't be bad later on.

Wow, ten days is pretty amazing, but yeah, I'm not surprised it didn't last. Hopefully you can climb back to a good place within yourself. Just keep going and trying, come back to an optimistic frame of mind, and do your best - that's what I do. Hang in there, sorry you're struggling.

Been somewhat productive. Wrote more poems and finished another simple song. My husband has been reorganizing the file server, so it took a while to find it.

I'm finding that I can sit at the desk/table less because my neck hurts more. I'll have to pull some book and get the monitor to sit closer to eye level.

Other than that I've been worried about various things. We have a good dinner for my daughter's birthday, but my husband said I sounded meaner. I also had a couple of sips of wine, but couldn't drink more before I had a buzz and felt groggy. Looks like I can't even have a small amount of alcohol. My daughter had a mixed drink and was okay. At least her boyfriend was sober and brought her home.

So just anxious, but manageable.

I am feeling a little anxious about the move... Like a buyers remorse. I still think I am doing the right things but am feeling a little nervous...

Wrote more poems and did four loads of laundry. Felt really tired and limbs were heavy and sore. It seems to have worn off, but now my husband is sick. Hopefully this won't last long.

Quiet day otherwise.

Mood is kind of off, though. I think the short period of physical illness threw things around, though.

Very, very, very HIGH anxiety! Will it ever end?

Was a bit anxious this morning -as always before going to school.. - but music helpled me a lot calming down

Still anxious over health issues, bit otherwise okay.

I started taking a medication for something else that really knocked out my anxiety so I haven't posted here in awhile. The medication caused extreme sleeplessness so my pdoc has taken me off of it. Expecting the anxiety back any day now. It was a nice break while it lasted. I look wistfully at those not afflicted with crippling anxiety.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling today.

People said hello or smiled at me while I was walking. Means I don't look so tense I think, and I've been feeling a bit more grounded the past couple of days. I hope this is some kind of turning point. We'll see.

I did a meditation and it opened up a bunch of childhood memories. Not good ones, either. I wrote a lot of poems and it cleared my mind a bit.

Husband and I are going out to dinner. Fondue, yum! We couldn't get a reservation for tomorrow so we're doing it tonight. Kids are going to daughter's boyfriend's house since his mom's birthday is also tomorrow.

Anxiety is going up and down so I'm rolling with it.

pretty rough, hand a really bad anxiety attack last night due to other health issues. I haven't had one in a while and now I'm on edge about it. Extremely worried I'll get another one. Not to mention I haven't been to school in two days and don't know when or if I'll be able to go back.

Anxiety still off the charts!