My partner and my bipolar

My partner does not understand bipolar. She has never experienced it or known anyone who has experienced it. She wants "the old Lauru back" and when I fake it for her and try to be happy and perky, then she says and insinuates that I don't have to fake being sick to get off of work, that I can leave work if I want to. Well D**N, I fake it for her and then she accuses me of faking bipolar depression. She says she is stressed right now and can't cope with me being sick. My pdoc and therapist say she should be there for me when I am sick and not judge me. I don't know what to think or do anymore. I love her and I truly believe I would breakdown if I didn't have her. Nevermind that I wouldn't have a place to stay or live. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks guys

(((((Laru))))) My husband doesn't understand my depression either.."just cheer up"....."you have a good life"....."just be happy".... If we could do that....we would have already!!! I guess if you don't have it it's hard to understand it..although....if we had cancer or something like that I think they would... I feel your pain sweetie...It's hard to feel like this and be alone with it... Sending you good thoughts!!! No one chooses this....

Thanks so much Susan. Sending hugs right back at you...
It's nice to know that other people out there understand. I don't feel so alone.

I'm not in therapy (although I should be)...but I have seen other people suggest that their mate attend a session with them to get a better understanding of this disease...Have you considered that?

She has been to a session with me once briefly. Right now she says she is too stressed out to learn about bipolar. She doesn't want to think about me being sick. She said she'd rather just think that I don't have it and I am the "old Lauru". She says it's because she loves me so much that she just can't deal with it right now.

That does totally suck. Having support is essential to getting well. I'm kind of lucky in one sense that due to the economic downturn I only can get 1 day of work per week. Otherwise, I wouldn't have enough time to go to all my Dr's appts and start to manage the disease (considering they just figured out I'm not unipolar depressed). My mate just wants me to feel better and has seen me at relatively normal times or even on highs when I was intensely creative, so he knows this prolonged depression is just the fluctuating chemicals and not me. I think there may be some people who use their diagnosis as an excuse to not do anything productive with their lives (but those are rare cases and usually the people are not in treatment, not taking their meds, and not trying everything they can to get better, which you are). Also, these people tend to have been trashy and irresponsible and uncaring of others' feelings prior to their diagnosis.

You are still the same person you were before your diagnosis and I hope you will find the support you need on the road to managing this serious illness. Mental illness and disorders will probably always have a stigma attached to them, but only by those who refuse to understand them because they've never had someone they loved be transformed before their eyes and against their will. And they've probably also never seen the wonders of treatment they have today. Like the artists of old, we might have ended up in a sanitorium and/or ended our lives were it not for the medications and talk therapy now available.

This is serious and I hope in time your SO will be un-stressed enough to understand that and you. It's not really her fault that she's overwhelmed. I mean, everyone has stress in their life to varying degrees. I'd suggest making an appointment with her for sometime in the future where you can have a weekend or a couple days of relaxation and education aobut bipolar. Going to therapy together could just be one of the events in an otherwise vacation-type time to just be with each other. You're not the problem and neither is she. It's this blasted illness and things will get better the more the both of you understand and continue to treat it.

Thanks so much thinker for the reply. I agree, we are both good people, it is this damn illness. At least we love each other and care about each other. I hope the rest will come in time. I am hoping to get back to work soon. The pdoc is adjusting my meds and when I get stable on them I can go back to work, which I love.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I am the gf or I should say ex. gf of the man I love with all my heart....he is the one who lives with BP. In my experience, not being the one that has to live with BP, I immediately went onto this site and went to the doc to get a better understanding, and we tried couples therapy for a few months. He gave up on everything...even me. If you can get your gf to go, it would be in her and your best interest. Though it killed me to see him suffer all I could do was support him, whether it meant listening to him or leaving him alone until he was ready to talk and sometimes holding him when he asked. I give you all credit in the world for wanting your significant others by you. As supportive as I was he kicked me out of our home constantly and this time left me 3000 miles from home and broke it off with me (I now am without a home or job). I still love him with all my heart and would go back into therapy with him and continue on this site all in hopes of understanding more and if I did everything I could have for him and us. I applaud you Lauru for wanting her support. I only hope she does find a way to help you and get a better understanding. You sound like a great guy. I wish my ex. had your outlook on relationships. Take care and good luck

Thank you for the kudos. However, I am not a guy, I'm a girl. But I did talk with her tonight about my feelings and going to intensive outpatient therapy to get better. She has given me her support even if she doesn't fully understand it. She loves me still and promises to stay with me even if I get ill, as long as I do my part and take meds and not drink. Which I am more than willing to do. I am so lucky to have her.

I'm sooo sorry Lauru, I truly did not mean to callyou a guy...I've been so "out of it" since losing everything, and in no way is that an excuse for my stupidity. Again, I am sorry.

Does she come onto this site herself? I found it very helpful to hear from both those who live with BP and their significant others. I believe you are BOTH very lucky to have each other.

No worries, it was an easy mistake. there's no need to be sorry. As for my partner, she doesn't come on here. She just wants to believe that I don't have it and that everything is ok. So I fake it for her, because I love her. And she supports me in my recovery, as long as I don't talk too much about it.

I think it's great she supports you in your recovery and that you love each other, but isn't loving someone also accepting them for who they are.

I don't know that it's such a good idea to have to "fake it" for her. I know you love her, but living with BP, as awful as this illness is, is what you have to live with daily. If she is such a great support, maybe she will eventually be able to handle the truth about the BP. But in the meantime, don't be untrue to yourself by not being able to feel what you do also. As difficult as it was to see my ex. go through what he did, I would never deny it for him, he had to be able to express whatever he was feeling. I in no way believe what he did to me was right, but while we were together if he needed to vent, was depressed or needed alone time, I granted his wishes and could only be supportive. Just my opinion.

I agree with you. I am sure once she gets educated about BP she will be able to handle all this better. We have only been together a year and this is the first time I have gotten sick in that time. I think she is in shock a little. But she does ask me how I am doing, and I tell her the truth. Sometimes though, I feel guilty for being sick and needing treatment. I know I shouldn't but it is what it is...

I relate. This year and a half of severe depression is the first time my guy has known me to have any issues and it was hard for him to accept too, but now I have a piece of paper with a diagnosis and medication for bipolar, so he's getting used to it. Plus, I'm hypomanic today so it's pretty easy to see as compared to yesterday when I was extremely depressed and wished I was...you know.