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  #1  
Old Jul 12, 2009, 06:07 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Hey everyone
First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this, and appologize if this is a waste of your time
Anyway the reason I am posting is because I am concerned about my mental health, and what is wrong with me. I guess I should start with my history (sorry if this turns out to be long)
Well I am a 17 year old female and I have not had the best childhood. I was abused by my father for years (sexually and physically) he also did drugs and drunk. My sister was also abused and since she is a lot older then me I grew up watching her get ptsd, be hospitalized and join group homes for most of my childhood. I recently found papers documenting my therapy when I was a child that said at the age of 6 I had suicidal tendencies. In middle school I started cutting myself and it continued all the way until hghschool where my mom found out and I told her about my abuse and cutting. After that night we basically never spoke about it again, because I know she feels guilty and that if I bring it up she will freak out about it (being the nurse she is).
Lately I have had growing concerns that there is something wrong with me mentally. I fear that I am bipolar as I have some of the symptoms and I have had my friends mention my moods. I go through periods of happiness and depression and anger all the time, the depression being the worst, and the anger being the most noticed. I know bipolar disorder can be confused with many other disorders, which is why I am not sure. I cannot tell my mom, and cannot talk to a doctor as of yet.
I am not sure what else to add, but I welcome and ask for advice and opinions, and overall just need someone to talk to.
I am sorry for taking your time. And thanks for listening.

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  #2  
Old Jul 13, 2009, 05:59 AM
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Nihel Nihel is offline
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I may not be the best to give advice but you are more then welcome to message me if you ever want to talk. Have you tried telling your mom how you have been feeling and see if she could get you set up with someone who could help and would be able to tell you whats wrong. Sorry if i'm not much help Hang in there it always gets better.
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  #3  
Old Jul 13, 2009, 10:00 AM
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Dear, don't fret. You're not a bother at all; that's what this place is for. Research has shown, the sooner you get help, the better. Your symptoms will only increase in severity as time goes on, regardless of what your ailment actually is. I'm sure any of us are more than happy to talk to you. Chin up. Let me know if there's anything I can help with.
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"I'm insecure, impatient, and a little selfish. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
  #4  
Old Jul 13, 2009, 04:15 PM
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Thanks for responding
I cannot talk to my mom about because she would never understand, I have tried talking to her before and it doesnt work.
This is just all so confusing
  #5  
Old Jul 13, 2009, 07:11 PM
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Welcome Lise17
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  #6  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 05:03 AM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nihel View Post
I may not be the best to give advice but you are more then welcome to message me if you ever want to talk. Have you tried telling your mom how you have been feeling and see if she could get you set up with someone who could help and would be able to tell you whats wrong. Sorry if i'm not much help Hang in there it always gets better.
Thank you so much for caring. It's always nice to know someone cares!
  #7  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 06:04 AM
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paddym22 paddym22 is offline
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Lise

You are very welcome here and always feel free to post, dont fret about whether you get replies or not, it really depends on what time of the day you post and which forum you post in as some forums more than others have greater traffic. But saying that there is always someone willing to listen to you. One thing I will say to you is that we cannot replace a doctor, we are not here to diagnose just to support and certainly never advise on meds just tell you our own experiences. I think it must be very overwhelming for you at the moment, you describe some very challenging situations to come to terms with. Keep trying with your mother, dont give up. However before you declare what diagnosis you have find out what diagnosis,if any, you have and the only way you will do this is to see a professional. Is there anyone a friend or a counsellor or even your mother than you can talk to and say how you feel at the moment without saying anything specific but just that you suspect something is up and would like some help. Sometimes it takes several years to get a diagnosis as the health professional may need to observe you. And as you rightly say several of the symptoms of Bi Polar are symptomatic of other conditions or disorders so it could be one of many. Look around, get familiar with all the forums, the Q&A, the Blogs, Research there really is so much here to digest.

And remember we are all here for each other, in good or bad times

Paddy
  #8  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 01:40 PM
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Lynnie B Lynnie B is offline
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Location: Preston, UK
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Hey Lisa,

Your sure have been through alot and you sure do need to get some professional help. I understand you cannot talk to your mum, have you been to your doctors? He can refer you. Have you got someone who can go to the doctors with you if you dont want to go on your own?? Do you have any support??

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  #9  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 05:11 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paddym22 View Post
Lise

You are very welcome here and always feel free to post, dont fret about whether you get replies or not, it really depends on what time of the day you post and which forum you post in as some forums more than others have greater traffic. But saying that there is always someone willing to listen to you. One thing I will say to you is that we cannot replace a doctor, we are not here to diagnose just to support and certainly never advise on meds just tell you our own experiences. I think it must be very overwhelming for you at the moment, you describe some very challenging situations to come to terms with. Keep trying with your mother, dont give up. However before you declare what diagnosis you have find out what diagnosis,if any, you have and the only way you will do this is to see a professional. Is there anyone a friend or a counsellor or even your mother than you can talk to and say how you feel at the moment without saying anything specific but just that you suspect something is up and would like some help. Sometimes it takes several years to get a diagnosis as the health professional may need to observe you. And as you rightly say several of the symptoms of Bi Polar are symptomatic of other conditions or disorders so it could be one of many. Look around, get familiar with all the forums, the Q&A, the Blogs, Research there really is so much here to digest.

And remember we are all here for each other, in good or bad times

Paddy
Thank you so much for replying =) it is true that I should I see the doctor, by I am unable to. I just don't know if its worth it anymore, going on like this any longer.
  #10  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 05:13 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnie B View Post
Hey Lisa,

Your sure have been through alot and you sure do need to get some professional help. I understand you cannot talk to your mum, have you been to your doctors? He can refer you. Have you got someone who can go to the doctors with you if you dont want to go on your own?? Do you have any support??

No I don't have anyone and no support unfortunetly
  #11  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 05:44 PM
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amaviena amaviena is offline
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there are tons of places out there that are community advocacy. If you don't have money for insurance, doctor bills, and medicine, there's also all sorts of assistance for that.
__________________
- Amanda (amaviena@gmail.com)

"I'm insecure, impatient, and a little selfish. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
  #12  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 08:03 PM
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thinker22 thinker22 is offline
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Hey Lise, welcome.

That's terrible what you've been through and are going through. I've had abuse and self harm issues as well. Everyone's situation is unique, and the pain and distress you feel is very personal. When you're still a minor, or even a young adult, it can feel impossible to talk to parents or authorities about your problems. In fact, communication is one of the hardest things for abused people. I stutter and stammer sometimes when I get emotional. It's like the verbal parts of my brain are being short circuited by the intense feelings.

I was looking up some resources to help you and this is a reputable site that has links to state and local programs for adolescents and adults:

http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=Find_Support

This is a glossary compiled for parents and teens to learn more about the various problems you may be facing:

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/resourc...ting_teenagers

Also check out the resource center after you have a better idea of what you might be dealing with (although none of these websites are a substitution for the help of a professional): http://www.aacap.org/cs/eaacap.resource.centers

This is an article about a program called teenscreen, that tries to remove the stigma from a mental checkup and is offered across the country:

http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/355/26/2717

Here's the teenscreen site itself and you can see if there's a place that offers the evaluation close to where you live:
http://www.teenscreen.org/programs-and-initiatives

This is if you want to start searching teenscreen centers by state: http://www.teenscreen.org/state-resource-center

This is a comprehensive resource for young people with bipolar (if you wish to compare your feelings and symptoms with the typical signs)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...ad/index.shtml

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you. You can ignore any of this or just pick one that looks like it might be of help. And definitely take your time. Getting help is a long term process, but it sounds like you're on the right path. You've recognized you want help and there are many many places to find it. Most states have programs for the uninsured or low-income adults and minors to get free medications and have low cost therapy. For example, this is a site totally devoted to helping teens find doctors, low cost or free meds, etc.:

http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer?pagename=other

We're here for you too. I'm glad you came on the site. Everyone I've met here has been super helpful and kind. I only got diagnosed with bipolar a month ago, so I was totally lost and am still getting the hang of treating it.

Stay in touch.
__________________
Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.
-Christopher Hitchens
  #13  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 08:59 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amaviena View Post
there are tons of places out there that are community advocacy. If you don't have money for insurance, doctor bills, and medicine, there's also all sorts of assistance for that.
No its not that, Its just that my mom would probably kill herself if she found out something else was wrong with me, she wouldnt be able tot handle it
  #14  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 09:04 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinker22 View Post
Hey Lise, welcome.

That's terrible what you've been through and are going through. I've had abuse and self harm issues as well. Everyone's situation is unique, and the pain and distress you feel is very personal. When you're still a minor, or even a young adult, it can feel impossible to talk to parents or authorities about your problems. In fact, communication is one of the hardest things for abused people. I stutter and stammer sometimes when I get emotional. It's like the verbal parts of my brain are being short circuited by the intense feelings.

I was looking up some resources to help you and this is a reputable site that has links to state and local programs for adolescents and adults:

http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=Find_Support

This is a glossary compiled for parents and teens to learn more about the various problems you may be facing:

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/resourc...ting_teenagers

Also check out the resource center after you have a better idea of what you might be dealing with (although none of these websites are a substitution for the help of a professional): http://www.aacap.org/cs/eaacap.resource.centers

This is an article about a program called teenscreen, that tries to remove the stigma from a mental checkup and is offered across the country:

http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/355/26/2717

Here's the teenscreen site itself and you can see if there's a place that offers the evaluation close to where you live:
http://www.teenscreen.org/programs-and-initiatives

This is if you want to start searching teenscreen centers by state: http://www.teenscreen.org/state-resource-center

This is a comprehensive resource for young people with bipolar (if you wish to compare your feelings and symptoms with the typical signs)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...ad/index.shtml

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you. You can ignore any of this or just pick one that looks like it might be of help. And definitely take your time. Getting help is a long term process, but it sounds like you're on the right path. You've recognized you want help and there are many many places to find it. Most states have programs for the uninsured or low-income adults and minors to get free medications and have low cost therapy. For example, this is a site totally devoted to helping teens find doctors, low cost or free meds, etc.:

http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer?pagename=other

We're here for you too. I'm glad you came on the site. Everyone I've met here has been super helpful and kind. I only got diagnosed with bipolar a month ago, so I was totally lost and am still getting the hang of treating it.

Stay in touch.

Thank you so much for that caring reply, at this time in my life its nice to know people who have gone through the same things and care. I wish I could say I was doing better now but I just made a huge step back yesterday when I hurt myself again yesterday, I dont think I am in any condition to see a doctor. Esp not in my area as this would spread like crazy..
  #15  
Old Jul 14, 2009, 10:43 PM
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Hi again. If you're worried about people finding out about your condition because it's a small town or rural area, there is always the possibility that you could go to the nearest city to talk to a psychiatrist. If your mom doesn't want to help you, you can definitely go with a friend or by yourself when you turn 18. How long until you're 18?
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  #16  
Old Jul 15, 2009, 03:07 AM
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Lynnie B Lynnie B is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lise17 View Post
No I don't have anyone and no support unfortunetly
Well you have me! And lots of other lovely people on these forums... You can add me as your friend and email me anytime...

Im 26 years old and had depression since i was 12 and know how hard it is as a teenager having it... But you got to never give up. You may feel you have nobody and your alone with this but your not...

Its a difficult and upsetting situation with your mum but you deffinatly need to see someone... Go on the links which thinker22 added in their post..

Stay stong xxx
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  #17  
Old Jul 15, 2009, 03:45 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinker22 View Post
Hi again. If you're worried about people finding out about your condition because it's a small town or rural area, there is always the possibility that you could go to the nearest city to talk to a psychiatrist. If your mom doesn't want to help you, you can definitely go with a friend or by yourself when you turn 18. How long until you're 18?
I will be 18 in a year
  #18  
Old Jul 15, 2009, 03:47 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnie B View Post
Well you have me! And lots of other lovely people on these forums... You can add me as your friend and email me anytime...

Im 26 years old and had depression since i was 12 and know how hard it is as a teenager having it... But you got to never give up. You may feel you have nobody and your alone with this but your not...

Its a difficult and upsetting situation with your mum but you deffinatly need to see someone... Go on the links which thinker22 added in their post..

Stay stong xxx
Thank you and yes I will definetly add you and take you up on your offer if you don't mind...I need someone to talk to
  #19  
Old Jul 15, 2009, 08:04 PM
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That is tough. I couldn't wait for a whole year to get some relief. I feel like I can't even wait a day when my depression is so severe. I don't know how you will be able to get some help, but I hope you will fight and do whatever necessary to get help, with or without your mom.



And yes, we're here for you. Feel free to dump on us (we dump on each other when we're having crappy days...it's therapeutic).

Also, about your self injury, if it's infected or not closing up (if it is a wound), please do see a doctor or a nurse. Worried about you.
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Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.
-Christopher Hitchens
  #20  
Old Jul 15, 2009, 09:07 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinker22 View Post
That is tough. I couldn't wait for a whole year to get some relief. I feel like I can't even wait a day when my depression is so severe. I don't know how you will be able to get some help, but I hope you will fight and do whatever necessary to get help, with or without your mom.



And yes, we're here for you. Feel free to dump on us (we dump on each other when we're having crappy days...it's therapeutic).

Also, about your self injury, if it's infected or not closing up (if it is a wound), please do see a doctor or a nurse. Worried about you.
Yeah its not closing and I can't see a doctor or nurse, but I should be able to close it on my own. You know at this point it barely seems worth it to even go on honestly. Sorry to be depressing ><"
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For the darkness and corruption leave a vestige of the thoughts that once I had, better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.
  #21  
Old Jul 16, 2009, 12:51 AM
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paddym22 paddym22 is offline
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((((((lise17))))))

It is awful to see you suffer.....really.......there are great people out there who are specifically employed to help people like you and I.

Thinker22 gave you some very valuable resources that will help you and put you in the right direction.......Please look at them and use them.

If you are actively S.I. please go to the S.I. forum there is great assistance and advice there that will really help you. It may trigger some people here and I am sure you wouldnt want to do that.

You have mentioned now on a couple of occassions that you feel like you dont want to go on with it. This is very worrying and a serious statment to make which makes us worry even more that you are not prepared to reach out IRL to get help. Again, look at the resources thinker22 has very kindly given you and MAKE THAT CALL. I am sure many of them are anonymous and will point you in the right direction.

It is time to do something about your situation.
  #22  
Old Jul 16, 2009, 12:31 PM
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Why can't you see a dr. or nurse? Are you embarrassed, afraid your mom will find out, not insured?

None of those are good reasons to not get treatment. In fact, if you do get help at a local hospital or clinic or dr.'s office, you may be assigned a counselor by the state, with or without your mom's permission and get the meds and therapy you need.

Please don't neglect yourself. You may be mad at yourself right now, but you'll look back one day and be glad you reached out for help.

Stay in touch. Don't give up. I've felt like giving up, or what's the point or things will never get better, but those feelings pass when you have a good day. And you will have good days. The best days of my life have been since moving out from my parents' house. My childhood and adolescence were pretty bleak. I'm still reeling from those experiences, but I'm so glad I didn't give up when I was there. I've lived a full lifetime of varied and exciting experiences in these past 5 years of freedom. Now I'm free to deal with all this **** and get well. And you're so close to that time of your life. The best is yet to come (although getting well is a tough journey...it is worth it!)
__________________
Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.
-Christopher Hitchens
  #23  
Old Jul 16, 2009, 03:33 PM
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Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by paddym22 View Post
((((((lise17))))))

It is awful to see you suffer.....really.......there are great people out there who are specifically employed to help people like you and I.

Thinker22 gave you some very valuable resources that will help you and put you in the right direction.......Please look at them and use them.

If you are actively S.I. please go to the S.I. forum there is great assistance and advice there that will really help you. It may trigger some people here and I am sure you wouldnt want to do that.

You have mentioned now on a couple of occassions that you feel like you dont want to go on with it. This is very worrying and a serious statment to make which makes us worry even more that you are not prepared to reach out IRL to get help. Again, look at the resources thinker22 has very kindly given you and MAKE THAT CALL. I am sure many of them are anonymous and will point you in the right direction.

It is time to do something about your situation.

Hey Paddy
Thanks so much for your message, its nice to know people actually care.

Oh, I am sorry, I didnt even think about triggering anyone, I am so sorry

I am sorry this statement worries you, but it is true, right now it seems hardly worth it. And I know everyone says to hold on cause it will get better, I really dont see that happening. I am not that strong of a person.
__________________
For the darkness and corruption leave a vestige of the thoughts that once I had, better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.
  #24  
Old Jul 16, 2009, 03:37 PM
Lise17's Avatar
Lise17 Lise17 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinker22 View Post
Why can't you see a dr. or nurse? Are you embarrassed, afraid your mom will find out, not insured?

None of those are good reasons to not get treatment. In fact, if you do get help at a local hospital or clinic or dr.'s office, you may be assigned a counselor by the state, with or without your mom's permission and get the meds and therapy you need.

Please don't neglect yourself. You may be mad at yourself right now, but you'll look back one day and be glad you reached out for help.

Stay in touch. Don't give up. I've felt like giving up, or what's the point or things will never get better, but those feelings pass when you have a good day. And you will have good days. The best days of my life have been since moving out from my parents' house. My childhood and adolescence were pretty bleak. I'm still reeling from those experiences, but I'm so glad I didn't give up when I was there. I've lived a full lifetime of varied and exciting experiences in these past 5 years of freedom. Now I'm free to deal with all this **** and get well. And you're so close to that time of your life. The best is yet to come (although getting well is a tough journey...it is worth it!)

I cannot see a doctor or nurse for a few reasons. My mom is a nurse and knows many doctors and nurses in hospitals, as well as for her job she travels to hospitals around the city. My mom wouldnt be able to handle another one of her daughters being like this. She wouldnt even listen if I told her, I have tried.

I am happy things have worked out for you, its great to see you have had exciting experiences and overcome your situation.
__________________
For the darkness and corruption leave a vestige of the thoughts that once I had, better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.
  #25  
Old Jul 16, 2009, 04:03 PM
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Lynnie B Lynnie B is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Preston, UK
Posts: 28
Hey Lise,
if you cut wont close it could get infected sweetie. Can you not go to a different hospital where your mum dosnt work, maybe take a friend with you. Its horrible to think you are alone through this..

Do you have a close friend who can help you??
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