[Nams]

I have a wonderfully sensitive, caring, intelligent 8yr old boy. He is G3/4 split but testing at G6/7. Since JK there have been issues at school with him refusing to work etc. The school he goes to is a very small town and his first teachers are the typical clicky mean girls from HS.....one is JK the other SK and as far as I am concerned they labeled him between the two of them from the jump. For 3 years I had been called into the school and ? about everything from what I feed him, when he goes to bed (7pm everynite) the list goes on and on. The whole time following/believing every suggestion/accusation they threw at me. I mean they are TEACHERS after all, they are smarter than me when it comes to children....Right.
I have to mention here I also have 3 other kids two older girls 12 and 10 and one younger daughter who's 5, none of these behaviors/issues have ever occurred. They where all raised exactly the same way by the same person, ME. I also understand that he has a labeled(disability) but that shouldn't change how I raised him so why ? me about him and not the two older siblings...just saying.
This has continued for years, to the point where the school called CAS on me stating that I was abusing him(set my insecurity to an all time high). CAS came and left with NO doubts as to my parenting....which made me feel a little better but of course I still ? everything about myself as to what did I do to make them believe that I could/would. CAS worker did say how ever that the schools do need better training in what is a need for CAS and what is not.
I believe strongly in teaching my children that there are jobs in life you HAVE to do and at home it works...I know before anyone says it the poor teachers are over worked ....blah blah blah.....Teachers back when I went to school had twice as many students and way less resources than they enjoy now(just saying) most teachers are wonderful not knocking the profession as a whole just the lazy ones like some of the dingbats he's had. One good teacher he did have unfortunately had a baby and went on maternity, happy for her but miss her dearly she got him and was great in all aspects. The other one left for another school and is very missed by him and me.
He had been doing well this year, until the above mentioned teacher left for maternity....now he has what seems like a new graduate (again good teacher just not prepared I think for this ongoing situation) and an EA (who royally sucks, she seems to think she is the way, the light, the only option in parenting skills)
Here is a letter I received from her (EA) today:
"A has homework as he chose to have free time activity instead of participating & the opportunity to work with me in the learning center. By the time he did arrive he only had ½ hr."
I mean really an 8yr old given the choice to work or play, what the hell did she think he would choose. Is it only me or does this seem really stupid on her part. She has only 2 children in the learning center with her and she is assigned to help them I thought get their work done. The other boy is autistic (don't know much about autism, but he is just a busy but wonderfully typical 8yr old boy like my son, who has spent time in our home)
I have insisted from JK that it be enforced that he is not the one in charge they are......to me it seems like he's running the show. I have been TOLD that I need to meet with his teacher and EA. I am not a single parent but I am doing this alone....my husband is not a support when it comes to this as he is emotionally clueless. Great Daddy just not so good with the parenting end, my fault as I have always just dealt with it.
I feel intimidated by these people when in front of them. I have social anxiety disorder and know what I want to say but am such a coward, when it comes to being strong I am afraid that I will come across as a ***** or start to cry and look weak.
I need help and don't know what to do. I am ready to pull him out of school and keep him home schooled except I worry what that will do to his social abilities & it scares me. I think that at this stage social is just as important as education. He is such a friendly, popular little man he's just stubborn and needs a firm push to do what he needs to.
I will say and am not apologizing to Anyone for this - I have spanked him only after a warning and its always a smack on the backside and off to his room. I also talk to him afterwards and remind him that he is a good kid and that we love him but that neg behaviours are not acceptable. My other kids I have are typical kids and are/have been taught the same way.
My son does have a great regular counselor who says he is just a wonderfully/typical boy. So what am I missing.
So sorry for the long letter I am just so frustrated and not sure what to do next. I have followed all of the school's recommendations...above and beyond yet they continually ignore mine then whine when its not working.
Its 4am here and I can't sleep due to the stress of it all. Am so ready to snap, I'm not sure, mentally I can take much more.

Sorry again I just needed to write and have someone, anyone listen and maybe show/tell/advise me of something I am not seeing here.



Thanks in advance guys, even just for being able to post this.
Nams

[bipolarmedstudent]

(hugs).

I have adhd as well and my childhood was rough. Teachers always loved or hated me.

I have some questions for you:

1. Has your son been officially diagnosed with ADHD?
2. Is he on medication?
3. Is it possible for you to send him to a different school? Montessori for example? Or a private school?
4. Does he have conduct problems (disrupting class, etc) or is he just not doing his homework?

I do think it's best to keep him in school if possible. You're right, he does need the social interaction, and he needs to learn to work with others.

Here are a couple books that might help:

Parenting Children with ADHD: 10 Lessons That Medicine Cannot Teach (APA Lifetools) by Vincent J. Monastra

Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential by Peg Dawson, Richard Guare

And a book you can give to his teacher:

Helping Kids and Teens with ADHD in School: A Workbook for Teachers and Parents on Classroom Support and Managing by Joanne Steer, Kate Horstmann

[Nams]

Thanks so much for the quick response and the book suggestions, I will give those a try.
1. Yes this past year
2. No I was told that it wasn't recommended for him.
3. The only other school is about 20mins away and has a really bad reputation for drugs & as for a private school the are too $ for us unfortunately.
4. He did have some disruption issues before diagnosis. Over the last year he just doesn't want to do the work in school.

He has a board paid for PC in class but even with that he has the choice if he wants to do it or not. I feel like they have just given up on him. He is so smart and I really hate to see him fall between the cracks as THAT kid.
I am just so lost as I know what works for me is to just make him do it, he does argue with me, but he knows that I just wont back off as it is a NEED not just something I want him to do. I have tried to get them to listen to me and they just treat me like I know nothing at all, after all I am not educated in Children they are - sarcasm and how to help them grow. It's frustrating as I have a hard time being strong and stating my opinions and always feel lorded over as it is always just Me in meetings with two or more teacher, EA occasionally Principal.
Hubby has gone with me to one meeting and he sat there and said nothing at all not even reacting to them and their finger pointing.
I really need to know that I am not being a ****** that I am trying to get them to listen to what I Know works for me & more importantly Him.

Thanks again
Nams

Something to also consider ... Your son may be more intelligently advanced for his age which means that he could be so bored and unchallenged by the learning material that "getting into trouble" is simply trying to call attention to that ...

Therefore, I'd also explore this option before hanging a label on him and medicating him ... It could be that moving him ahead to a level that's more fitting for his intellectual capabilities could resolve all this other stuff ...

Just a thought ...



ps. As far as spanking goes ... I'm totally against it as I grew up in a brutally abusive home ... I know there's a difference between discipline and abuse, but it's a fine line ... Resorting to physical violence (and, to me, any form of hitting is violence) will perpetuate a whole other hosts of problems in addition to the initial one ... There are so many other ways to handle disciplinary issues without resorting to hitting ... Please explore those options! ... Thank You!

[Nams]

BC........Thanks for your input, I do appreciate that you are angered by abuse. We have been going through this for almost 6yrs now. I have done everything other than put a label on him and I do not medicate him. As far as your opinion on spanking I did mention I do not apologize for spanking.....there is a huge difference between what you went through and for that I am sorry, trust me I know - Abuse I went through it as a child with regular bruise and blood inducing beatings from my mother. What I do is NOT Abusive I had explored the no hitting policy for years and it got me nowhere. "A" is told that if the behavior happens again there will be a smacked bottom in his future......if he continues regardless he knows that it will end in a smack. That is on him NOT me. It is a case of a quick smack then ten secs later he is asking for ice-cream or time on the PC....I DO not hurt my children and usually I am the one who ends up crying in the bathroom. So please do not go accusing me of abuse, that is not what this post is about. I came to get help with my son.
The last time I spanked my son was almost a year ago and it happens Rarely.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by Nams

Thanks so much for the quick response and the book suggestions, I will give those a try.
1. Yes this past year
2. No I was told that it wasn't recommended for him.
3. The only other school is about 20mins away and has a really bad reputation for drugs & as for a private school the are too $ for us unfortunately.
4. He did have some disruption issues before diagnosis. Over the last year he just doesn't want to do the work in school.

He has a board paid for PC in class but even with that he has the choice if he wants to do it or not. I feel like they have just given up on him. He is so smart and I really hate to see him fall between the cracks as THAT kid.
I am just so lost as I know what works for me is to just make him do it, he does argue with me, but he knows that I just wont back off as it is a NEED not just something I want him to do. I have tried to get them to listen to me and they just treat me like I know nothing at all, after all I am not educated in Children they are - sarcasm and how to help them grow. It's frustrating as I have a hard time being strong and stating my opinions and always feel lorded over as it is always just Me in meetings with two or more teacher, EA occasionally Principal.
Hubby has gone with me to one meeting and he sat there and said nothing at all not even reacting to them and their finger pointing.
I really need to know that I am not being a ****** that I am trying to get them to listen to what I Know works for me & more importantly Him.

Thanks again
Nams

A few thoughts:

Is there a gifted program in your area?

As for the other school (the one that is 20 minutes away and has a reputation for drugs) -- I still think it is worth visiting the school and meeting with the principal/teachers there. You have nothing to lose by exploring your options. You may just find that the teachers are more understanding there. You won't know until you meet with them and see.

The other problem -- that he has choices, and the teachers aren't forcing him to do his homework. My thought is that you can step in and force your son to do him homework. Give your son's teacher a day-planner, and have her or your son fill it out every day at school, so you know exactly what your son is doing every hour of the day. Then every evening, review the day-planner with your son. For every hour that your son spent doing work, reward him (give him 'bonus points' that he can trade in for privileges or toys). For every hour that he goofed off or chose to play, subtract bonus points, and make him complete the work at home, as well as additional homework you assign him as a disincentive.

That way when he makes the choice at school between doing work and goofing off, he has a clear incentive to choose work (he gets bonus points), and a clear disincentive to choose play (he loses bonus points, and he knows he has to do EXTRA homework when he gets home). This will give you some element of control over what your son does at school. It will also teach your son delayed gratification, which a lot of kids with adhd struggle with. And it will teach him that his choices have consequences (good and bad).

Don't 'punish' him for choosing to play. Just make it clear that that choice comes with consequences (lost bonus points and extra homework). He is free to make the choice to play at school if he wishes, but he will have to deal with the consequences of that choice when he comes home from school.

Hope that idea helps.

[Nams]

Thanks again for the quick response. There is a daily journal that goes to school and home everyday. I never thot of the hr by hr idea, that may just be a viable option. When A comes home from school with notes/homework there is a discipline first and foremost of losing his privileges such as loss of his pc time..and his homework has to be completed before anything else gets done for him....he never gets notes home about positive behaviors that would be helpful on all ends. I see no note means to me that he had a good day and I always ask him. He is pretty honest about getting in trouble even the small stuff.....If I hear no neg I make a point of letting him know how good he is doing and that we are proud of the changes that we see in general. He is a very smart kid and is very sensitive so positive encouragement is huge around here. He knows that if he does his work at school and home he gets his time on the PC or DS these are used on a reward system he earns the time in various ways. He knows that with every note he loses time. My personal thinking is that they have given up on bothering to try with him with there being No Positive reinforcement that is clear to me.

I did try to reward him with a reward system as suggested by the school for 5 good days in a row.....this encouraged him and he had a great week. The 2nd week again good week. Week 3 we talked about the reward and he decided it was to be an even bigger reward. When I explained to the EA what was going on she suggested that no matter what his request he was improving in class and that we continue with this path. Week 4 was outrageous he asked for $75 toy.....I explained to him that this was just not fair or possible and that he needed to rethink another option. When I explained this to the EA again she suggested that it could be very hard for them at school if I decided to stop this plan. So I stopped it, his behaviors stayed low key for while. Shortly after this was when they called CAS on me.

I am not sure what to do anymore......some tell me a firmer hand, some tell me positive every step of the way, others tell me that this is my doing due to not enough discipline, others tell me that a smacked bottom is too far. Its hard enough to be a parent, but to be one who has a child who is labeled already and feeling every step of the way like I am inept and failing him and myself.....I have honestly just about had enough, my son is being failed all round it seems. I just want to help him, I don't care about the teachers in this anymore, they get their paychecks and go home at night feeling all educated and superior while the phone calls I get are over the line telling me
- put him to bed earlier - his bedtime is 7pm every school night, any earlier than that is lazy parenting on my behalf.
- he is not eating the right foods - 4 meals a day each with 4 food groups, no pop except maybe on on weekends with lunch.
- that I need to do more reading with him as I am failing him in that aspect - we read every night
- that he is a very insecure angry little boy and he needs to be medicated - this in G1
- that I need to spend more time with him - I spend every minute I am not at my job with them...if not reading, feeding, doing homework we are playing together or snuggling - which he dislikes - but he obliges me because he knows it makes Me happy.
and the notes are more of the same negativity that I get home leave me feeling frustrated, angry, incapable, scolded and judged.
The other school is not an option the reputation of this school in general is bad...there has been all kinds of things happen at that school, with students including death threats, bomb threats and the police are at the school every day, not a good image for a public school in a small town. When I did call them they requested that I have him re-evaluated by their personnel and request medication for him, so they could figure out where to place him.
I know I sound like I am rattling on but I am just so frustrated and can't talk to anyone else right now.

[bipolarmedstudent]

At this point I think your best bet is to read the books I recommended to you (or others) and get ideas on how best to discipline him. I don't have kids myself (I'm only 23), so my ideas are just that...ideas. I've never actually parented a kid. But, I do have adhd, so I'm trying to give you advice that I think would have worked on me when I was a kid.

I do think the reward (points) system is a good idea, but it needs to be a reward per hour, rather than a reward for an entire week of good behaviour. A child his age, and especially a child with adhd, is not going to have the kind of long-range planning and motivation to be good for an entire week at a time. Break it down into smaller blocks, so he gets a reward every day.

I like the points system because he can save up his points and trade them in for something really good. You can set it up something like:

For every hour that he does his work he gets 1 point
For every hour that he plays at school instead of doing his work he loses 1 point
10 points = $1
5 points = 1 hour of television or video games

Something like that. Obviously you would need to adjust the point values based on what works best for your family. Most important of all -- KEEP IT CONSISTENT. That's the CRITICAL aspect. Consistency.

As for the teachers -- ignore them. Don't let them get to you. You sound like a great mother who is doing her absolute best. Kids with adhd are difficult to raise. But you will get through it and the reward of seeing him reach his potential will be worth it.

[Nams]

For 23 you have some darn good advice. I really do appreciate your help I will give the reward system another try with your ideas in place. Thanks for saying what you did you have no idea how nice it is to hear from someone who doesn't love me. I know it sounds silly but for me I feel like they have to tell me these things because its what you do when you love somebody, make them feel better even if you don't know the right answer.
He has such great things ahead of him (he wants to be an Engineer, he always laughs when I ask him why he wants to drive trains, "not that kind Mom, Duh" lol) I just want whats best for him and knowing that you have ADHD and understand it, helps, as every other well meaning person has an opinion and that's appreciated but if you haven't been there, dealt with it you don't know what the helpful/right answers are....including me, research hasn't really helped other than to explain what it is and other than that I am clueless as to what he needs to help him. I have all kinds of advice and its all different.

Thanks again you really have helped me feel a little less frustrated and a little more understood.

Hugz
Namaste

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by Nams

For 23 you have some darn good advice. I really do appreciate your help I will give the reward system another try with your ideas in place. Thanks for saying what you did you have no idea how nice it is to hear from someone who doesn't love me. I know it sounds silly but for me I feel like they have to tell me these things because its what you do when you love somebody, make them feel better even if you don't know the right answer.
He has such great things ahead of him (he wants to be an Engineer, he always laughs when I ask him why he wants to drive trains, "not that kind Mom, Duh" lol) I just want whats best for him and knowing that you have ADHD and understand it, helps, as every other well meaning person has an opinion and that's appreciated but if you haven't been there, dealt with it you don't know what the helpful/right answers are....including me, research hasn't really helped other than to explain what it is and other than that I am clueless as to what he needs to help him. I have all kinds of advice and its all different.

Thanks again you really have helped me feel a little less frustrated and a little more understood.

Hugz
Namaste

Plenty of people with ADHD are successful. I've been a straight-A student since high school (when I went on ADHD meds), and now I'm in med school.

I think it's good that you are trying to keep him unmedicated for now, while his brain is still growing. But don't hesitate to medicate him when he is older. I think the start of high school is a good time for most kids with adhd to go on medication, especially if they want to go to university. It's a fine balance between not wanting to overmedicate/unnecessarily medicate, but still wanting to give your child the medication he needs to reach his full potential.

Personally, I went on meds in grade 9, and I think that was the right time for me. The school work was getting more intense, the homework was getting more and more, and I just couldn't manage without meds anymore. When it's the right time for your son, he will know.

But the best thing you can do for him is to work through ADHD workbooks and exercises with him to strengthen his skills in the areas he has deficits (concentration, attention-switching, organization, sequential planning, etc.). His brain is forming millions of new connections every day, and this is the time when you can really 'exercise' his brain and make lasting changes to it. I really recommend you get one of those adhd workbooks from the bookstore and do the exercises with him.

[beautycr75]

Hi,
I'm going through this ADD thing now with my 7 year old. It so hard as a parent to know what to do. My biggest problem is his focus. The teacher says he doesn't bother the other kids in class. But, he can't stay focused in class.
I have pushed for years to have my daughted tested with no luck. She also doesn't get in trouble in class. But, she struggles so hard with reading and writing. I just hate to see her have to work so hard, and still can't get good grades with those subjects. She makes A's or B's but you can tell what subects she struggles with. I feel like because she is making good grades and not all D and F's, the school just will not test her. UGHHHH

Carla

[Nams]

Aw Carla sorry to hear your dealing with Teachers who won't listen either. I have the books that bipolarmedstudent suggested above on order from the library. I am reading a book right now called "Superparenting for ADD" Edward M. Hallowell & Peter S. Jensen.
It is really helping me get a clearer picture and explains it better than his school set up Psychologist did.....I was told he has a difficult to deal with disability and left to figure it out. All the research I have done so far makes it seem like its almost impossible to understand and help my child. This book however approaches it from a totally different perspective, explaining that this wonderful little boy just sees things differently and that its not as bad as every1 seems to make it out to be. Calming me a lot and helping me feel better about my stress' with the whole situation. I don't feel now that there is no hope like the school has convinced me of. I have a meeting with the school tomorrow to discuss some ongoing issues but I now feel a lot more prepared instead of intimidated.
We are lucky where we are that I found a child counselor that I can go see that is covered by OHIP. He adores her and she seems to really enjoy seeing him too. She has been a great help in a lot of run ins with these particular teachers and school. All I did initially was talk to my Dr and he recommended the Family Health Unit and they set me up with her....I explained all the issues we/he was having at school and asked her to suggest what I could do. Maybe you could ask your Dr...the testing is not avail cost free tho but "A's" Counselor acted as an advocate on my behalf and put in a request to the school.....It might be worth a try if its available to you. The testing personally would have cost me $5000 dollars but because she pushed that it was necessary for him the school board put him on the list and they tested him for free.
They do only choose a limited number of candidates here and my son had to wait a year before they tested him. As he was bumped for another student who required the testing more than he did.

Sending Hugz
Nams

[bipolarmedstudent]

Nams.....I can't believe that they told you that ADHD is a difficult to deal with disability and painted such a hopeless picture!! That's terrible! And it's not the case at all. Many people with ADHD grow up to be HIGHLY successful adults.

I don't want to toot my own horn, but I have fairly severe ADHD (along with all the other disorders in my signature below), and I got straight As in high school (a rigorous private school), I graduated university with an honours bachelor of science and a 3.7 GPA (that's an A- average), and I'm now in my second year of medical school again with an A average.

Always remember -- the sky is the limit for your child. A disorder like ADHD will not hold him back. It just means that he will have to go about things a little differently than most kids (different learning methods, organizational strategies, and eventually medication). His brain just works differently, that's all. But his brain works just as good as the brain of his peers. Don't treat his ADHD like a disability. Don't ever think of it as a limitation on what he can achieve. I never did, and that's why I succeeded. My parents told me when I was a kid that I could do anything I set my mind to, and I still believe that!

One more thing about testing. I wasn't aware that all children needed to be 'formally' tested for adhd through the school board? I was diagnosed with adhd by my psychiatrist at 14. She simply asked me some questions about my symptoms, decided I had adhd, and prescribed me medication. So for parents who are having trouble obtaining testing through the school board, another option might be to go to your doctor and get a referral to a child psychiatrist. It may work!

Also, many private psychologists do adhd testing/assessment, and if your third-party insurance (through work) covers psychologist's visits (most do), that might be another option. You could also just have a private psychologist see your child and write a letter urging the school board to formally test your child for ADHD as soon as possible. Hand the psychologist's letter to the school board, and it should speed things up. A letter like that from a psychologist would cost a lot less money than asking the psychologist to do a full assessment/testing for adhd.

My parents did this for me to get me tested for the gifted program. The school board was taking forever, so my parents took me to see a private psychologist who administered an IQ test, and wrote a letter describing the results of the test and urging the school board to test me for the gifted program as soon as possible. My parents wrote a strongly-worded letter, and gave it to the school board along with the psychologist's letter/my IQ test results. I got tested for the gifted program right away after they did that. It definitely expidited things!

[Nams]

Thanks again Bipolarmedstudent hun,
He has such huge potential....not sure if I mentioned he wants to be an engineer and he is full force that, that is exactly what he is going to do and I KNOW that he will. I have always told my kids that whatever they want with hard work and determination they can achieve it.....that they have everything else they need in them. The part for me that is so frustrating is that THEY see it as a problem/Disability I see it as a Super busy smart brain that can outsmart me/most people at times They see argumentative & difficult I see a sad, frustrated little boy at not being able to get them to understand. I get so angry because they make it seem like he is being difficult because he just doesn't want to work & I know different.
For me the most difficult part is knowing how I can help him effectively. I am so lost as there is so little actually helpful information out there on Inattentive type.

To get a full evaluation here is approx $5000 and the school board has an allowance of so many students per school that are eligible for full coverage, I pushed for him for two years to be considered before he got in. He did finally get the testing, I was given the diagnosis paper 30 sheets of it and a ½hr meeting with the psych, teacher, principal, EA and they broke down the steps and stages. I felt like the information session was for the teachers benefit and felt totally outnumbered and overwhelmed. We own our own business and are still not getting paychecks and can't afford to pay for private so we have to rely on OHIP(government medical coverage) which is as minimal as it gets. They don't have a gifted program that I am aware of here. I could look into that tho. I want him to stay with his peers as he rely shines when it comes to the social aspect he has friends....he even has a G7 buddy(he's in my daughters class) who is always including A in his activities and he has told my daughter how funny/awesome A is.

I am the type of person who is A Momma bear when it comes to my kids xcept when it comes to school. I was a straight A student but hated school and was always scared of my teachers...rightfully so they still caned when I went lol. Teachers for some reason still intimidate me due to my own insecurities and it is hard for me to TELL them they are wrong(however small) in anything where they find it so easy to tell me I am doing it all wrong and it hurts. I am not the best mother in the world I know I have made mistakes (we all do) but I do know deep down that I am a good Mom, but around them I feel like they know better, when in reality I do know my son better than they ever could and they just won't listen.
Thanks again hun
Nams

I am in the USA, so I am not really familiar with how Canada's system for providing services for students with special needs works, so what I am going to say may not apply at all to your situation in Canada. My apologies for that in advance.

I am a teacher (I promise we are not all horrible people). The school district asked to do special education testing on my middle son at the end of his kindergarten year. I was not at all surprised by the request as he had significant language delays and severe fine motor deficits. In the course of testing, the psychologist noted definite ADHD tendencies in addition to the other issues, and as a student with ADHD he has been served through special education ever since. In the United States, what that means is that specific goals and accommodations are put in place in order to assure that he is worked with and provided for in a manner that gives him the best opportunity to have success in school. These accommodations are legal mandates, which means his teachers MUST make these accommodations according to law. Does Canada have a similar legal guarantee in place? It amazes me that you were going to have to pay for his testing.

The schools have done a wonderful job of suggesting ways to help him succeed in school. The teachers, up until this year (he's in 10th grade now), have always followed is accommodations. His pediatrician at one point wrote a letter making suggestions for accommodations that could be helpful. When I forwarded it to the school, a meeting to review his accommodations was immediately scheduled to review his current plan and to be sure that the doctor's suggestions were put in place.

This year, unfortunately, he has run into a couple of teachers who for some unknown reason believed that they had better ideas than what his legal accommodations stated. Boggled my mind because I work in this district and not following those mandates is a HUGE no-no. I hated to do it, but I called them on it. The school diagnostician immediately ordered a meeting, knowing they were out of compliance, and his accommadations were reviewed, updated, and strongly enforced (to avoid a lawsuit even though I doubt that I would sue my employer). I guess I'm telling you this long story because I'm not understanding how your son's educational needs are not being legally enforced in Canada.

My son is not a gifted/talented student, but your son sounds like he might could be. In the USA, every district must have a program in place for assessing and serving gifted/talented students. You need to see what is offered in Canada and insist that he be evaluated. Gifted students think differently, work differently, and even feel differently. His behaviors in school could be characteristic of those traits. In our district, testing is done only a few times a year, so you might have a wait before it is done, and he might not qualify (the criteria are rather complicated), but it would be a shame if these issues are due to not being served in the right educational setting.

We did choose to start our son on medication at around age 7. It has helped him immensely over the years. He initially was inattentive type. What we saw in elementary school was intense distractability. If the landscapers were outside mowing the grass, the noise alone would pull his attention away from everything going on in the classroom, for instance. As he got older, we did start seeing more hyperactivity traits: pacing particularly. Never defiant or misbehavior though. He has horrible organizational skills which has been his greatest problem as he has gotten older and has had to juggle several teachers. He has always found that the medication lessens the intensity of his symptoms and he is the one who lets me know when his prescription is about to run out because he realizes how much more difficult things are for him without it.

If Canada doesn't have a system like I've described, sit down and write out what specific, workable accommodations that seem to be helpful to your son. Better yet, if he has a pediatrician or therapist who can write a more official letter, it would carry that much more weight. As much as you are frustrated with the teachers, you have to find a way to make them your allies. Hear their input. What we see happening in the classroom is often remarkably different from what parents see at home. That is not an indicator of failure on anyone's part necessarily. Some kids really do a kind of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing on us. It's always hard to understand why that is, but it is a very common phenomenon.

Well, this has gotten really long. My apologies for that. I hope you and the teachers are able to work together for your son's best interests.

[Nams]

(((farmergirl)))I have had some wonderful teachers in my life and my kids have had and do have them, right now. My son had a fantastic teacher who totally understood him and brought out the best in him, that I see at home. She left for maternity leave and a new to the area(very young) teacher was brought in and he just doesn't seem to know what to do. Mr L is a great teacher just stumped as to how to help A, also he is in a new environment in a small town school where certain teachers (the same 3 I have had problems with all over A since day 1 - seems to be the same as what you mentioned in your post, they know better) in that school where all buddies in HS. The one in particular one I am having the most issues with is an EA who seems to think that she is the be all and end all of all answers that she and only she knows what’s right.
As far as I know the same mandate is in place here. The way it works here is he has an EA who he spends time with everyday for about 1hr along with 4 other students at the same time. She is for all intensive purposes the Teachers Assistant...not as far as I know trained in specific disorders/conditions all they need is what I found below.

From an EA in Ontario information site:
Qualifications and requirements
Minimum requirements are:

• grade 12 and experience/training in working with young people is stated as minimum requirements in some schools. However, college diplomas in the human services field including Early Childhood Education (ECE), Youth Care Worker (YCW), Nursing or Nursing Assistant (NA), Educational Assistant (EA), etc. are preferred
• Proficiency in one of Canada's official languages - English or French.
  English is the language of instruction in the majority of schools in Ontario. French is the language of instruction in some schools.
• good interpersonal and communication skills are essential, as are energy and enthusiasm for the job

Aiding students with special needs usually requires specialized training and experience:

• college diploma or university degree in a related field of study
• experience dealing with children with a variety of physical and intellectual disabilities and behavioral or other learning difficulties
• a broad knowledge of child development as well as some teaching experience

Depending on the place of work, other special skills and training are useful, such as:

• fluency in other languages
• knowledge of sign language
• non-violent crisis intervention training
• proficiency with Braille
• experience providing health care

This woman is making up all the rules about how my son is dealt with....following within of course the set guidelines .
He has an IEP(individual education plan) which involves lessening his workload, office visits, emotion flash cards and bartering with him. All of which I see as getting him & them through the day, letting him avoid things he doesn't want to do as EA quote = "They Do not want to deal with his behavior’s"....frustration, feet stomping, breaking pencils and crying. At home I do see some of these behaviors but a lot less than at school....I do not allow A to make the choice of playtime then work, it’s the opposite with me. I feel that her in particular is taking advantage of the "We can't do that!" excuse....they are not allowed any level of hands on (not hitting) an eg is stopping my son from leaving the building and heading up the road. They are not allowed to use bossy voices with the kids eg (Your work needs to be done - instead he hears - We should get your work done, she writes for him)...I understand truly I do why some of these rules are in place but the truth is it has tied the hands of genuinely wonderful teachers who really do want the best for the kids but are not allowed to do certain things that would help and giving others the excuse to be lazy.
It has gotten so ridiculous my daughter when in G2 hugged a crying Kindergartner, who had fallen and scraped her knee, my daughter got a reprimand and a note sent home for Hands ON.
My son is as far as I am concerned a normal little boy with a brain that is just too busy for him to control and I am lost as to how to help him. I want to tell the school that I want someone who is specifically trained to deal with so called "LD" so that he is getting what's best for him, not what get's them all through the day.
From day 1 I have done everything they have asked and listened to every word they have suggested. I have stood there near tears being told I was feeding him wrong, he wasn't getting proper sleep(his bed time is 7pm) generally what I was doing wrong and I would cry myself to sleep for days. I had myself convinced that everything I was doing for my kids were the wrong things and that I was the reason A was having so many issues. Then I started to wonder if I suck so bad then why do I not have these same issues with my other 3....(2older 1 younger than A) That's when I started to stand up and say No there is something more going on here. I pushed for testing had/have him in counseling (he still goes when he asks to see her). Finally I got some answers but the school is still treating him and myself the same as before. I am frustrated and overwhelmed and feel that my input means nothing as Parents are know nothing as they are not educated in child care, as if 12yrs of raising them isn't an education" which I honestly believe this woman is convinced of. The same EA has been around since the beginning and I have always shown her respect and been polite but she really has not earned it.
This EA is very arrogant and apparently has been the same way since public school my husband knew her and says she hasn't changed that arrogant know it all attitude.
She is so arrogant that in our last meeting she monopolized the conversation. I kept asking the teacher and the principal what their thoughts where and when they tried to give me an opinion she would interrupt them and they allowed it. With Mr. L being the teacher I think he should be doing all the talking and she (EA) should just add her input when requested.....or am I wrong. The teacher I think needs to be the primary not the EA. Even the principal kept deferring to the EA, the whole conversation like she needed her approval. I am so grateful for teachers who actually do care about the child and their education. I am frustrated by those few like her that care more about the paycheck and proving their smarts.
Thanks to you specifically for your response and of course for your job as a Teacher your job is a very difficult one I understand that. Especially dealing with so many different personalities and the ever changing class sizes, requirements and education mandates.......my four are all so different and each have their challenges, specialties and methods for doing things and that is work enough to encourage and adapt for each of them lol and I love them dearly.


No need for apologies for the length of the post I am pretty good at that myself lol
Hugz Nams