[Storm]

Hi everyone,

My name is Ronni and I am new to this board. I hope no one minds if I jump right into a discussion, but I have some questions about OCD & Anxiety that I would really appreciate some feedback on.

Please allow me to share a little of my background: I am 18 years old and living with my mother and grandmother, both of whom are disabled. For several months now I have been having some suspicions about the possibility that I may be suffering from OCD and/or Anxiety. My symptoms are by no means new--in fact, I cannot remember a time when I have not felt the need to perform certain 'rituals' to keep bad things from happening. I've always known that this wasn't normal, but I guess I never had a name for it until now. I remember first reading about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder in a teen magazine, of all things. There was an article about a girl who suffered from severe OCD and had to do things like checking the stove every night to make sure it wasn't on, and had to be out of hearing range when a car started because the noise freaked her out, things like that. I remember being scared, and thinking that her symptoms sounded a lot like my 'rituals' that I did regularly. I was worried about coming clean with my parents, that they might think I was crazy. And I wasn't certain that I even had OCD, and didn't want to start a fuss over nothing. Therefore, I didn't say anything. That was all a few years ago. Now that I am older, I would like to find out more information about the condition and, if I have it, treatment options. But I'll come back to that later.

Here are some of my symptoms. From what I have read thus far (and I admit to having limited resources due to the small, rural area I live in), many of them sound a lot like OCD. Example: having to do things (such as crunches or washing my face) in a sequence of numbers (3, 7, 11, 17 and so on). Having an aversion to certain colours and/or words (such as "yellow"--I don't like to see it or read it, so it is with some difficulty that I write it here. "Thick" and "Moist" are also 'bad' words). Having to repeat certain words under my breath (I'd say them out loud, but people would look at me weird). Having to touch certain things, usually in a numerical sequence. Having to check things over and over, because I am so worried that I made a mistake, or (with writing) that somehow I temporarly lost control of myself and said something horrible, and don't remember it. Worried that I might (again) lose control and attack someone or something, for no appearent reason (which is very weird, because I am not a violent person. I'm usually quite cheerful). Backing out the car is no fun at all, because I have to keep checking that I haven't run something over (I'm especially concerned about my cats).

These aren't all of my symptoms, but you get the idea. Really not normal, I guess. Sometimes I get what feel like some sort of panic attacks--I become very nervous, my heart starts pounding, I get dizzy and see bright 'pulses' of white light, I start to shake and I feel like I can't breathe. My EKG results have turned out to be normal, so I assume it's not related to organ failure. But it really becomes a bother sometimes. I can never tell when it's going to happen (although crowded places are a favourite target). Arg.

I admit trying to ignore these symptoms for so many years, hoping that they would go away, or that simply I would learn to live with them. But lately, they seem to be getting worse. Because my parents are physically disabled, quite a bit of responsibility is shouldered on me, so it can get very difficult sometimes, you know? I don't want to complain, but I am at a loss as to what to do. My doctor doesn't seem to think I have a problem, that "anxiety is normal" at my age. I feel helpless that he won't take me seriously, and because I am at a financial disadvantage, my insurance is making it hard to switch doctors. I also have to added concern about college coming up, and I am not certain how my symptoms will react to this new environment (I've been homeschooled for many years, so having classmates will be a renewed experience for me).

So, I guess my main questions are: does it sound like I am suffering from OCD and/or Anxiety? Now, I'm not looking for an online diagnosis, but I would really like to hear your personal opinions about my concerns. I am wondering about what I might do about my doctor, and what treatments might help. I really would prefer not to take pill if I could avoid it (I have a great fear about large pills....choking experience left me scarred for life...), but I really want to get better. I am also wondering about how to break the news to my family if I do have OCD. I've already told my mother about my suspicions and she supports me 100%, but my grandmother seems to think that it's a joke. She (my grandmother) considers OCD to be a form of 'laziness', due to the fact that my great-aunt suffered from the same illness (she was an obsessive horder and couldn't throw anything away). Is it possible that it runs in families?

So, if anyone has any opinions or advice for me, I would be ever so grateful. I hope I have I haven't smothered any of you with my problems, but I really could use a little support.

Thanks for reading, folks.

Sincerely,

Ronni

Your shadow is laughing.
<div class="foot">(Edited by Storm on 07/19/04 02:15 AM.)</div>

[krzyk101]

Hi, Ronni

Welcome to the support forums. You have came to the place for support with this. I am glad you are here, and do hope you will continue to post and let us know how you are doing.

I am diagnosed with anxiety disorder more of the panic type, though have many OCD tendencies. As you said you are not looking for an on-line diagnosis, only some advice. I do know that with my anxiety the OCD seems to come in part with it. The panic seems to set it off also at times.

You said the Doctor you went to said you had no anxiety issues, was this a General Practitioner or a Psychiatrist? Many times when I first began in this I had a GP, and it wasn't until I had an evaluation by a pDoc to diagnose me correctly. I would say it would be good to see about a Therapist who works with a Psychiatrist who could better determine if they thought you needed to see a pDoc.

I at one time had many fears or phobias over numbers (6's or at times anything close to a 6 or a multiple of 6) and would avoid things that had or contained such number.

The EKG being normal sounds very familiar to me as at one time I was going to the ER on literaly a weekly basis over obcessing that I was ill and dying or having a heart attack. Simple constipation became a Bowel Obstruction or possible Colon Cancer to me. I could not stop obcessing of my health and a list of many other things.

Since they have adjusted my medications a few months ago ( I understand your feelings and fears on medication) I have not been to the ER at all. I have done less ritual activities, and have had fewer panic attacks. I am also working with a social worker twice a week in combination of the medications, which has helped me.

It does indeed sound to me from my own experiences that your post does to me sound like you appear to be suffering from anxiety of course I am not a professional only a fellow person who suffers from anxiety issues along with other mental disorders.

I am sorry this is so long I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, and that I hope you can get a therapist or someone to help ease the stress this is putting on you, and causing you to feel so anxious- Best to you- Chris

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[Butterfly_Faerie]

For the anxiety symptoms that you are feeling, it does sound like anxiety too me... heart palpatations, racing thoughts, sweating ,trembling, nervousness, upset stomach etc are all symptoms of anxiety.

My EKG tests did not come back normal for me, I have sinus arrythmia and has nothing to do with my anxiety.

There is treatment for anxiety, therapy, meds, CBT, exposure therapy etc.
The more you ignore the things or places that make you anxious the worse off you will be, never avoid them no matter how scary it is. For me anticipatory anxiety is the worse, once i'm out the door doing something then it does go away. Facing your fears is the only way to really get rid of anxiety, even though medication does help with the symptoms.

As for the OCD those could also be indications what you were saying.

Have you thought about going to a doctor to get a diagnosis if that is what you are suffering from?

Also self help books on anxiety helped me out, and there are alot of books on OCD as well.. at least that would be a start if seeing a doctor is out of the question at the moment.

One thing that you would have to watch for is reading up on something like symptoms as then thinking you have them when it might be something completely different. Becareful not to self-diagnose, alot of people have done that, a good friend of mine kept doing this, and she was diagnosed with something completely different.

I wish you the best of luck with this.... Take care.

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[Storm]

Hi everyone,

Thank you all so much for your advice and support--it's really comforting to hear from people who have the same problems as I do. I didn't know that it was possible to have OCD & Anxiety at the same time. I had read that OCD is a type of anxious disorder, so somehow I assumed that they were the same thing. Boy, nothing's ever simple, is it?

About my doctor, yes, he's a GP. He doesn't seem to think anything is wrong, despite the fact that I've gone to him on numerous occasions to discuss my concerns with my health. With all due respect to him, I'm beginning to think he is not qualified enough to discern whether or not I have an anxiety disorder.

So, I'm pleased to announce that I've made an appointment with a local psychiatrist who accepts my insurance. Hopefully I'll get some answers soon, and treatment if I need it. Hah, it'll be funny to see my grandmother's reaction. She thinks only people who are "quacked out" go see the "head doctors". I should start crossing my eyes and walking sideways, maybe stick my tongue out and tell her about "the aliens"....o_O

About the EKG, my GP sent me to have one after I told him about my symptoms of elevated heartbeat, nervousness, shaking, dizziness, vision obscurity, rapid breathing, and pressure in my head & chest. I was then sent to the hospital for an EKG. The doctor viewed my EKG and said it looked "interesting" ( a word that should invoke terror in any hapless patient) and sent me to go have some sort of heart scan. Because I have a half-brother who has a slight heart problem, I was numb with worry while the nurse rubbed some sort of warm jelly over my chest and swirled around a wand with a ball on the end of it to take pictures of my heart. The hospital sent the pictures and recordings over to my doc and he gave me the all clear, so that's how I came about getting the tests.

I have to say, considering my immense fear of illness, the experience was quite the torture trip. Oh, I despise hospitals. I'm actually not so afraid of getting or giving illness, than I am of sick people in general. Especially vomiting, I am terrified of it. I go into full-blown panic attack when I know someone is sick nearby. I remember when my mother got back from the hospital, she was sick from all of the medication they gave her. I thought I'd die from the stress. Would that be considered OCD or a phobia, I wonder?

So, I'm making a list of my symptoms for the doctor visit (scheduled July 30th). I feel optimistic about getting some help, and I can only hope that the visit will be fruitful.

Thank you all again for the advice and support you've shown me. I've been doing some surfing around the web for information, so hopefully I'll come to the doctor prepared. I also took two of the tests offered on this site (one for OCD and one for Anxiety), and well....I scored 35 on anxiety and 20 on OCD. I suppose those are pretty strong results, and I'm doubly glad I made the appointment. I'll continue to come to this board for the great support, and I hope I'll be able to help other people out, too. If anyone else has any more advice or opinions, please feel free to share, as I'd love to hear them. Take care, folks.

Sincerely,

Ronni


Your shadow is laughing.