[vetswife]

I have this overwhelming feeling (anxiety maybe, i don't know). My four year old is sleeping at my Mom's for the first time tonight. I am off and on crying and my head feels like it's going to explode. My Mom has an inground pool (it is fenced in) I keep having these visions of him wondering out in the middle of the night and falling in it, the house catching on fire, or someone breaking in the house or him choking, just about every mothers nightmare you could imagine, but mostly the pool. I hate this. Everyone says to try to take a break from the kids, but I don 't consider this a relaxing break at all. I didn't want him to stay but it would have broke my heart to say no to him. I'm probably not going to get a good night sleep, if I can sleep at all.

Any tricks to stop this feeling?

You all probably think I'm being so stupid.

[skeeweeaka]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
vetswife said:
I have this overwhelming feeling (anxiety maybe, i don't know). My four year old is sleeping at my Mom's for the first time tonight. I am off and on crying and my head feels like it's going to explode. My Mom has an inground pool (it is fenced in) I keep having these visions of him wondering out in the middle of the night and falling in it, the house catching on fire, or someone breaking in the house or him choking, just about every mothers nightmare you could imagine, but mostly the pool. I hate this. Everyone says to try to take a break from the kids, but I don 't consider this a relaxing break at all. I didn't want him to stay but it would have broke my heart to say no to him. I'm probably not going to get a good night sleep, if I can sleep at all.

Any tricks to stop this feeling?

You all probably think I'm being so stupid.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You know I totally understand....just try to relax and focus on enjoying the day and remember he is enjoying himself. I'm sure your mother is quite protective of him and will watch him carefully....

It will me okay.....

TJ

[vetswife]

skeeweeaka

Thank you for your response.

I really needed someone to talk to last night and didn't have much support at all, by husband was mad at me for leaving our son at my Moms', making my overwhelming feelings worse then they already were. Thanks to last nights episode, I have a pounding head ache this morning. I can't wait to just get him home.

[Perna]

But, you "lived through" the night. Remember that for "next" time; nothing bad actually happened.

Sorry you didn't have any support last night. I tend to read good "escape" novels for me (science fiction/fantasy, young adult, some romance, etc.) when I'm feeling too anxious.

Criticize/poke holes in your fantasies of what could go wrong; actually picture your 4 year old trying to climb the fence in the middle of the night (after getting the heavy, locked door open without waking anyone) and think about yourself at 4 and your son's actions at other times and seriously wonder, "why would he do that?" Children have reasons too, they don't just arbitrarily do things because of "shiny objects," etc. They know when things are wrong and get frustrated easily with multiple difficulties (like locked doors and high fences).

Think of something you can do between now and the next time to help you feel better next time. Enroll your son in a swim class? My grandmother was in charge of watching me when we went to the pool when I was that age and taught me to "doggy paddle" from her chair at the side of the pool (she never put on a bathing suit, was always in a dress :-) Get in the water with your son and see how he "feels" about water; it's often a bit scary to kids, the depth and all. No one likes to get water in their mouth/not be able to breathe, etc. Get some "experience" with your son in the situations you are going to leave him in so you won't worry so much/will be better able to laugh at yourself/your fears.

[vetswife]

I know I've got to try to get over these feelings. One reason I think I get them is...

When my husband was in his accident. I asked and begged him not to take that bike ride. Just had this awful feeling all day. He went anyway; I tossed him the keys despite my feelings. Well he crashed and when I heard the sirens I knew it was him. So now every little bad feeling I have I think I have to listen to it and if I don't something bad will happen.

My son is petrified of the pool, he won’t go near it. When I try to bring him in it to teach him, he screams as though he was being stabbed. Sometimes kids do weird things for no good reasons, there was a kid down the street from my ex-husband, 4 years old wondered out of his house fell in the pool and drowned, the pool guy found him in the morning. Every nightmare story sticks in my head.

I know I'm going to have a long battle with these feelings I get when I don't have my kids under my roof, under my control, under my protection. It's so hard to let go, I'm sure it's only going to get harder as they get older.

Thanks for your encouragement and advice.

[MINIME]

I posted once but it didnt post. I wanted to say I know how you feel. I feel the same way. I reassure my selfby calling alot and checking on them.I also tellthe person there with my fears and make them reassure me what they will do to protect my kids. It does get easier. It has gotten alot easier for me.Mine are 9 and 12. As they grow and stuff it gets easier.Its normal to feel this way. I remember the tears and the panic and the worry I had when they were younger like your kids age. It felt like torture.Its so much easier now. Its not gone and probably never will be but definitly easier.Just call alot ok. Ask about pool sfatey and stuff even if you know it will reassure u.

[vetswife]

I have an 11 year old I was not as worried with him as I am with my two youngest. It's just something about them, they are a little wilder (especially the 4 yr old). I have a hard time with them. It was the first time he ever slept away from me (besides when I had my daughter). My Mom said he was great, so hopefully next time will be easier.

Thanks for your response! I was just really wigging yesterday.

[seeker1950]

vetswife...I can so totally identify with you. My daughter is grown now and has her own twins, age 6. But when my daughter was small, she was fearful of water, though I took her to swimming lessons every summer. I think my own fear of water projected onto her, and I also have great anxiety problems. She is in her late 20's now, and I don't think she can swim to this day, but had I let her stay with someone who had a pool, I would hve been frantic! So I totally understand!
I am supposed to have the twins for a few days in early August. I am already planning how I can assure my daughter of their safety and also insure this while they are here!
Patty

[BalishBun]

Stupid?? No no no no, not at all.