If you weren't an avoidant or social phobic ...

Hey, guys!!
I was wondering how much I would like to be a proffessional músician. Thing I neither can dream bc of my avoidance. The single idea of perform something in front of people sounds like impossible for me. With time and experience, I learnt to sing and dance and make any kind of role plays in front of my learners and some coworkers but no further than this.

What things did you have to give up bc of your avoidance or social phobia?

I don't feel comfortable having people come over.

Susan - me too! I have a really hard time inviting people over. I feel much too responsible over how they're feeling and worry so much about wasting their time.

I would have liked to be more athletic. I'm way too worried over how I look and standing out and not being good enough for a team of any sport that I never, ever tried.

I would have liked to have a career.

Some once told me "don't sell yourself short." It's taken a long time to "get it."
I'm trying to accept myself. I've compared myself with others so much.
I relate to Avoidant personality. The feelings of inferiority, worrying about what others think of me, I've felt too much.
Having to avoid people cause I always felt so "worn out" by them. I like my space.

I truly understand you.
This disorder makes you be and feel an outsider in life.
I really heard you when you said that you would study a career bc for me was as climbing up the Everest. I missed many lessons bc I felt so strange, so different to my classmates. My love for this career saved me bc I work very hard at home doing the research, reading books...but it was hard as hell.

If you let me an advise, I would say to you that look for help to do a therapy. You need to better your self-acceptance and your self-steem. Only when you get it you will be able to stop comparing with other people.
I do it. Why won't you be able, too?

I would like to do fun learning things like take dance classes. I would like to do outdoorsy stuff like hiking or canoeing. If I wasn't an avoidant I probably would have gone to college or at least taken a class or two to see if it lead to anything else.

I would be happy!

We have to learn how to be happy with our faults.
I would also be happier if I wasn't an avoidant but I think this disorder made of me what I am and there are also positive things about being an avoidant.
Perhaps, I'm wrong but I think people with AvPD are moré consider with other people than the average.
It also means that you are forced to know yourself better. Many people live their lifes without any awareness of who they are.
I like to talk to other avoidants bc they have much moré interesting conversations than the average.
I also think avoidants have a great inner world.

Thanks for saying this positive stuff. Lets keep this thread going.

What career did you pursue? Can you tell us more?

I'm not against therapy......I have had therapy. I'd go again if the need arises.
What I'm doing is trying to tell my story. It is good to communicate and not be so locked up. This is a good therapy. I've been helped so much with Psychcentral.

I'd maybe have more close friends.

I have a limit that i will not exceed or I'm just taking on more than i can emotionally manage.
Friends is a commitment that non's or everyday people seem to do effortlessly.

I just can't see it possible to have many friends with trying to balance being liked, connecting to them, having the freedom to back away unnoticed, fighting the Avie pull plus being able to come back... again unnoticed without loosing your spot.
And if that person has lots of friends well that's definitely not going to work as that's one struggling non important, self doubting with low self esteem avie against many people can manage friendships and social situations seamlessly.

Hard answering these questions as it feels like I'm complaining.
Snap

Thanks AzulOscuro

I do 'manage' in most situations I will allow myself to be in but I can't help but think of the joy of not needing to plan and have escape routes set up my partner on call make sure my fiddles and calming stones are in my pocket (thats the day before I go out) and just walk out the door go to a shopping centre I have never been to meet a group of friends.

I love my partner my job the study I'm doing so I have a career I absolutely adore where I live and the friends I do have are kind patient and loving after a big crash last year things are very slowly getting better and I'm feeling positive about my/our future for the first time in a long time

I guess maybe I mean the joy and happiness spontaneous adventures would bring!

Education. I'm a teacher. I feel moré comfortable with kids.

I can't count how many times I attended to a therapist. This is a long road.
A personality disorder never cures and you always need a push to live with it.

Very true. I never could manage to have moré than two "true friends". And I think they are very understanding of my situation. Not everybody can be the friend of an avoidant.

Because of my avoidance issues, I've never had many close relationships, always keeping friends, family, girlfriends at arms' length, fear of intimacy and commitment I believe it's called. Therefore I've never been married or had any children and envy those who can achieve this with ease.

AvpD are more considerate probably because they want to be treated that way too. love your brother as you love yourself

I think I would have been an awesome dancer, even if it were available to me financially after certain childhood events I couldn't bear to stand up in front of a room of people let alone make myself so vulnerable and open to hurt.

I can relate except I married the same mutually sick man twice and hurt him and possibly caused his passing from it. I have always been a cheater I think that keeps the distance I now realize I felt I needed.

Totally true, AvLady. No mérit here, but this is it.

[QUOTE=AzulOscuro;4227809]Education. I'm a teacher. I feel moré comfortable with kids.


You accomplished alot. What grade do you teach?? It must be nice working with kids.
Did you have any family support when you were going to school to become a teacher?

[QUOTE=susanemily;4231104]Just now, I'm teaching kids from 3 to 12 years old. I know all the kids in the school, so I'm very lucky bc wherever I go I can hear a voice calling me. Lol!
They are eating chocolate or whatever and they put spots on my jacket bc they want to hug me. I don't mind it.

I always had support from my family. They didn't understand what problem I had but they supported me a lot in other things.
I remember that my dad took me to school in my first day of job. I was so nervous that I got sick in the car. But, people was really nice there.

When I got my first salary I looked for a therapist and he began the therapy for the most urgent, making possible my adaptation to work.
I remember when my father came to the town my school was and saw me talking to one of my kids. He said: " I thought you wouldn't be able to do this"

I'm glad you have a partner and a career you love Can you tell me about your calming stones? Those sound nice

Yes, Tepee. Congratulations. You have people who support you and sounds that you are progressing.
What's your job? If you don't mind I ask you.

My life would be completely different. I am socially phobic with everyone, including members of my family, so it would be a real trip for me. I have been drunk a few times and able to socialise without too much fear, so I assume it would be something like that.