Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

I just took double of my daily dose of ativan/lorazepam ... still within the adult daily max.

Why?

My anxiety is really high.

It started yesterday and is worse today.

I woke up at 3 am and couldn't get back to sleep.

Later today, I cooked a luncheon meal for my mom and our friend... and I'm worried they'll get food poisoning and die.... I feel I'm somatizing and have developed signs of food poisoning myself... I'm scared out of my wits... now I have some OCD happening, like if this happens then that won't happen. If I do something corrective then they won't get sick.

It's awful having anxiety....

This afternoon my anxiety is elevated. I've been dealing with a health anxiety situation for about 3 months and it's generally gotten much better lately. I'm going to clean up my diet to help just feel better physically. It's not terrible but can be better. I plan to start Monday and decided to eat a few of my favorite things before that. Unfortunately that includes caffeine and sugar, which is horrible for my anxiety. True to my normal anxiety MO as soon as one situation gets better or resolves a whole new situation starts. As my body isn't feeling terrible at the moment my anxiety has decided to worry about other things, which is sometimes does. This time it's finances. I know that one of the techniques suggested is to talk back to your anxiety and tell it the reality. I've never found that to work for me. Continuing to think about or talk back, just keeps the topic on my mind. I just need to detach and let the anxiety punch itself out. When I'm full of sugar and caffeine that's really hard.

I'm really at a point where my life situation is getting dire. I had been waiting for my dogs to pass and then I'd follow them. One died about 7 months ago. The other is doing well and should have a few years ahead. I just don't know that I do. Just when I start to feel positive about the future my anxiety knocks my progress backwards and I'm forced to start over from further back.

Anyway, today my anxiety is elevated and I'm tired.

i'm scared that my anxiety itself has got anxiety

Sound normal to have some anxiety.

I been having some high anxiety due to having the bathroom remodel which caused me and my niece to argue because she had asked me to remove the glue from carpet she pulled up leaving me to feel confused : banghead: and knowing what it is that she wanted from me .

Me too

I think the anxiety I'm feeling at the moment is actually fear. But I seem to be hiding, from myself, the reason I'm scared or what I'm actually afraid of.

Anxiety is low today which is good, but it's been replaced with a very depressed mood. Anxiety is trying to motivate me to get my life moving, but it does it my torturing me and I'm just tired of that. To the point that I'm almost choosing to ruin my life. I know what I have to do, but I don't know why I should bother.

Today has been one of the worst in a long time. I felt nothing most of the morning, then at lunch a huge anxiety spike and then a deep depression. I think it's all just getting too hard. I've been thinking that I might need to find a new home for my dog. I think we both hurt so much where things stand and she deserves better. I know not to make any big decisions like that, feeling the way I do. But nothing is getting better and something needs to change drastically. I guess I love her more that I love myself.

What a terrible day.

I have high really anxiety today.

I posted more about it here, if you're interested in reading about it and perhaps commenting:

Flashbacks from corporate world is causing intense anxiety...

Thanks!

No anxiety today or much of yesterday. Just very depressed. SAD and all that. Sorry to blather on.

I'm doing ok right now.

I am not doing well at all.

If I were not taking anti-psychotic medication, I would be experiencing psychosis right now.

My anxiety is extremely high, and I am wondering whether the medications will hold me back from the edge.

It's feeling unbearable.

I'm sorry, @TheGal, that it's that bad today. I hope you start feeling better pretty soon.

I want to go to the store today, if the weather permits it, but feeling the anxiety about going. I'm trying to strengthen my courage by imagining myself back home again & feeling glad I went.

I have trouble shutting my brain before sleep, cant get the anxiety off when I get to bed. Lately been trying out an app and found coloring helpful.

Thank you @Breaking Dawn, I really appreciate your kind words and care.

I took extra meds today and napped... I'm feeling a bit better and I also have a psychiatrist appointment next week. But I have to be mindful of my moods as it feels as though I could spin out of control in a very bad way and I am afraid.

@AgentQ9A ... just checking in with you... I was worried when I read that you were thinking of giving away your dog.

Do you have professional help?

Thanks @TheGal. I do not have professional help. I've seen a dozen therapists over the last 10+ years and they've never helped. Plus, now you can't get into see one and they cost an arm and a leg.

Giving up my dog is still a possibility. She single-handedly keeps me alive but my life isn't fair to her. Plus if she were safe with a better family, that makes decisions a little easier for me. Yesterday evening and today were a little better because my brain has slowed way down. I still need to get her into a vet for shots so at least I can get her kenneled if necessary. My life is pretty bleak (like everyone here) and I just don't see it getting better. The least I can do is make sure that she is OK.

Thanks again.

I remember well when I was thinking about giving away my cat and the thoughts I was having then still give me shudders.

You're right about therapy being expensive. Here are some online support groups which might be helpful:

Online Support Groups - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

HeyPeers - Where Peers and Support Groups Connect

Please, if you haven't seen a doctor about your depression, reach out to one asap. You need more support...

Best to you... I hope you feel better soon...

I've had some anxiety today. I just took .5 mg of Klonopin. I'm starting to feel anxious again. It's time for my nighttime meds. I need sleep.

I hope you can keep her because you sound like a wonderful caring person with an affinity with animals.

I feel like that myself

I believe you regarding how hard it is to get in to be seen and pay for therapy.

for the links