Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

My daughter is having some bad up and down times these last few days and could use all the good thoughts towards her you are willing to give...

Hugs and love to your daughter, CallMeRaven.

Today was busy. Did a lot of cleaning and laundry, plus studied for my final exam.

Anxiety is down for the moment. I see a new T tomorrow morning so hopefully I can stay calm.

Had initial consult with another new T. It went okay and she left it open for another appt. Trying to line up a consult with a third T who has EMDR experience. See if that works, otherwise I'll go back to the second one.

Was amped up about this appt. so I spent the afternoon playing with music loops plus yet another load of laundry. We go through a lot of clothes it seems.

Anxiety is a little up, but I'll be alright.

A bit worry that my dad goes back to work tomorrow after having a week off. After he's hospital visit, he went to the doctor and was given medicine for blood pressure and they told him he was close to prediabetes.

Went and got my driver’s license renewed yesterday (it’s early morning here). Glad that’s over with. The anxiety and negative thoughts were bad though and I’m stressed out. It’s exhausting! I just want to go to sleep, sleep 8 hours and hope that resets things.

Sending hugs to those that need them.

Hugs to those that want them.

I got 100% on my final. I'm just happy it's done.

Prospective T number 2 will hopefully call me this afternoon.

Just trying to chill out. I was wound up for the final so now trying to calm down.

I am having a hard trouble with being alone.

I was alone for eight years and it was not a big problem. Now, not yet four months since my boyfriend and I have been together I feel loneliness - and apprehension. My boyfriend is out of town this week and I am hating it. I really miss him and feel lost in loneliness. I am also quite anxious. I am far more edgy and I am feeling quite vulnerable; a sensation new to me I can't quite describe. I was actually afraid last night. I brought the dog into the bedroom with me and turned the tv on loud in the living room. This is such an unpleasant sensation and situation.

Slept through my class after promising myself I would go. Wasn't great today.

Woke up in the middle of the night again with anxiety, mind racing, afraid I would have a heart attack. Still shaky.

Another difficult night getting to sleep.

Freaking out about my 2 exams tomorrow. Trying to focus more on the one that's important to me (and about what I want to specialize in), and will probably retake the other exam in a couple of weeks.

I hate how much my anxiety affects my university studies.

Oh I understand this. No matter how much we prepare we never feel ready.

These are a few Thinking Styles that have been helpful to me.

(1) "I am not the first person to have this worry. Others have this worry and do well. I am at least as smart as they are so I will do well too."

(2) "I have been through worse and come out okay. The dominoes may not have always fallen in my favour but I am still here."

(3) You are discounting the Positive. "I am good at X,Y, and Z which is more important than A, B, and C. Therefore I will do okay in the end."

Hope one of these helps!

Filed our tax returns. Looks like going back to college was a big help. Now to just stop freaking out about being audited...

Picked up med, daughter's labs are done and I've been poked to oblivion at the periodontist's. "Oh, your mouth looks great," jab jab jab...

Going to settle down before dinner. I'm making chili but may have some bread to reduce the acid in my stomach.

Thankfully tomorrow won't be as stressful.

In that place of struggling to view life [my life] in a positive, constructive way. Emptiness and hopelessness. But I have a new doctor now, who is more sympathetic to my situation, more proactive, which I'm 'happy' about.

Well a bit of positivity for a change. My boyfriend comes home today from a week away on business. That is still hours away but the worry is already lifting.

Only had to take the cats to the vet today...turned into a shopping binge for our bed. My husband also had to get a foam topper for his cot downstairs. At least he was able to nap for a couple of hours. I was busy washing bedlinen and listening to my daughter talk about her best friend having problems in college again.

I've finally taken a shower and ready to relax until the vet's office calls.

My husband decided to roast a chicken tonight instead of tomorrow night. He needs clothes so we're going to a store tomorrow instead of him ordering online. We still need to plan the rest of this month financially as I wasn't expecting to spend a chunk of money on bed stuff, and we don't need any more impulse buys.

I'm kind of grumpy but I'll be alright.

Feeling more relaxed now after several hours of battling intense intrusive thoughts, painful thoughts, that are generated by the toxic shame I carry. Finally had to lie on my bed in the dark for an hour and that fixed it [for now], thank goodness. Hasn't been this bad for a while but it's more or less gone now. Triggered, this time, by an ordinary conversation with my doctor, can you believe that? I don't know why it happens.

One of the stores I usually go to was asking customers if they want to be models for an in-house fashion show on Saturday. Of course I said, "Yeah, that sounds like fun..." WHAT WAS I THINKING??? I'm scared of being seen in public! I have to go back Wednesday morning to pick clothes. I may not answer the phone...

I saw T today so I hope I can get a grip on myself. I mentioned that the neural pathways for both anxiety and excitement are similar (if not the same). She agreed with that. So it's basically a matter of perspective.

At least my husband got clothes at another store.

Anyone else go from anxiety to depression? My anxiety is basically completely gone ATM... but I just go right into intense depression.

I'm anxious about therapy tomorrow even though I love going

Sowmageddon arrived over the weekend and right through until yesterday evening. I just dug my car out and cleared a path to the alley in the back. It was thigh high in places. I have places to be and am scared of getting stuck.

I'm fretting this evening about catching flu off of my boiler

Worried a bit about tomorrow. I have a presentation. I’m practicing observing uncomfortable sensations without trying to stop them.

I might be imagining people being annoyed with me at work. I’m not doing anything; I just think people are really busy right now. I react by feeling anxious when I really shouldn’t.

After a rough start this morning (physical issues), I was able to get to the store and pick my clothes for Saturday's fashion show. I'm still trying to feel excited about it.

I need to get off a couple of meds, but my regular doc is still on maternity leave and the doc covering her doesn't know my situation. Argh. One I shouldn't be on anymore, and the other isn't working and causing other problems.

Anxiety is still up.

In a strange state of mind this week. I feel like I should be anxious about something, but I am not sure what. It's like my mind is looking for anxiety.