[timftz]

hello

please pardon any spelling or grammar. it is late and i'm tired.

My wife called for help tonight and she was standing in the kitchen with a steakknife inched from her wrist. She aske me to take it from her. I did. I tried to get her to go to the hospital again to no avail. She told me to wait until her meds kicked in then she would fall asleep.

Things were going good. Even according to her. I can no longer handle this false sense of security theat things are getting better (she is getting treatment).

brief history

fall 03 ist baby born = post partum = many fights and her threatening divorce over seemingly minute things = marriage counseling = her realization of an anxiety and depression issue = group partial program = refer to outside shrink and therapist = bipolar dignosis = greater depression and feelings of being overwhelmed = "intrusive" thought re: me, the dog, the baby and herself = recommended med. leave of abscence from work (unpaid) = 5 day inpatient hospital stay = additional diagnosis of Borderline Pers Disorder refutted by outside doctor who thinks it rapid cycle bipolar = 3 outpatient DBT class (dialectical behavorial therapy) = wlaked out after 10 day becasue it wasn't "geared" towards her = first real day on her own with the baby (18mos) which is basically what she wanted.

I in the meantime have been taking care of the baby, housework, her, trying to keep up in a job that does't allow for too much of "this type of thing" as

[timftz]

well as taking on additional consulting jobs to get the mortgage paid - all at the same time as trying to be a supportive husband as I can.

So taoday was the first real day with the baby and she was tired but happy and excited when I got home. I though it was a good day. Then after he went down and we had dinner she took a bath and the next thing I know she's standing in the kitcken with nothing but a towle on her head with the steak knife.

I keep getting lulled into a false sense of hope/security only to have it dashed. I can't take it myself anymore. I need some help out side from the theapist I see. he seems more interested in my health (which is fine) instead of suggesting how I can help and dealwith this disease.

[Eva1nder]

Hi timftz

Welcome to psych central.

I see your situation and it seems very familiar to me although I was the one in your wife's situation.

It was very similar, but with differences I'm sure.

I had my son...born with a lot of problems, I went into a postpartum depression. Then into a major depression. I was mis diagnosed however for having bi polar and aggressively treated.

I had to give my mom my son for 2 years.

My husband basically took care of me for almost 3years. It took a major toll. I wanted to get better though. Truly.

I was committed 3x. Finally i was taken off a ton of meds ...and was correctly diagnosed w/bpd, which is similar to bipolar. and with severe major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder.

Basically it took a major toll on our marriage. We had to go through a lot of therapy.

I'm sure this is exhausting and very difficult for you. I know what it's like to be in your wifes shoes...and actually in yours. I'm not gonna go on though with this story.

I just wanted to say I understand some of what your going through. I really hope this site can be of some help to you.

The people here are very supportive and helpful.

Good luck and if I can help in anyway...I'd love to..it's great therapy for me.

Take care
Eva

[TgrsPurr]

Gosh timftz, my heart really goes out to you for what you must be going through mentally, emotionally and physically. I do understand that at times it must be completely overwhelming and at the same time, the future must seem very daunting. I see you doing the right thing by reaching out for help...help here, help through therapy (although you may need to switch therapists if this guy is truly not focusing on the real issues), and just as importantly, your wife needs counseling, very badly. I also believe she's needs inpatient hospitalization to get the bp undercontrol and to get proper meds at the proper dosage. I'm just coming through a particularly bad cycle myself and I needed meds this time, usually I don't. Your wife may not go willingly, there are actions you can take to have her committed without her permission. I know that sounds extreme, but it sounds to me like your in an extreme situation that needs immediate attention.

You are an outstanding husband to try to confront this issue rather than running from it or trying to sweep it under the rug. You've humbled yourself to ask for help and that is a HUGE step for the both of you.

I wish there were some magic thing I could say to make it all better. I wish there were something I could say to offer you some profound insight. But there isn't. I can offer you support and I can offer you empathy. I can offer my own personal experience being the one who's in your wife's shoes.

Please keep us posted.
TgrsPurr.

Wow! i'm so proud of you.....what a struggle you're going through and here you are reaching out for help....i'm really glad you came to the forums because there are tons of supportive people here who can help you.....my ex-husband told me, "it's all in your head"....so i'm very impressed that you're working so hard to care for your wife and baby.....BUT, you have to care for you...find another T if yours keeps focusing on your physical health....it's totally appropriate to "shop" for a therapist that "fits".......please continue posting here.......xoxo pat

[sqrlb8]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that underlying all of this turmoil is a deep and abiding love between the two of you. Can't account for your dedication any other way myself. So if that's the case, then like you are, I would do all I could to get to the next lucid patch. It's probably going to come down to how well you can keep reconnecting after the next storm passes. It's going to be a lifelong good news bad news situation though. But if you can connect honestly about it enough to be working toward the same life vision so to speak, it could be wonderful. So many of us have been really badly off and through fits and starts, and finally something makes the difference, and "a measure" of stability can be had. Love is the best thing to reach out with and the only thing that will sustain you through the black. Good luck and keep in touch, this might be a really good place for you to hang out.

once again, sqrl, you have posted such a clear and sensible answer.....you're one of the reason that this is a good place to "hang" out.....

[timftz]

Thank you all for your support, insight and advice. I was very lonely that night after she went to bed early and reading these posts today brings the realization I'm not. We're not.

I'll will be checking in often.

Very truly appreciative,
tim