issues

its no secret that i have trust issues here on PC.......... i only let a few people close, that way i don't get hurt............ (like i was before)
when i first came to PC , many years ago.......i was trusting and that got me caught up in site politics.... i wont let that happen again.
but i have been reading lately about abuse on PC.......... and i have read quotes like, sometimes those who were abused , become the abuser........
it maybe just me, but that quote triggers me so much........... i was abused when i was younger and i live with that scar every day. ... . . . but those who know what is going on in my life just now, i hope can see why i am getting triggered........ or am i just paranoid......

if this is the wrong thread , im sorry and feel free to move or even delete

dec

i fully understand why it triggered you....i'm glad that you posted your feelings....love you

im not explecting many replies to this post, but i had to sort of stand up and say " it hurts to read such things"

(((((((((((((((((((((((julia)))))))))))))))))))))) thank you for being my friend

dec x0x

and i'm glad you stood up dec.....i think you said what some others wanted to but couldn't......

((((((((((((((( dec ))))))))))))))

I so understand how you are feeling. While maybe that statement is true in some situations, it most definitely is not true in all. It's not fair to be lumped in together...each person, each situation is different as night and day.

I'm really sorry you are feeling triggered. I hope I have never said or never will say anything that hurts or triggers you or anyone else here.

Warm thoughts going out to you!


sabby

therealme, I wish I knew which thread you were talking about. I just have a big question mark in my head right now.

But whatever the case, I'm sorry you're getting triggered in a place that you've come to for help. The difficult subject matter covered here can make this difficult to avoid.

I hope you feel better soon.

Cyran0

(((((Dec)))))))))

How that comment triggers me too....people who dont know what they are talking about or have NEVER been abused obviously....quite the opposite my friend, poeple who have been abuse go out of their way to be different, more compassionate human beings,,,,,know you have MANY friends here and I'm glad you posted what you did......

Jin xxx thinking of you EVERYDAY ,,,,,,,,

I'm going to go way out on a limb here and say that the statement is very true. It isn't an absolute and those who escape the cycle are so fortunate.

Triggers are difficult. They are actually everyday things, words, scents, objects, situations that affect the individual because of the individual's experiences. When I am triggered, that is about me. It isn't about the person who innocently supplied what triggers me.

For me a word can be a trigger; or an innocent television commercail, a movie ad, a joke, an object... It's not avoidable but something for me to learn to deal with, because it is about me, my feelings/memories/panic that get stirred up.

I don't think anyone intends or hopes to trigger me, so I could never blame that person when it happens. It isn't happening outside of me, but within me.

if they're ok.

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therealme said:i have read quotes like, sometimes those who were abused , become the abuser........

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Sometimes. Not always.

Why do you feel the need to speak for others? I too wish I could defend my friends but not one of us here are all seeing, all judging beings.

Most of the time, the best we can do is work on OUR stuff!!!!

ECHOES post was excellent. If more people here had an attitude of looking within instead of pointing fingers obsessively, this place would be much happier.

((((((((((((( Dec ))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you've been hurt. None of this is your fault, either here or IRL.

In the interest of clearing up this debate, here's a good article:

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/n...become-abusers

The general thrust is that while the idea that male childhood abuse victims are more prone to becoming abusers themselves, the percentage is slightly lower than was originally thought.

Cyran0

fuzz i did not feel the need to speak for others but i do think that dec brought up an issue that some others might be to shy to talk about........and i do look inside myself everytime i read a post on these boards......

Dec,

You have been a member here before? A "returnee"? How come I didn't know that? I've been here myself a bit over three years. That's quite a long time! You know... that could be triggering in itself. Who were you before? (No need to answer. I'm not triggered.)

You've been reading about abuse on PC? So have all of us, I would think. After all, there's a whole forum dedicated to Abuse Survivors. Nothing new there. We all live with the scars and the issue of our abuse. I'm one of those people. I also live with the difficulties that the resulting depression and anxiety that came about because of the abuse I suffered.

I wasn't only homosexually and heterosexually raped, but I was made to believe that I was no good (verbal and emotional abuse.) Later on in life, I was made to believe that I was crazy, "schizo" I believe was the term. I was controlled to the nth degree. I read about it here on the forums from other people that have suffered the same injuries to their self.

One of my main triggers is when I hear that someone wants to be "put under glass and protected from anything that could touch them. The grandmother was always telling me that. She wanted to isolate me from the world. Can you imagine how long I would have lasted??? Not long!

One of my other main triggers is when someone tells me I don't know what I'm saying, that maybe I'm not thinking rationally. That happens quite a bit here on PC. Many of us, in an effort to support someone and give them a different perspective, get told that, or we read a post of one person telling an other that.

It took me 15 years of therapy to learn to cope with the abuse that was inflicted on me. One of the main things that I learned and a phrase that my T told me, although it hurt me deeply at the time, but I needed to hear it was Don't you think it's arrogant to think that everybody is looking at YOU, or everybody is talking about YOU, or that anything that is said or is done is always about YOU?" She gave me one of my greatest revelations, and now I can live my life mostly without triggers. She continued... Honey, people are too busy living their own lives and trying to solve their own problems to give you a second thought! Talk about a shocker! Did that bring me down a notch or two? You better believe it! I didn't want to ever be thought of arrogant, much less paranoid.

That little bit of wisdom made it easier for me to live without most of my triggers.

Something that I've learned while being a member here at PC is that Doc John, in his wisdom and his limits, can't and won't protect us from every little bit that could upset us or hurt us. It's impossible! We can't live our lives "under glass." There is isolation that is hurtful but mostly, there would be NO GROWTH in us. We have to learn to deal with the things each day brings us. We have to learn to take responsibility for what we do, what we see, what we read and what we hear. We also have the responsibility to take the best care we know how of OURSELVES and not expect everybody else to do it for us. They won't... pure and simple. They're too busy with their own lives.

Did you stop to think that maybe the poster that triggered you doesn't read what YOU post? How can this poster be held accountable for that? He/she can't! There's just too many posts and to many posters to know who reads what? Maybe the poster gets triggered by what you post so they stay away from your posting. Ever think of that?

We really do need to stop and do a reality check when something triggers us or is unpleasant for us to read and stop taking everything so personally!

Cyrano, the post in question is in a protected forum on this site. That's why you haven't seen it. So you see, MY feelings are that this subject shouldn't have been brought up in the open forum, but since it did, I felt I needed to address it.

Now THAT could have "triggered" me in the fact that my confidentiality/privacy was once again broken. My mom used to go into my room and find things that I had written and took them as gospel. They were just my purile attempts at being a writer.

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therealme said:

its no secret that i have trust issues here on PC.......... i only let a few people close, that way i don't get hurt............ (like i was before)
when i first came to PC , many years ago.......i was trusting and that got me caught up in site politics.... i wont let that happen again.
but i have been reading lately about abuse on PC.......... and i have read quotes like, sometimes those who were abused , become the abuser........
it maybe just me, but that quote triggers me so much........... i was abused when i was younger and i live with that scar every day. ... . . . but those who know what is going on in my life just now, i hope can see why i am getting triggered........ or am i just paranoid......

if this is the wrong thread , im sorry and feel free to move or even delete

dec [/quote

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SeptemberMorn said:
Dec,

You have been a member here before? A "returnee"? How come I didn't know that? I've been here myself a bit over three years. That's quite a long time! You know... that could be triggering in itself. Who were you before? (No need to answer. I'm not triggered.)

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i dont normally post replys to trm posts but where did you get he is a returnee i joined in oct 05 and not long after trm joined using same computer so doc john had to check out we werent the same person using two diferant names and when explained that we both suffer with mental health issues

i was wondering after rereading the whole post again you got that hes a returnee from this post he says when he first came to pc he means bk in 05

From here, Kathy. I may have misread because of the ... ...

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that way i don't get hurt............ (like i was before)
when i first came to PC , many years ago.......i was trusting and that got me caught up in site politics....

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((((((dec))))))))))))))))
I trust you , you have never let me down ever

((((((((((((((( Dec )))))))))))))))