[1confused]

so my x calls and wants to see me tonight. im at my sisters cuz i avoid being home without her. brings on anxiety and panic attacks. so she says oh your with family not tonight maybe another night. im freaking i want to see her now right now. shes all relaxed about it and says another night. says she will see me tomorrow night after i drop my kids off. so im so excited that im gonna see her but freaked out she will change her mind between today and tomorrow.she has changed her mind allot lately, like the past 3 months. i want to beleive her but dont want to base my day tomorrow on seein her and have her change her mind. so how do i deal with this if she changes her mind? im completely lost without her. its what brought on my anxiety and depression. theres a part of me that says dont count on it, but a bigger part of me wanting to actually see her.

[Cthomas]

I have issues with co-dependency. When my husband and i were thinking of separating, I was a wreck!!!! He left. for a while. and i realized i could do this. I had to keep busy. consistently. the only way to get over a fear or problem is to face it head on. Nobody likes it. I surely didnt but it helped me realize i CAN live without him. I choose to be with him. But i CAN and WILL live without him if i need to. Look deep inside yourself. pull it out of you and try a day alone. Sometimes it can be a welcome thing.

Also keep posting here. we want to help

Take care,
Colleen

[cantstopcrying]

Originally Posted by 1confused

but a bigger part of me wanting to actually see her.

That's the part of you that will always love her. She will always always have a special place in your heart. Before you decide to see her, try to focus on the things she has said and done recently. Please try to hold her accountable for them, for you are a caring, loving and sensitive human being, not just something for her to pass the time with when she has nothing else to do. I don't want that to sound cruel, but so often it happens that the person who did the leaving knows that the one who was left is vulnerable and still has feelings, so they use that to their advantage. I just don't want to see that happen to you. I guess basically I'm saying if you agree to see her, do it with your eyes wide open....and definately do not base your whole day on seeing her. Base your whole day on you and your kids and on making you healthy and on making them kids laugh and feel loved.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( 1confused )))))))))))))))

I with cantstopcrying, be very careful with this situation and please don't get your hopes up. Let us know how it goes.

[1confused]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

That's the part of you that will always love her. She will always always have a special place in your heart. Before you decide to see her, try to focus on the things she has said and done recently. Please try to hold her accountable for them, for you are a caring, loving and sensitive human being, not just something for her to pass the time with when she has nothing else to do. I don't want that to sound cruel, but so often it happens that the person who did the leaving knows that the one who was left is vulnerable and still has feelings, so they use that to their advantage. I just don't want to see that happen to you. I guess basically I'm saying if you agree to see her, do it with your eyes wide open....and definately do not base your whole day on seeing her. Base your whole day on you and your kids and on making you healthy and on making them kids laugh and feel loved.

i spent the day with my family, tried to have fun, played some guitar for my mom and family. been playing constantly lately. helps me keep from attacks, calms me down, makes my brain think and distracts me. i went to see her,my x, it was so confusing. we were at the house that our relationship first started. felt like the beginning, i was nervous she was distant, didnt know how to read her. we watched some movies, went from sittin next to eachother to my arm on her leg then holding hands then she put my arm around her, im holding her now , thinking yea we are gong in the right direction. we talk, i tell her ive been in a string of bad relationships, one hurt after the next, and i kept going back kept trying kept thinking if i take the hurt and show her eneough she will know i really care. then i met her. she never hurt me she loved me unconditionally if there was one thing i coulld count on it was that she loved me. told her im not used to that , scared the hell out of me. i was waiting for something bad to happen. maybe i put her at a distance in fear of being hurt. she says we have switched rolls, she was chasing me and now im chasing her. says we are only friends now thats all it can be. i want to cry, get up and leave. but i cant. shes spending time with me it says she cares,at least in my worped world. two weeks ago she wouldnt talk to me, so im im doing good. then we start talking about sex, and how great it was. i grab her start kissing her and things start to happen. she says we can do this but you have to know we are just friends, and you can not tell me you love me. it happens, and we fall asleep in eachothers arms.today we text each other several times but just how you doing, nothing serious. so i decide to tell her that i know how she feels, she knows how i feel and im going to take a step back and see if she takes a step forward, if not then maybe its just not to be, but i will always be there for her no matter what she needs. she said thank you, and good night for now. im so confused, im so anxious. i took twice the xanax i have been the last few days and im still a wreck. im just not sure what to do. i guess ill stick by my word and take a step back. am i doing the right thing?