I'm completely isolated myself

I don't know what's wrong with me. I have so many issues it would take years to fix me. I've managed to completely isolate myself.

It's so uncomfortable talking to my family. I really think I hate my mother 90% of the time. I'm too old to not have a single friend. If I died there would be no best friend, no co-worker who thought I was a contribution to the company, etc.

I'm past the point of caring. I don't want to do anything. Just be by myself and dream about what my life could or should be like. I want to break out and be different but I feel like my family has put me in this spot. I can't stop being the person they expect me to be.

I have a brother who moved to another state and just cut off everyone. He talks to people when he wants but will ignore everyone when he doesn't want to be bothered. He is financially secure independent. People in the family are always calling him for help even though he hasn't done anything for them in years.

On the other hand I'm always doing stuff I don't want to do to please others. Many times they don't ask me to be self sacrificial or appreciate it even if they did ask. I do it anyway.

Now I just want to be left alone but I'm lonely. Does that make any sense?

Zelev said: Makes sense to ME. Other people are just a waste of time. Simply pain without any compensation. But, BUT, it would be nice to be able to relate to someone who didn't hurt you back. Like a cat or a dog.

Old story. Lots have done it. Lots live in it now. You're not alone. Which means, at the very least, you don't have to keep doing it if you don't want to. You CAN have contact, at the very least, with other people who live like you, who are isolated. Because most isolated people don't really want to be TOTALLY isolated. They want to be PROTECTED while at the same time having some kind of SAFE contact with SAFE people who UNDERSTAND them.

And since in our society of over THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE there are LOTS of the same kind of people, you can most definitely find quite a few others with just your combination of wants and needs.

Forget your family. Unless any of them are salvageable. Mothers in particular (in my experience) are very much NOT salvageable. Forget her. Find any relatives you may have who are mentally ill and start relationships with them. They will have something to share. And then there's us, your non-physically, but very mentally-related people who live in the same world you do.

Keep in mind, though, that NO ONE need go without a friend, or several friends. All it takes, in this internet age, is, first, a reasonably clear idea of who you yourself are, what needs, what desires, what characteristics, what preferences. And then, second, a willingness to get out there on the internet and CIRCULATE. Talk to people. Look for the folks who are your true relations. And THEY'RE THERE!!! No kidding. No ********. YOU WILL find friends on the net, people you can relate to, people like you, people entirely similar to whoever you may be.

Of course you can stop. You don't have to be what your family wants you to be. You're a free man! Seriously. Fantasyland may be attractive (look who's talking!) but real friends in reality are a whole lot better. And they're out there! You can find them!

Yeah. Me too. One brother got on and stayed on heroin forever til he died. Another drank himself to death. And then there was the one who got away, like yours. Moved three thousand miles away and refused forever to talk to any of the rest of us. Yeah. Forget him. There just are people who will stop at nothing to save themselves if they think they've found the way. And I can't blame them. You're born, you realize you're in a really terrible family and if you're smart, you clear out and cut your ties, forever. Can't blame 'em. Can't blame 'em at all.

Well, it makes sense as a story, but it doesn't make sense as a way of life. Direct yourself to making friends on the net. Or in real life, at local insitutions like the library, the church, any auxiliary group you can join. The Humane Society (my personal favorite). The senior center. You CAN make friends. EVERYBODY likes to make friends. If you're not scared of them they won't be scared of you! Take care!

Most of what you say rings true...made me laugh at myself anyway. I'm like a little kid stuck in a time loop. I keep repeating the same stuff that doesn't work and then I get upset about it and do it all over again.

Most of my issues are with people I've known my whole life. I know there's a ton of people with different wants and needs but I either I put them into familiar categories or I'm focusing on people with similar personalities so I get the same relationships. Over and over again.

Curious about this though:
Not quite sure what that means... I'm crazy; it was sarcasm or a typo. Most folks with mental illness don't think they have a problem and the ones I know in my family are very close to being locked up. Lol...no thanks!

OMG!!!! Your post sounds like me!! What am I doing? Sometimes I just want to smoke (tobacco) myself to death. But I quit smoking in May and I am in the world of the living. Seeing a counselor (again) here on the Internet (again) taking meds (just started taking them again) going for walks, bicylce rides, visiting museums (again) seeing my brothers sporadically, my sister not at all, and my parents are dead. They were abusive to me, moreso than to my siblings. When my sibs talk about my parents it's as if they are talking about someone else (the lucky people!!) However, I did have some good times with my parents. My advice Zed, be thankful for the good in your life....try to filter out the bad....life isn't 100% good??? Feel sorry for yourself????Try to improve your life NOW!!!!

I've also completely isolated myself. It's funny how hurtful it is when family leave me to myself, even if I have chosen not to be a part of their lives.

I'm not a people person, but I crave a close relationship with another human being. I get the 'wanting to be left alone, but feeling lonely' thing. It sucks to have no one to share things with. But most people annoy me... how do I find people that I can stand to be around for more than five minutes at a time? Maybe I'll just run away and go live on a mountain.

G'day iscarabaider

Aaarrrh the built in clock- where people have to prove themselves as warm and caring within 5 minutes or their out.

Then they have to be able to maintain this warm with our "on the spot" without warning valuations.

We push folks away not to feed the afterthoughts.
You/me/us do crave belonging and attachment and the thought of rejection holds us away.

I manage afterthoughts to allow people in-
Yes, I'm selective to who... but that's my balance.

Snap