ADHD and friendships.

Hello! Just a quick question for fellow ADD/ADHD folks out there - do you find maintaining and/or making friendships with others hard?

I've always felt pretty out of the loop with that. I always feel like I stick out because some part of my body is always moving and restless, or my mind is elsewhere. So I get shy because I feel like the odd one out. Although usually my personality comes out later on and it grows on people. (:

I have consistently felt this way throughout my educational career - elementary school, middle, high school, and now college. I'm in a program with a group of people throughout the rest of my degree, however, which helps alot with making friends. Being medicated helps as well. But when it wears off - hello little miss sunshine! I get so snappy and annoyed at everything!

Maintaining friendships is hard because friends will tell me things and I'll forget. And I do care, but I forget. Or I'll interrupt them, just because I'm excited about something. But really good friends understand that. It's just hard when your friends are at college and you forget to keep in touch.

How about your experiences? Do you find this to be a problem for you? Or do you have other problems that play into part with friendships as well? I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts!

I have had a life without close friends. At abot 50 yrs I got a few, and now medication seems to help.
Why?
I had problems i primary scool, and social pressure later on tended to make me push onto others. With no appearent response (werw they owerwhwlmed?), I found someone else.
Shifty, hyperactive, socially clumsy and short sighted - probably. I did not feel included in social groups either, despite trying to join.

All right, I thrive in my own company, running about. Now, at last, I have experienced lasting friendships

Hi, ADHD, you are astute in recognizing that ADHD can affect relationships, but they can be made, as the second poster has affirmed. My son had ADD, so I have some books about it, and I think one deals with this topic. I'll hunt it up from him when I get a chance and let you know the title.

I have that same issue with getting along with my friends they think Iam rude or stuckup If I forget what they tells me and I try to explain that I have adhd and Iam not trying to forget what you told me and they say forget you useing that as an excuse .So I dont worry about them because they dont know how adhd works.And I get angry fast when somepeople talking too me but adhd and friends does not match well.

Thank you! That's so appreciated! I find many of the friends that I do make are also very ADHD themselves - or display similar symptoms. Or they are just very open and liberal people who just 'get' it.

I also think that people with ADHD tend to display similar types of verbal thought - very non linear but highly intelligent. Sometimes this type of speech can seem a little confusing to others who prefer more concise phrases or at least linear thought.

I am very glad to hear that you have experienced relationships now! It's relieving to find really good friends.

I'd like to become more self-sufficient and become comfortable with running about on my own. Maybe I need to develop some better self esteem when alone when surrounded by others

Kikki27 - I get mad too sometimes when people talk to me. I think ADHD and friends can work, but it definitely takes practice.

I find it hard...I can't stay concentrated on their conversations and concerns so I just trail off. So I am not very good at being supportive. Also after a couple months I grow bored of my friend and move on to another friend....not exactly nice but I can't seem to help it. It is strange, for like 2 months I only concentrate on 1 friend (maybe hyperfocus?) then after 2 months I grow tired of that friend and move on....it is just something I cannot seem to stop myself from doing.

Yeah thats true I dont want my adhd to take over mylife where I cant make good friends I love posting on here thats help a lot cause they know what we go through

Yeah I can relate thats how I do because I get bored really fast of friends and they get on my nerves where I get angry fast .But I talk too my doctor about it and he said its normal with adhd to lose friends.

Hyperfocus then boredom with ADHD is a funny thing. It always helps to find friends who get obsessive with their own projects as well.

I sometimes find that I have alot of past 'friends' who now think I'm different or fake because I'm always changing or act different with them. So then they get weird about me. It always makes things awkward when you live in a place where everyone knows everyone else. I'm not fake- just ever-changing and interested in everything!

I tend to think that everyone thinks I'm stupid or annoying. I get told that I don't notice the nice things people say about me, only the negative. Maybe that comes from abuse and bullying I suffered.

I tend to keep people at an arm's distance and do the "reject them before they reject me" thing.

That is exactly what I do too!!! I even do that in romantic relationships as well. I fear the rejection so I reject them first so they don't have the opportunity to do it to me and hurt me.

The comment about having past friends who see me thinking i'm different, fake-or else aloof and withdrawn...i really relate too. Making friends has never really been a problem: sadly, it's like 'performance' time and i add energy to the room. However, i can't remember anyone's names, lose the thread of others' conversation and get so distracted that it seems like i'm being so rude when i cut them off to get another water. I become the most selfish, loud person ...and i just want to go home and be alone. I avoid 'reunion' like lunches-my life feels like it's been such a mess and though i shouldn't, now i just don't show up. Keeping correspondence is good though. The memory can look back at previous letters!
..One day i might let someone in a little-other than my t-but that will be when i learn to accept this condition!

((ADHDPinapple))
I do not have ADHD/ADD but my only friend does. I have known her for over 15 years. We help each other out all the time, I am dyselexic. She loses things all the time, keys, wallet, liscens etc, but I am always trying creative idea's to help her. She too gets very frustrated about her ADD and I calm her down and let her know that I am there for her and I try to help her. See, ADD is a part of her, just like ADHD is a part of you, it is a blessing because it is who you are , just like my Dyselxica is a blessing.
Please know that a real friend will stick by your side no matter what. I hope that helps you. Please keep us all updated.

I have long ago found that keeping and maintaining friendships with neurotypicals is not really an option for me, and frankly I do not miss that. I find it hard to understand them, they don't understand me at all. And we quickly run out of things to do or talk about.

I have a very effective antenna for people with whom I can build a mutual understanding and those are the ones I can build a friendship with. Often they are fellow ADDers or something similar. They are a very small number but they are worth a lot more than a dozen fakes.

I keep forgetting to ask my son about the ADHD book! It might be in his room, but he's a teenager and I don't dare go in there for fear of being attacked by something! I WILL try to get the title!

Not surprisingly, of course, my son isn't sure where the book is. He says it might still be packed away from when his room was painted. I'm not giving up....

Well, he hasn't agreed to my digging around in his room (He is 18 and I try to respect his rights), but I do see that the classic book "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell and Ratey (1994) does have some parts about relationships. I hope that will help, at least as a start!

I think I will hav to find more people with ADHD.
Yes, "normal" people often feel like a bore, thiking in squares and straight lines and having the right opinions.
Luckily, there are exceptions, although they are hard to find.
I tend to be very engaged and enthusiastic about issues that matter to me. It is disappointing not to get response - why bother with them.
Maybe some are overwhelmed?

I am not diagnosed but this sounds so familiar. I find it very lonely, as I live a fairly lonely existence. Even if I find someone who will put up with me, I sometimes get bored with them and then end up losing touch. I am constantly changing views and learning new things. If you can't keep up with me then you usually get left behind.

I have a hard time, yes! =(

I feel I become bored rather quickly! And if I don't feel engaged with a person I don't feel like maintaining a relationship (be it casual or otherwise).

On the other hand if the relationship is stimulating I can become a bit too domineering and forceful. I don't want to control the person per se! I simply find joy in all the stimulation.

The irony is I feel so lonely when I'm not stimulated. I do feel better knowing that a wee bit of stimulation and I do feel better.

I'm often worried that others close to me will misinterpret me and thus leave me because of my erracticism and randomness.

Wow 'The Reflex',I don't have the same domineering/forcefulness,but I understand fully what you are saying.It disturbs me to no end to converse with a person who isn't firing on as many cylinders as me,in reference to energy.If conversation abates I get very antsy and just can't remain.My personality is very mild though so its hard to mention anything and exit.I guess that's the difference between a male and a female? Not sure if it's a gender trait or a personality feature.

I do this too!