[ickydog2006]

For about 6 monthes I have been having panic attacks when I close my eyes. If I'm really tired I won't. But if I try any relaxation exercises with my eyes closed I panic. My choir also has practicing parts where we are supposed to have our eyes closed. So far it hasn't been to difficult to deal with cause I just won't close my eyes but now I'm having more difficulty. Even when I'm tired now and can't keep my eyes open I start to panic. It doesn't happen always but I'm starting to worry about it. What if it happens more often what if I can't fal asleep anymore.
Another problem I'm having is finding a new T. My last one wasn't helping me and I'm just worried about how to find another one. Any suggestions.......PLEASE

[Myzen]

Hi icky,

It is always amazing, how many tricks 'anxiety' has up it's sleeve. Back at the beginning, I couldn't sleep because the bed would spin as soon as I closed my eyes. It sounds like you are getting that unpleasant feeling now.

Then there's the fear that it'll get worse, always lurking in our minds.

Over the years, I have tried to accept that there were not many different fears for me to face, but just one fear - anxiety - and all it's tricks. I have tried to let myself experience the anxiety rather than try to avoid it, and I would sometimes do the things that would trigger it. It's not easy, but you can push it back.

Two years ago I went on a cross channel ferry during stormy weather - a lifelong fear of mine. Just looking past the harbour to those huge waves made me sick to my stomach. At first I chickened out and we drove back towards home. After about 50 miles, we stopped at a service station and had a coffee. I was feeling a little better, but guilty. The holiday was ruined.

I said to my (long suffering) wife, "I'm going back to that ferry. We are going to have this holiday." Back at the harbour, the waves were even bigger and the sky was black. I was absolutely petrified. "I can't do it!" I said, but my wife said, "You've come back here and you're going to do it."

So, we went on the ferry, and it was like a roller coaster. Other passengers were looking sick, the captain announced that it was 'a very rough crossing' . My wife got sick, and I comforted her.

We made it to the other side and we had a quiet and pleasant holiday in Northern France, with many happy memories.

Please don't think I'm trying to say that I'm extra brave or anything, I'm just saying that the anxiety can be beaten sometimes, it doesn't win every battle. My panic attacks are monsters, with vomiting, dry retching, the lot. But I'm not giving in to them. I won't hand my life over to this illness.

There are therapies that can help us with the fear, and slowly but surely we can get our lives back, I believe that we can do that .

Good Luck, Myzen

[flowers601]

HI icky! Dont think we have met! I read your post and I am also looking for a T here in Oregon! I just looked on a map.. wow! We are far apart! (yeah, I just moved here and not sure where anything is)
I would start with your insurance provider.. see who is close to you.. My issue is there is no one close!

Nice to meet you!!

Kathy