[che170]

I must be out of my mind. I have done everything possible for my.....don't know I guess now ex. bf. I have found him a new doc, new meds,which I'm sure is most of the problem, trying to find the right combination. I won't go into too much, it's in all my past discussions. Anyway, I took him on a cruise for his birthday, we have been going to counseling together also, but I guess it's one of those times the meds may not be just right, because I've been left....he just walked out on me the day we got back from the cruise. You would think that's bad enough, to leave the ship and then for him to tell me it's over and he walks out on me....but he left me 3000 miles away from home....well I guess his home. I moved in with him last October and he walked out on me and told me he didn;t want this relationship anymore and I'm not to go back to "his" home. So he left me on the other side of the country. Maybe I deserve this for hanging in there with him and hoping things would change. I get the whole BP thing and I would have stayed and worked on everything with him, but I guess this it it. I mean I spent alot of money for his birthday cruise to Alaska and then the day he returns he goes back East and leaves me stranded. I am soooo hurt I can't think straight right now. How does this happen. I guess I should have taken your past suggestions and left him because as many of you said it doesn't sound as much like BP as it does abuse. I hate to sound like a broken record, but I still cannot believe it, though I shouldn't be surprised. Finding him online for affairs, him lying to my face on several occassions about what he's been doing and all the while meeting female "friends". I even fell yesterday and got hurt and went back to our cabin to put ice on my hip, he said he would go and bring dinner back for us, he was gone about 45 mins when I decided to hobble and there he was h aving dinner with someone else. Is love really that blind or am I really that stupid. Now here I am.....I'm about to lose it myself with all that he has put me through. I really am in need of some support and advice.....I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!

[che170]

I know it's the BP and the meds need to be changed, that's why I have stayed for so long and I would continue, but I feel he needs to want the help also. I'm still here in WA. and trying to figure out my next step. I haven't heard from him, but our therapist called me today and my bf (ex) has cancelled all future appts. I am hoping to talk to his psych. doc tomorrow to be sure he continues there. He at least was willing to go and take meds. I hope he is ok. I heard from his Mom, she left me a msg. and it sounds as though he's not home yet, though she has heard from him and doesn't sound worried. I still love him very much, if that doesn't sound to crazy, even with all that has happened. Maybe our vacation was too much for him. I'd still be by his side if he had let me, am I making too much of what happened and should I be more supportive and realize it's the BP or at some point is that not to be used as an excuse to do these things. I reach out to you all because I've received such good advice. Maybe I should have listened to you sooner, but it's difficult when you love someone. I have 2 children with special needs and I wouldn't give up on them, but the reality is they wouldn't have left me 3000 miles from home. Is it selfish of me to take a step back and take care of me for a while, or am I not being supportive enough?

[jerrymichele]

I really don't know the full extent of your relationship with this man, but if I was left 3000 miles away from my home, I would get out. You also need to think about your kids. Honestly I wouldn't even want him around my kids. Not only did he leave you stranded, but you need to think about you and your kids safety. Sounds a little to dangerous for me. Seriously, I would let him go. Sorry I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just telling you what I would do.

[paddym22]

You have done everything you possibly could to help this man with regards to his illness. His behaviour towards you is unacceptable Bipolar or no Bipolar. It is time you started looking after the most important person here in this fractured relationship and that is you and then you will be able to tend to your children.

[Berries]

(((((((((((CHE)))))))))))

I am so sorry this has happened. I can't believe he did that to you. If it were me the realationship would be completely severed and no going back even if I did still love him.

From all your other posts, it sounds like he is ABUSIVE. And you should not let his dx of bipolar be an excuse. There is no excuse for abuse.
It sounds like he is incapable of maintaining a loving realationship. That means he should not be in one until he is capable, if he ever is.

Plz don't go back to this man. You deserve so much better. Start thinking about yourself again. Start loving yourself and being gentle and kind with yourself.

I know I am coming on strong. But the only reason I am is because I care about you.
Please keep posting. We care. I care.

[che170]

I want to thank you all for your support, it really does mean alot.

I guess I was so upset when I wrote my last post, I should mention my children are not living with me, they are older and do not live at home. I would never think to put my children through this, not to say that I deserve t his treatment either, but if my children were with me, as awful as it may sound, I wouldn't have been as supportive as I have been with him.

I know what he does is abusive, and I have left my previous marriage for spousal abuse. I do not want to make excuses, but because of his illness is why I stayed so long. I still feel bad, thinking maybe I didn't do enough or not the right thing. I know he hasn't been in any successful relationships, only one marriage that lasted 3 yrs. and ended 16 yrs ago, still, when things were good they were great. I found out yesterday from our counselor that he has canceled all therapy sessions, I guess that should say something too. I still am worried, though knowing him and the way he operates, I don't doubt he is already seeing someone else, has buried himself in his work and will blame me for all that has happened so he won't have to deal with reality.

Because my feelings for him were and still are real, it doesn't stop the hurt at the mement, but again thank you all for your support, I really means alot to hear from you all.

[Amazonmom]

I know it hurts so much...but you cannot let being with him end up destroying you.

You did all you could, I hope you take some comfort in that.

[che170]

Thanks, I believe I did all I could, but I still can't help but worry. He hasn't tried to contact me, and if he is still in his paranoia state, he still believes I will come after him.

I spoke with our counselor today, and he suggests that until he is ready to get help, I should stay away. He's afraid it might be too dangerous for me, especially since he has cancelled his appt. and does not believe he needs therapy. I am not ready to go back yet, I really don't have a place to go at the moment. I am still across the country, and I'm not ready to face him after everyhting he has done. I really do hope I have done all that is possible at the moment, but as I said I still am worried for him.

Thank you again for all of your support, I feel like I'm in limbo right now and not sure where else to turn.