HELP!

MY SON IS 5 YRS OLD AND HIS SCHOOL IS RECOMMENDING EVALUATION FOR ADD/ADHD. I HAVE RESEARCHED SYMPTOMS ONLINE AND HE HAS EVERY SINGLE ONE FOR ADHD. HIS BEHAVIOR HAS GOTTEN WORSE IN SCHOOL, AND HE HAS BECOME MORE DIFFICULT. I HAVE A MEETING WITH THE SCHOOL ON WEDS. TO GET THE BALL ROLLING. I JUST FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD. I AM AFRAID NOTHING IS GOING TO WORK TO HELP HIM. THERE IS NO LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNELL. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO HANDLE THIS. I FEEL AS THOUGH MY SON DOESNT HAVE A CHANCE IN LIFE NOW. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE TO GIVE ME A GLIMMER OF HOPE?

its gonna be ok. its definitely not the end of the world. my dad is the principal of the local irish school where i live and there are a lot of children with ADD and ADHD. and the help they are recieving in the school is doing them wonders. i also have a lot of friends with ADD and ADHD and their just the same as everyone else. its either to do with the medication they are recieving or the help their gettin but they all seem to be doing very well. so your son will be grand and so will you. you have the strength to cope with this. and from what ive seen on other posts throughout the site the people here will do all they can to help you. unfortunately i dont have any good advice on the subject but i know that other people on the site will.

Good luck and i hope you found this at least a little bit helpfull,
eoghan

Hi Melissa,

ADHD/ADD is nowhere near the end of the world - it's common and heaps of people who have it go on to achieve great things.

Getting a diagnosis is a very good thing as many of the treatments are very effective and well tolerated. Your son will hopefully feel a whole lot less frustrated with going to school because with treatment he will be much more able to follow what's going on and to participate in class activities. This makes a huge difference to behaviour.

So far ADHD has not prevented me from getting through pharmacy school and I'm now coming to the end of my first year of medical school. And there are many many others like me!

Try not to worry too much and good luck on Wednesday.

zoidy

Melisa, Hy husband suffers from ADD and let me tell you, He can really enjoy life. I wanted to give you an adult look at this thing.
ADD is sometimes what it makes a person so special, outgoing, fun to be around and prolific... yes you hear me right. If he finds out what he is good at and he likes it, he'll be great at it.
Don't worry, It'l be fine. Do what you have to do as a mom but the rest, time only can say!
~hugs your way~

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR YOUR REPLIES...YOU REALLY CANT IMAGINE HOW THEY HAVE HELPED...ITS VERY COMFORTING TO KNOW THAT IM NOT ALONE. I HAVE EVEN KEPT THIS FROM MY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS, JUST BECAUSE IM AFRAID PEOPLE WILL JUDGE. THAT HAS REALLY PUT A STRAIN ON ME, B/C I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO BESIDES MY HUSBAND, WHO BY THE WAY, THINKS IM MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF EVERYTHING. I THINK THAT ONCE I GO TO THE MEETING AND WE BEGIN EVALUATION, I WILL FEEL BETTER. AS I RESEARCH ON MY OWN ONLINE, I DO REALIZE, MY SON IS NOT AT ALL LIMITED BY THIS. I WAS STUNNED TO SEE THAT GIFTEDNESS ACTUALLY ASSOCIATES WITH ADD/ADHD.

AGAIN, THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

MELISSA

I have a long time acquaintance who is ADHD (she won't admit it but it doesn't change her dx lol) and she can get soooo much done! She does need extra help with delegating and scheduling, but other than that, she's terrific!

I have ADHD..have never had medication..struggled somewhat...but just a lil FYI for you. I have graduated college with a 3.5 and now i am applying to grad school. I own my own successful business. I have been accepted and worked in many prestigous organziations and have won scholarships...its not the end of the world. its a learning difference. And yes despite my many successes in my life at 23 I have been told numerous times that i literally would amount to nothing becuase I cannot prove myself in a research paper or test. Preserverence is the key. Most of my cousins and brother have ADHD and one is in graduate school now and is known almost world wide literally at the age of 25 for his art and the other is in college in couer de alene. My brother will just be entering college in the fall (he struggled in high school, he has a 2.2 GPA) but he'll preservere. None of my family members have been on prescription meds. Actually its just recently that many of us have decided to start meds.

melissa i teach children with adhd and some are very bright i also know adults with adhd and they are doing fine its not the end of the world he will actually be able to focus more and learn more

Melissa:
Just b/c your son probably has ADD/ADHD does not rule him out of life's runnings. Do you realize how minor ADHD is compared to what he could have wrong with him. ADHD didn't keep me from being a nurse, I just needed to be on a small amount of medication. It sounds like if he's getting in trouble in school (one of primary dx symptoms) he'd be better off w/ a little Rx. It may be devastating to you & for that much, I feel you really need to read up on ADHD before you sign your sons' life away. I may not be the sanest person on the planet, but my ADHD pales next to the SI,depression and eating disorders! Step back and try to get things into perspective here. It is good is your son is ADHD, that he is getting help that he needs NOW! It can turn into juvenile rebellion as he gets older w/o the help he needs.
Sit down and voice your concerns w/ the people at his school. Speak now or your son could go in the wrong direction later on....

Here's a list of some people you might've heard of who either have or are suspected of having ADD/ADHD

Einstein
Leonardo DaVinci
Socrates
Mozart
Beethoven
Thomas Edison
Alexander Graham Bell
Orville and Wilbur Wright
Steven Spielberg
Henry David Thoreau
Woodrow Wilson
Bill Cosby
Edgar Allen Poe
Nolan Ryan
John F. Kennedy
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Whoopi Goldberg
Ernest Hemingway
Dustin Hoffman
Abraham Lincoln
Galileo
William Randolph Hearst
George Bernard Shaw
Muhammad Anwar al-Sadat
Ann Bancroft
Magic Johnson
John Lennon
Nostradamus
John D. Rockafeller
Michael Jordan
Pete Rose
Bruce Jenner
Napoleon
General George Patton
Pablo Picasso
Babe Ruth
Harry Belafonte
George Burns
Andrew Carnegie
Salvador Dali
Dwight D. Eisenhower
William Butler Yeats
Prince Charles
Louis Carroll
Eleanor Roosevelt
Louis Pasteur

READ MORE HERE...

My 22 year old son as ADHD and he is terrific. He is fun, outgoing, well liked by everyone. He is also very creative. He did struggle somewhat in school but everything balanced out OK. He is successfully employed in a job that he loves - it is a very physical job so he is always on the move and HAPPY!!!!He has such talent - he can put anything together - it's amazing.

So please take heart, ADHD is well known and accepted.

From my experience, the schools helped me thru out to help manage his symptoms.

Tips the doctors gave me
The doctors told me that getting him out to "green" areas where he can run and blow off steam was important - and it seemed to help alot.
They also suggested that I "rock" him - they said the motion comforted him so I did that. Limiting TV helped alot.

Please take heart... it will be fine...

In response to your bleak outlook, it is very understandable as you enter into an unknown area that gets such bad press. However, Amyl and Petunia point out that ADHD, even ADHD/ODD, in my opinion , isn't a death sentence. In fact controlling the disorder during a child's developmental years and focusing as much as possible at getting the child educated will determine what his adult life will be like. Harnessing and directing all that energy in correct directions, being oblivous to the comments and opinions of others and understanding that as difficult as it might be at times as a young adult you will have contributed a young man to our society with many of the attributes in Petunia's list being what he is most known for. Moments of dispair, disappointments, frustration and anger will pass and tomorow truly is another day. Just finish the one in progress, always moving the ball back in to the direction you want it to go. You have to learn as much from the professional community and legitimate sources of written materials as is possible. At any time that you may feel exhausted and defeated you are vulnerable to the alternative treatment scammers and other predators lying in wait with promises of solutions the easy way; take this, use this, all natural, miracle breakthrough. The fact is that a stimulant medication to knock down the intensity of the behavioral symptoms is necessary so that the child is receptive to being taught appropriate social behavior using behavioral interventions that employ experiential learning strategies. Typical parenting practices don't get the job done. Rational discussions and reasoning are a waste of your breath and invite discussion which becomes arguing. That you probably have already experienced. You only need to say things once. "Why should I put my toys away."
"Because you want to play with them again." If he puts them away he can play with them again. If you put them away he can play with them when you feel like giving him access to them. He is totally dependent on you for everything he has and most of what he does. You have to demonstrate your power and control, which an adult has and should exercise when it is in the best interest of teaching their children to behave in a civilized manner. If you are a wimp you r child will walk all over you and your home will be an environment full of chaos, anger and hostility. On the other hand by providing good management of the home environment you accomplish two things. You acquire time to be together with your child when you can tell him how much you love him and how proud of him that you are. You also use the home as a place where he learns the realionship between his behavior as acceptable and all the good things that it makes accessible to him, versus behavior that is not appropriate and how that results in deprivation of those things. Children do not tolerate deprivation of fun things well and if you are firm in following through with rules and consequences when they are not followed he will soon capitulate in favor of doing it your way. The way the responsible adult parent says it should be done. It's not hard to hook up your program with school. Certain items the child wants are contingent on the absence of a bad report from the teacher. This empowers the teacher to screw his life up good at home if he chooses to have a good time at her expense with disruptive or other undesirable behavior in school. Never fight with school people unless they want to do something out of line to your child. Their complaints and descriptions of his behavior will generally be true although he may deny this all the way home in order to avoid entering a house where the usual array of electronic toys is unavailable to him for the afternoons entertainment. He'll have to make do with Legos and a coloring book because you have cut the power to the outlet where all those mesmerizing appliances receive life at the breaker switch or fuse box (unknown to him). So when he turns one on, as he will when you are not present he will be disappointed and may mistakenly report it to you as broken. When asked how he aquired this knowledge he will commence to concoct a very reasonable, in his eyes, explanation. Just ignore it. Don't respond with a rewarding exchange on the issue that is stimulating and enjoyable for him, as this will result in more of the same for years to come. All you have to do is participate and he wins as he demonstrates how easily he controls your behavior. If you show an interest in those types of conversations he is going to drive you crazy in a very short time, as you probably already know (again) with manipulative verbal behavior that compares to that of a good trial lawyer. Remember this one thing. You have been blessed with a wonderful, powerful NASCAR machine and all you need to do is learn how to drive it. A behavior therapist with a background in Applied Behavior Analysis is a must if you can locate one and the treating physician should be a psychiatrist with trianing and experience with children's ADHD. Good luck again. The country is experiencing a shortage of psychiatrists of any type. Pediatricians seem to think they can make a diagnosis of ADHD, then presriibe and manage the adminstration of a stimulant medication. Most of the horror stories about stimulant meds that make them controversial when they shouldn't be are a result of the fact that they actually can't. You can read about the messed up experiences with meds that parents have on these and other message boards. They refer to, "the doctor" not, " the psychiatrist," because it's usually the pediatrician doing the case. Determination will win the day so keep looking until you find appropriate clinical help. You have about 15 years ahead of you and you want the best team you can possibly assemble. They will be with you a long time and real assets for you so don't go messing with them. They are your best pals. With one exception. If your behavior therapist suggests the use of time outs as a response to rule breaking your child's symptoms are either mild or the therapist lacks talent for his profession. Time outs are dangerous. The purpose is to control and punish. They teach the child nothing and the kids get used to them quickly. The danger is what do you do when the child resists going? and when he resists you physically? being put into time out, which is what your therapist will instruct you to do next. You create a child that is comfortable with physical confrontations with parents and will probably initiate physical aggression in situations unrelated to time out in the future. Not to worry though, this same therapist will instruct you on how to physically restrain your child because he will say , "You have to show him that you are in charge, not the child." If you have to restrain your child think about it, who's in charge.?Who is controlling who? The child knows what to expect when he provokes you a certain way. Wrestling time. It is probably more fun than what he originally asked for and was denied. And after all by simply uttering the magic words, "I'm calm now ," you will be more than happy to release him as you don't think that it is as much fun as he does. Pay no attention to all his hollering. It's done for affect. Makes it a more stimulating experience. It's not an uncontrollable rage. When it begins offer him a piece of chocolate cake with gobs of frosting on it and see how soon the rage repairs itself. He may shed tears due to disappointment and sympathy seeking but the noise is all about adding histrionics for a better effect.
Rebounder

Melissa,
I teach students with learning disabilities and AD/HD (I have for 11 years). It sounds like your son has been referred to child study for testing. In our state, we don't test for AD/HD, a doctor has to diagnose it. Please, Please don't hesitate to PM me or reply to this with questions. I consider myself a child advocate as many parents who have children with special needs need someone who is knowledgeable about the law. It will help you to know what to expect when your child is going through the evaluation process.

I love teaching students with AD/HD! Yes, it can be very challenging and stressful, but it is so rewarding. Read books by Mel Levine, a child psychologist who has written a few excellent books (my favorite being Laziness is a Myth). They are not specifically about AD/HD but describe different aspects of students who learn in different modalities.

I'll give you a helpful technique that an occupational therapist taught me. This helps if your child is really hyper and needs to calm down, like before bed. Get a beanbag, the ones kids use to sit on the floor, and a yoga ball (size small would be best). Put the beanbag on the floor and ask your child to lay down on it face down. Then take the ball and roll it up and down the length of your child, from head to toe. You want to keep pushing the ball down so your child will feel the pressure,
which is what is supposed to give the calming effect. The OT called it getting pancaked. Some kids like a lot of pressure, some like it very light. Your child will let you know. It really works, try it!

I know EXACTLY what you're going through. When my son was dx at that age (he's now almost 21) I FREAKED. Like Soliaree said, in every state we've ever lived in, the school can recommend testing but it has to be done by an MD. We were very lucky. We were living out west at the time and had the good fortune of being miles from one of the top dr's in the field. For a Dx she had all school records and spend 3 hours a day with him (alone) for two weeks.

She understood our reluctance at putting our child on meds and we tried a variety of different things. Diet therapy was the most difficult, but none of it helped. We did eventually decide to put him on meds. He was placed on the smallest dosage and it made a WORLD of difference.

Even at 5 years old he realised he had to work so much harder at anything to get anything done. He remained on the meds until he was a Jr. in High School.

Good luck! You'll be surpised at how much better life is for him and the entire family once the ADHD is under control.

If you do a little research you'll find that the cloud ADHD does have a silver lining. They have the ability that allows them to do this "superfocus" thing. If he finds something that he enjoys doing there will be no stopping him! He might end up being the scientist that finds the cure for cancer!

I have ADHD, and although it can make things difficult at times and I used to hate it,I'm not sure I would change things now. I've learned to see the positive side, and I think that's one of the most important aspects of successfully dealing with it. My dad knew I was struggling with it, and he bought me a book called Attention Deficit Disorder A Different Perception by Thom Hartmann. It has a lot of information and perspective that might help you. You said he's only 5, but I can tell you that it meant the world to me to have my parents support and assurance that it wasn't my fault. Good luck with everything.