Really nervous about starting new job

I'm really nervous about starting my new job this Wed. I've been unemployed for 15 months due to getting treatment for alcoholism and mental illness. I've got a job with a really small company (biotech startup) and there are only 5 of us in the office. I've met all of the other people who work in the office and they seem all really nice and outgoing and friendly. But in my last job I worked in a huge corporation, and I could basically go in and hide in my office and do my work, I'm an accountant, with minimal social interaction. They're big into team culture at this new company and with it being small I can't hide. It's also an open concept office, so I won't even be able to shut my a door.

I'm also really worried. I've already negotiated taking a 1/2 day off a week and working the hours over the rest of the week so that I can continue in outpatient treatment for my alcoholism, but I haven't told them what it's for other than it's outpatient. Eventually somebody is going to ask - they can't ask during the hiring process because it's illegal, but I know it's going to come up.

I'm also wondering if I'm ready to go back to work. Part of me feels ready, but I'm also really scared.

Part of this is doubting my own abilities too. I'll be the entire accounting department which means I'll have to do everything form payroll (which I know nothing about ) through AP / AR, govt remitances, and financial statement prep. I've been out of hands on financial accounting for years - the last 9 years I was working I was in corporate finance doing management reporting which is completely different. I'm already having stress dreams about messing up debit's and credits. At least I was totally upfront with them about how big a stretch this job is for me, from a technical perspective and they still hired me. I just don't want to totally screw it up and get fired in the first 3 months.

I know some of this is just normal new job jitteriness, but it's definitely making my already high anxiety levels spike.

---splitimage

honey relax the day before is always stressful i'm sure you will have a great first day and the anxiety will be gone i know you can do it it has happend to me many of times then the stress is gone once i feel good at work congrats on the new job wishing you all the luck in my secret pot of gold i hide from my fam lol j/k but best of luck luvs and hugs stephy

Almost the same thing happened to me when i went back to my high school for the first time 4 years ago...
Dont over-worry. i mean dont begin to worry before things get bad.

It always took me six months to get use to a new job. The first week, the last 2-3 jobs I had, I got a horrible somatic stiff neck from the stress; not good when you're trying to work on a computer all day! But it eases, takes awhile. Meeting people and knowing you can do the job isn't all there is to it. I always had all sorts of only semi-conscious ideas and expectations for myself, wouldn't give myself as much time to learn the job (even though it "sounds" doable I've never done THAT job!) and get to know the people (only one of me so learning my name is easier than learning all of theirs) and stuff like that as the actual people I was working with would. It was funny because I was really good friends with the last women I worked with for 8 years and we were talking and were all saying how they thought I hated one of the women when we first met, that I really treated her mean. I don't remember that, I know I never really liked/trusted another of the women and even had ugly dreams about her but that was never mentioned!

Splitimage: Maybe this new type of environment is the better one for you. Being able to shut yourself away in a larger corporate setting was contributing to the problems you had originally. Not necessarily caused them, but might have contributed to them. Being in a smaller, more open environment could help to keep other problems from re-surfacing. It might be a wonderful environment to be included in discussions and usually smaller groups share the loads more. At least that was my experience with small groups.

I am sure you will be great, but don't expect too much of yourself to start. We often are our own worst enemies expecting more of ourselves than the coworkers do.

=)

Keep talking to us splitimage so you'll have some thoughts and some of us to take with you Wednesday :-)

I use to do that many years ago, would be talking to friends from online groups like PsychCentral and be thinking about them even when grocery shopping. It helped a huge amount to carry them around with me, feel like they were with me and things were a little less frightening/anxiety producing. I could imagine what I'd tell them when I got home, etc.

OH (((((SPLITIMAGE)))))

I can identify - WHO EVER CAME UP WITH JOURNAL ENTRIES!!!!! ARGHHHH!

Funny enough, it will come to you.......I just recently started doing books at night for my ex's biz, and it's the same, I do it ALL not just reporting or managerial stuff. It's an eye opener and I've certainly learned ALOT!

I feel you too on the small office thing.....I work for a large firm that has that "hide in your office and work" same type of thing.

But, I often think about how nice it would be to have more interaction with people. So, that may be a plus for you! It could work out to your benefit.

And as for the asking about your outpatient thing - well - they already agreed to it so, if they ask, I would just politely say that you are working through some medical issues that need to be resolved and you would rather not say, since it is already difficult for you to deal with but that you are confident it will work out in your favor.

I think you will do great SPLITIMAGE! KEEP YOUR SPIRITS UP!

Thanks everybody. I'm having stress dreams about messing up debits and credits LOL. But all my friends and everybody in AA has been super supportive so I have lots of people cheering for me.

We talked about my going back to work in my support group this afternoon, and my Dr. was really adament that it's nobody's business about what I take time off for, as long as I'm working the negotiated hours / week and that I should just tell everyone who asks that I have a personal commitment on Mon. pm's.

I go to my last Tuesday morning treatment group tomorrow to basically say good bye to everybody. I'm really going to miss that group because I've been through so much with them over the past year.

And at least even though I feel reallly nervous about going back to work, I know that I'm ready to.

--splitimage

Hey if they ask, just say its personal. You don't have to let anyone know if you dont want to.

I hope your first day went well!