Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

Hang in there KYWoman, you'll get through your situation in one piece. Keep pluggin' away. Everything chops and changes.

Well, I'm still optimistic [why, I'm not sure] but had a rough day today. As soon as there are people present I'm triggered into an almost psychotic low, it's horrendous. Meds are helping to a degree but I'm still not functioning at the level I'd like to. I'll have another natter with my doctor the next time I see him. Feels like I'm just clutching at straws now though.

My dad called and say they are taking him to the hospital because he didn't feel well at work. I think it's his blood pressure. I feel anxious

Spent most of the morning with a sinus headache and an upset stomach. My hairdresser texted me to come in early, so I did that to take my mind off my head. I feel a little better now, but kind of sad I didn't get anything productive done.

Have I mentioned before I can't trust the good in my life? I am anxious today wondering when the axe will fall.

And now it's Day 2, except the pain has lasted into the afternoon.

At least I'm only cooking for two tonight.

Keeping anxiety down, because it'll feel worse if I don't.

Anxiety stay away from me. I've had all I can handle!

Wish I could find the "off" switch to my anxiety today. It's making me miserable this morning.

The driving anxiety is improving.

Started back on Lexapro last week (10mg for 1 week, 20mg since this Monday) ago due to some GAD showing its face and coming out as extreme anger. Think Lex is working because had a huge family fight last night and I did not even feel a slight need to lose it.

Arrrgh--woke up at 2:30AM and couldn't go back to sleep because my mind decided we had black mold in the house and that's making us all sick. My husband said he hasn't found any but that was before the roof leak so who knows. Finally got my chest to finally relax this afternoon. Haven't had an anxiety attack like that in a while.

We went to our favorite burger place, picked up drinks at the bookstore, and walked the mall for a bit. Back and feet were hurting a little after that. Making meatloaf for dinner so that's cooking. Will have to think of a side but that's about 45 minutes away.

Had a fairly good day by my standards. My anxiety/panic wasn't triggered and I had a real feeling of "okay, it's possible life could become enjoyable again." Remaining hopeful.

Last night and today, I'm feeling better about an anxiety thing, and kind of worse about a grad school / ADHD thing. But feeling better about the anxiety thing is making me feel calmer and more like I'll be able to handle things. I think I need to remember that if I let myself feel "okay" about certain things, it will help. This is the first "check-in" I posted in. Kind of nice because I just wanted to tell someone this

I've started participating on this forum more lately. I'm a little anxious about the idea of anyone I know coming on here and finding some post that is somehow identifying to me. It would have to be a close enough friend that they already know some of what I've posted on here. But there are things I've posted on here that I don't want to tell anyone IRL, at least not now.

My right leg has been hurting for a couple of days. I suspect strained and tight muscles but of course it just doesn't end there.

Even though I slept well last night, I still took a nap. My husband is taking my daughter to her friends later, then stopping at the store. I haven't decided whether to go or not. My anxiety is worsening and that means I want to isolate more.

My anxiety has been through the roof. I will be taking a trip and plane ride later this week. I'm not someone who likes a change in routine, and I fear being in a confined space with strangers.

Took my fluoxetine in the night today to see how it would be and it just kept me up. I am now finally coming down and feeling better (for now). Reading these forums calms me right down.

I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself in the past few days. I'm doing quite well so far, but I'm constantly feeling anxious... even after I've achieved something. I just can't keep calm.
My heartbeat is always too fast no matter what I'm doing, and I feel physically and mentally exhausted.

I have too many thoughts even for this post, arg.

Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between getting a cold and anxiety. That's frustrating since what to do about it is different.

And I kinda wish there was also an ADHD daily check-in. There doesn't seem to be as much support in that section.

PC is kind of nice but also maybe just one more distraction?

Well, I'm done. Kind of.

I told my current T that I'm going to see a new T. He was rather shocked. He really didn't want me and my husband to stop seeing him, but that is not his call. I've been with him for over 6 years. We've done a lot of work, but we've reached a plateau and I need a different approach. Depending how the new T works out I'll have my final session with him a month from now. It wound me up quite a bit and took a while to calm down. Thankfully we did grocery shopping afterwards so I've now relaxed. It was touching and a little sad but he was proud of me.

It was a big step for me. Normally I just stop going and don't answer the phone/email but I felt that I should at least give us some closure. My husband also mentioned that I did most of the work, but that T validated my feelings and my approach to things. I'm grateful for that, in at least I have a little more self-confidence.

So with that I step into the great unknown. I meet a new T tomorrow, but may not work with her. Another called to see when I was available and hopefully set up an appt. next week. I contacted a few more via email, but they may not be in because of the holiday.

It feels like I'm doing the right thing. I sure hope so.

Another awful, awful day today, it's never going to end. There's something fundamentally wrong with me, I can not do people. The worlds nice, the trees, the birds, the sky, the sea, etc., - it's just the people I can't stand! It's a terrible weakness unfortunately, my goodness. I don't know if I'll ever overcome this. I'm psychotic! But I manage as best I can on my own. Some days are better than others so that's good.

Been terribly nervous about getting our taxes done. Well, I did them yesterday and felt better for a little while. Now I'm nervous again. Oh well.

Yesterday was frustrating. Had to go to the pharmacy three times and I finally have all but one med, which is special ordered. I'm not going to get the prescription-stength melatonin so I'll have to work on something else for sleep. Thankfully I had a script for Lunesta so I can take that.

The T yesterday was what I expected. I only got out one sentence before she told me what was wrong and what I needed to do. I want to explain things but couldn't get a word in edgewise. It was so I was gripping the edge of her desk and wanting to escape.

My husband was really frustrated as well. He couldn't get his aqua therapy done and as he did all the driving he had to deal with a lot of rude people. This T also closed the door in his face even though I said he can join me.

Today was better. I slept a lot. My daughter has a new ID so she can get to the base hospital and pharmacy. Despite my worrying everything was okay. I thought she was getting annoyed at me. Hard to let go sometimes.

Have appt. for next new T on Monday. I also need to study for my final, but I'm just really tired still.

It always amazes me how much my emotions can change within one day, and also how my emotions affect how time seems to move.
I had a terrible morning and I was so anxious and didn't want to get out of bed. It was only like 2 hours but it felt like forever.

But I finally got myself out of the house to swim, then had lunch with a friend (which had been planned). But probably the best part is that my friend ended up coming to my apartment to do work while I did work, so I finally focused for a couple hours this evening, which was a big improvement based on how this week has been. Now I'm feeling calmer and more hopeful and like I can breathe again, and I see T tomorrow, which is good.

Big Hugs to anyone who needs them...

My next two weeks are very busy for me, starting with an almost impossible work project and numerous obligations. It will be a challenge to keep my anxiety under control. I have to keep a mindset of acceptance and partnering with the chaos of the busy time and not letting my mind make me fight it and hide from it.

Been studying most of the mornings. I'll go through the review modules a few more times before I take the final. Most of them aren't that bad, but the last two are over fifty questions.
I seem to either remember a lot or manage to figure it out, so that's good.

I need patience, though. There are still many things to do. Trying to keep my head from stirring up a storm.