[cmlwtcos]

I don't know if I can post this here but I'm going to anyways because I don't know what else to do.

I always thought ADHD for me was great. It was a gift. I was always running around having the time of my life. I was a free spirit, my soul couldn't be contained. I loved it. Of course I can't always do what I want when I want and I know I should be able to stop wasting time and get myself together but my gift is a curse.

College is the opposite of me. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't fix any of my problems, I can't sit down and study, I can't do any work. I take my pills, I turn off my brain and I try to be normal and efficient like everyone else. I hate it though, I can't stand it anymore. I hate having to be a lifeless product of modern medicine. I hate being another zombie just walking from class to class, not talking to anyone, not having a life. I turned off and now I can't take it. I can't take what I am and I can't take anymore pills. But now, without it, I'm drowning in problems and I can't get myself to fix it because of my stupid brain can't be normal. I've lost all control and now I'm screwed. I want to get help, I need to get help but I can't. I'm nothing but a worthless, broke, self-harming college student with ADHD and an eating disorder losing what's left of her mind.

Thank for reading my troubles and not just quitting half way through like I would have.

[BatsAndButterflies]

I understand what you are going through with this. I wasn't diagnosed until last year which was my first year of college.

I hate taking my meds. They make me nauseous, more anxious than I already am (got pills for that too), and give me horrible insomnia.

Days when I do not take my meds, I feel like the laziest person in the world or I feel like I surrounded by laughing gas (those are fun).

Sometimes I just want so badly to be normal. I don't want to have to work 10 times as hard just to pay attention in class and keep up with my assignments. I hate zoning out constantly and looking stupid when I'm extremely intelligent and creative.

You just have to keep in mind that the drug is to help give you what you need to succeed. Though you may not feel as free, you have the tools you need to get stuff done. Just try your best not to let the meds take away who you are.

And I don't know if this was any help at all, but I wanted you to know you aren't alone!

[cmlwtcos]

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

I understand what you are going through with this. I wasn't diagnosed until last year which was my first year of college.

I hate taking my meds. They make me nauseous, more anxious than I already am (got pills for that too), and give me horrible insomnia.

Days when I do not take my meds, I feel like the laziest person in the world or I feel like I surrounded by laughing gas (those are fun).

Sometimes I just want so badly to be normal. I don't want to have to work 10 times as hard just to pay attention in class and keep up with my assignments. I hate zoning out constantly and looking stupid when I'm extremely intelligent and creative.

You just have to keep in mind that the drug is to help give you what you need to succeed. Though you may not feel as free, you have the tools you need to get stuff done. Just try your best not to let the meds take away who you are.

And I don't know if this was any help at all, but I wanted you to know you aren't alone!

I was diagnosed eleven years ago and I've been on every kind of medication. I've been taking Concerta for about four years now and I can never sleep. It's been three days since I've slept. I'm losing my mind. I want to be normal and go to class and sleep like every other person. When I was 12, my IQ was 132 but here I am seven years later with a below 2.0GPA at a school with a 93% acceptance rate. I'm not lazy, I'm too energetic. I can't do anything. I can't get myself to even take my meds to help me because I am so close to being done with everything. I rationalize that losing even one day of the rest of my life to a pharmaceutical stupor is pathetic and not want I want.

I don't know if any of that was even relevant but I needed to unload. You are a huge help. I feel so alone all the time. I have such bad social anxiety, I have literally communicated with someone three times in the past month, you being one of them and my sister the other two times. Thank you so much for listening to my nonsense.

[BatsAndButterflies]

It's not nonsense at all. I think what you are feeling makes perfect sense. I hate that you are suffering so much because you can't find meds that work for you. Maybe you could find a coach at your school that could get you through the rest of the semester. I tried that out a bit. It was helpful.

[CWC3]

I can totally relate, cmlwtcos.

I have always been smart, generally a good student, but now I've really been struggling with ADHD and anxiety and depression as well. I'd suggest taking as many resources as you can. Go to T, get a coach, set small goals for yourself, connect with others like you (like with this website), and don't ever give up. Keep communicating. Support is important.

There is always something else to try. And about the meds--we take them when we don't feel good. If those don't work, we keep trying to find ones that do. Try to think of meds as an aid to you instead of an awful hindrance.

PM me if you want. You're not alone :].

[cmlwtcos]

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

It's not nonsense at all. I think what you are feeling makes perfect sense. I hate that you are suffering so much because you can't find meds that work for you. Maybe you could find a coach at your school that could get you through the rest of the semester. I tried that out a bit. It was helpful.

What's a coach? I don't really know what my school offers since all I ever do is sit in my dorm and go to the gym... and class (sometimes...)

[tacosRfree]

You are so not alone... and it gets better.

I was not diagnosed until after college, but would life had been so much easier. I recieved my bachlors, and later, worked on my masters as an adult. I ended up living home and commuting. I don't know if this is an option for you, but I remember how hard it was talking to others. I had a job, which forced me to interact, and make connections for whick I am still grateful. If you can move closer to friends and family, that might be something helpful for you.

Please write again. I'll answer.