[just4today]

First off,I'd like to say hi to everyone.Haven't been here for a while as I have not been well.Just diagnosed with autoimmune eye disease so I'm trying to get a handle on that right now.Isn't it sad when you don't know which disorder to look after first?!For those I haven't met here before,I am a survivor of bipolar disorder,BPD,OCD,and a severe anxiety disorder.I feel strongly that the horrible anxiety is a symptom of all of these.I am on meds and have been on various cocktails for years.They are the main reason I am functional.In fact,my therapist feels that at times,I have been quite high functioning.I have also been hospitalized on several occassions so it varies.Recently,I was forced to go back to work part time in a physiotherapy clinic.I am a hermit by my own admission and sometimes find it too much to even answer calls from dear friends.I work with people I know well away from work and they are aware of my struggles.I also feel that if I were not forced to do this I would comfortably stay alone a good portion of the time.This isn't in my best interest.Having sounded reasonable and aware of my limitations,let me say that I hate working and being away from home.Not because I'm lazy,I just get SO anxiety ridden to work with patients looking down at me that I can't think,I make really stupid mistakes,sometimesI can't even put a sentence together.I am forgetting simple instructions as soon as they are given to me and even forget important events scheduled for later that day.I have noticed that in the last few weeks it is getting worse to the point that I am worried about losing my job.I know how debilitating this diorder can be but this has me concerned that I,m neurologically damaged.I have been at this job for 6 mnths. now so I don't understand why it is so bad now.I have seen my GP who has put me back on respiredal which makes me muddled too.I guess I'm wondering if anyone else is finding these symptoms familiar.I'm worried that I'm somehow sliding and if I lose this job I will look(once again) like a loser to my husband(not his words).We need the money badly right now and he is always healthy and outgoing.I am always fighting to be like everyone else.He will pick up the slack and kill himself trying to make ends meet.I am already feeling like a loser I guess.I don't think there are any concrete answers but I'm kind of scared right now.I hope you all know what a huge help it is when you share your stories and support each other like you do.You are all very brave.jill.

[jmo531]

Hi Jill. I can relate to you as I recently went back to work myself after an extended period of time. I have severe anxiety, depression and OCD. I am currently on medication but as you well know that isn't 100%. I guess my advice to you is to not be too hard on yourself. Sometimes our illness has a way of sneaking up on us and affecting us in ways that are beyond our control. Stay strong. There are good days and bad ones. My thoughts are with you. Take care.

[just4today]

Hi jmo531,Here is a perfect example of where my brain is...I just typed a reply to your post then promptly clicked to return to the forum!Apperantly,it's not just work related.Any way had you read the post,it would have said thank you for your support and I hope your return to work hasn't been too difficult.Going "public"isn't easy for some of us.I am feeling pretty tired emotionally so must be a set back.I'm still surprised after all these years how much it upsets me when I do start to slide.I haven't been hospitalized for a few years now so count myself lucky.There are a few other stresses in my life right now so guess I need to be extra careful.It's nice to be able to be open about how difficult it is sometimes as I don't talk to any other people with this kind of anxiety and when you talk to other friends they often don't respond at all(they don't know what to say)so you only do that once.Thanks again for your concern.jill.

[Mahali]

Jill,
I know what it is like to just want to stay home and be by yourself. I agree that it is not in your best interest. When we are isolated it seems the anxiety gets worse as time passes.
You should not see yourself as a loser...
Anxiety is something that people who do not experience it cannot understand. They just do not realise what it can do to a person and how difficult it can be.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you. I just wanted to offer my support and let you know we care.

[adieuolivaw]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I just get SO anxiety ridden to work with patients looking down at me that I can't think,I make really stupid mistakes,sometimesI can't even put a sentence together.I am forgetting simple instructions as soon as they are given to me and even forget important events scheduled for later that day.I have noticed that in the last few weeks it is getting worse to the point that I am worried about losing my job.I know how debilitating this diorder can be but this has me concerned that I,m neurologically damaged.I have been at this job for 6 mnths. now so I don't understand why it is so bad now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

HELLO, JILL: Have you been reading my mind? I suffer from the same sort of mistakes and memory loss and inability to express myself when I'm nervous and anxious --- which is more or less constantly. And these symptoms become much worse when something important is at stake.

Sounds like you're feeling a lot of pressure right now, needing the money, needing to avoid disappointing your husband, and perhaps needing to prove to yourself that you can stay out of the hospital.

I don't know what answers are right for you. However, I can't function unless I remove the pressure from my life. So, every day I simplify my life. I think or say this as often as necessary.

DECOMPRESSION FORMULA:

"I can do this! Piece of cake. I have only three duties.
ONE --------> Relax and enjoy my work.
TWO --------> Make others glad they met me.
THREE-----> Follow instructions (take notes).

If the risperdal is making you "muddled" as you say, maybe you need to call your prescribing doctor so that he can adjust your meds ASAP to keep your mind clear. If that doesn't work, you might have to self-adjust to a slightly lower dose.

Adieu

[wisewoman]

Adieu, cool rules. I'll adopt them if you don't mind. Jill, hang in there and keep talking. Talk to the docs, be safe and feel welcomed.

[cms39]

Are you sure this is a mental health issue? I had symptoms like this and found out I have hypothyroidism. Also, women who are beginning menopause go through some of this. Perhaps get a medical workup for this?

Also, please don't feel like a "loser" if you find yourself unable to work. A job isn't a measure of your worth.

[just4today]

Thank you ALL so much for your posts.No matter how many years I live with all the "stuff" that comes with mental illness,I still find it SO comforting to know I'm not alone.This is odd because I work very hard at keeping outsiders from getting too close.It feels reassuring to know that I'm not completely lost.I would love to respond to your posts more individually but I'm very much behind this morning.I hope to get to know you all better.Thank you for making me feel welcome.jill.