[cocoa]

I am so dam sick of people rejecting me because of my illness!

Why can't thay just like me for me and stop and learn about the illness before they stop calling me. As if I am to dum to know why they don't call no more.

Bipolar sucks!!!

Jacqui

[TgrsPurr]

Gosh, I've totally been there before, and your right, it does suck. Fortunatly I found a way out of that place by putting in place a strategy that works for me. You must figure out what works specifically for you. What meds to take, the right support system...this is a good place to start with that, therapy always helps. I do know how frustrating it can be...feeling like you're some kind of leper to be avoided. Ppl can be very mean, but usually it's because they don't know how to handle it, they don't understand it. Perhaps you can change that, educate the ppl who are closest to you, if they are ppl that love you they will make an effort on your behalf. But you need to be patient with them...just as you are asking them to be patient with you.

I've never met you before so I don't really quite know how to respond to you in the most beneficial way. All I can really say to you is that from one bp to another, there is hope, things can work out for you and you don't have to be a victim of this illness. I hope you'll post more, I'll offer whatever I can to you. TgrsPurr.

[darkeyes]

Some people suck, they do not want to get educated about Bipolar, but yet aare able to make all remarks, or whatever they like to do.
It's that very kind of ignorance that stigmatizes Bipolar and other disorders.
There needs to be more public awareness, education on this more than ever, the population of those with many types of mental disorder is rising.
I feel for you, and relate to your frustration.
Please take care,
DE

[sqrlb8]

Indeed, inertia defines the willingness of the undiagnosed world to lift a finger as far as mental health awareness is concerned, and it's at the very core of what we subsequently experience as marginalization in so many ways. It's injustice in it's purest form to be sure.

It's no use kidding ourselves that things which clearly suck, do not suck. They suck. But then we're left with where to invest our precious energy units, on the sucking or on the coping. Coming here is a good example of coping. For myself, I'm down to one other person in the whole world outside of home who has anything to do with me, with the glaring exception of this place. In a short time, I feel related to whole lot of people. I hope it's like that for you too. It helps me a lot to have this much connection to the world. lol. tc.

[cocoa]

Thanks so much Tgrs, De and squrl

Everything you all said makes so much sence. I've just been fighting the ups and downs lately and I feel like im on a roller coaster. The past fue days i've been higher than normal and feeling great. Not to high, just to the point that I can think and function like normal or ever better.
Now today I've just been falling.Slowly falling into that sad dark hole we all dread. I am fighting off the tears and its at the point that I just want to pull the covers over my head and live in the dark for a week.
Here I have family coming over tomorrow and my husband has to call and cansel. I can't even pick up the phone. In one way im inbarest and enother way I'm sick and tired of having to call and cancel things at the last minute because I've lost control of my sick mind again. They now I have Bipolar but I'm usually so good at the faking it thing that when I do get real bad, who knows if they get it or not.
I'm sorry for rambling but I try real hard to be positive and live a normal life and just when I think I am, wham, It gets me just in time to remind me, hay, your sick remember, stop tring to pretend your not because the second you become yourself again , i'm coming to gecha!
I could just scream if I could stop cring long enough.

i'm so sorry that you're having so much sorrow right now concerning our illness. i'm like sqrl, i'm down to very few people that accept me for who i am not what i am. my world has become smaller and smaller over the years. BUT, as sqrl said, we relate to each other here and that is part of what keeps me going. i want my granddaughters to have an energetic and present grandmother for years and years. i don't want them to think of me as "the crazy grandmother" so, i'm going to hold on and pray that we all make it through this trial safely. i fell that we will make it.....xoxo pat

[cocoa]

Thanks so much Pat

Its funny real! I hardly ever reach out or ask for help or support.. I feel so good a lot lately these past 2 years, its as if I forget i'm ill.

Than I get that juilt of reality.

The one thing that helps me right now is knowing you all feel or have felt the way I do at some point. Not that I would wish this illness on any of you. What I mean is, even though I do have people in my life who know my illness and try and understand and help, knowone can truly understand it unless you live it as we do. I'm lucky to have you all!

Thanks everyone.
Jacqui

you've got that right...you never know a person until you've walked a mile in their moccasins...........

[TgrsPurr]

Hi Jacqui, I'm so happy you came back and posted some more. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. I can relate to so much of what you've said here and it reminds of how difficult those times are. I too, had to cancel out on so many things because I just couldn't pull myself together enough to face it. Yeah, there are times you can fake it if the cycle isn't too intense, but it's draining none-the-less. There have been times for me that I did stay under the covers for a week, peee yoooo, lol. Not pretty. I also understand that feeling of being on a rollercoaster, fortunately, mine has slowed down for the most part. I've been rather manic the last few days, gosh it feels so good, ya know? But then I have to remind myself...what goes up, must come down, so I'm taking precautions for that and preparing myself and my life for the inevitable...a soft place to fall, so to speak.

I would really like to hear more about your situation Jacqui, like, are you on meds? what type of bp do you have, I or II? How long have you been bp? Are you in therapy? I hope I'm not being too nosy, you are under no obligation to answer these questions, I would just like to be in a position to be here for you as best I can.

Don't feel bad about the cancellations, it happens, period. We've all been there. Even ppl who aren't bp cancel out on engagements once in a while. Right now you just need to be taking care of you. I also think it's wonderful that you have your husband there to support you and take care of things when you're unable to. I hope that he is understanding of what you're going through, or at the very least empathetic.
I'll be here for you if you need me. TgrsPurr.

[vacantangel]

Boy, can I ever relate to everything that y'all have said in each of your posts, the frustration, the cancellations, the faking it, the roller coaster ride, people walking out of your life due to the BP and the comfort we can find here because we can see that we're not alone in our plight. There are others here that go through the same thing every day that we each do. And one good thing about that is we can learn from each other on how to handle different aspects of the disorder or different situations we find ourselves in. And of course there is the wonderful support that is always offered as well.

TgrsPurr, may I ask you what you are doing to prepare for your inevitable fall? That's one area that I still have trouble with.

[TgrsPurr]

Well AG, first of all I always let the important ppl in my life know exactly where I'm at, even if it's embarrassing or deeply personal. There are a couple I trust implicately. I prepare myelf at work by getting ahead with my manic energy in case I need a mental health day off. I think of movies I might want to have around when I'm home and alone and need a reprieve from reality. I keep some comfort food in the house for when I'm needing a little treat to make myself feel better. Chocolate is always good. But I also have a potato fettish. Oh, and ice cream, Ben & Jerry's makes Chunky Monkey. My fav. If I'm so far gone that I can't even get out of the house to walk my dog, I have my neighbor take him for me, so I give him the heads up. I make sure I have everything I need at my apt. Tissues, my favorite lounge clothes clean and ready, cigarettes stocked up, my meds if need be, oh, and I alert my counselor in the program I'm involved in because I have a tendancy to completely isolate to a point that's very unhealthy...so my important ppl will reach out to me when I can't do it for myself. I also make sure my apt. is clean and tidy because clutter makes me worse. I clean the litter box in case it's a few days before I can do it. It's just all about the little things in my life that make a huge difference. Like if my cat was suffering because I needed a snow plow to clean it when the dark cloud lifted, I would feel unnecessary guilt and shame. It would be different for everyone based on your lifestyle and your depression. And while each experience has it's unique qualities that I can't anticpipate, some certainties I can. I've learned to use my manic energy in the constructive ways to keep my life on track as much as I can possibly do within my control. I always keep the attitude that I'm not a victim of my illness. In fact, I've shared with a good friend of mine how I kind of think of it as a dance. I flirt with the mania, we do a little dance that is exciting and fun, but at the appropriate time I bow out and tell it I've had a lovely time and I'll see you again before too long. It comes down to choices AG.

I hope this helps.
TgrsPurr.

[vacantangel]

TgrsPurr, thanks, I do much the same things but I'm just learning lately that stocking up on food ahead of time is a necessity because when I was in a recent bout of very deep depression where I couldn't even bring myself to go out the door, I had no food and literally didn't eat anything for a couple of days. That was not a good position to be in. So, now I'm hoping to keep enough food ahead of time so I don't have a repeat performance.

I guess I should've started another thread with my question as to not hi-jack this one. My apologies.

[sqrlb8]

AG, that is a perfect example of conciously reaching out to your weaker state from your stronger one. You should have a checklist of similar things to keep track of like that. Videos are one I try to keep on the list, so I can veg for days if I have to without having to go the video store. (might as well be on the moon, ya know.)

[vacantangel]

I think having a check-list is a very good idea, therefore insuring that when I'm not in the throws of deep depression I can properly prepare for the inevitability of it's approach, therefore not leaving me in a position of not being able to cope as well as I could've had I prepared ahead of time. Sheesh, I just realized that was one big run-along sentence. Anyway, thanks sqrl for your excellent suggestion.

Jacqui: i've done the same things that you've related. it probably had something to do with my husband wandering outside our marriage. it's funny how hindsight works, isn't it. i have certainly been unable to go to events and unable to return phone calls, etc. i'm so glad that your husband understands when you need more support than usual. i hope that in time, there will be a better understanding of where "we" come from. Jacqui, have you ever watched George Stephanopulus (NO clue on the spelling and i own it) on Sunday morning on ABC? a psych doc that i saw recently said he spoke at a convention that she went to and he suffers as we do.....Terry Bradshaw speaks out, as does the actor that plays "Sonny" on some soap opera. wooooooooohoooooooooo. Patti Davis also suffers....perhaps this is the decade where more will become educated and tend to look a little less askance when we can't handle what they can.......we can look forward to that together, okay??? xoxoxo pat

[vacantangel]

Just this past weekend, I e-mailed my family to tell them not to phone me and that I wouldn't be answering the phone should it ring due to my cycles. That doesn't happen a lot but they are finally understanding that I find it necessary to do this when the need arises. You're certainly not alone Jacqui.

[TgrsPurr]

And Cher, so is her sister and mother...and Linda Hamilton (Sarah Conner in Terminator movies). David Stickland of the show Suddenly Susan with Brooke Shields (he hung himself in a hotel room in Vegas a couple of years ago). And in my opinion I'm convinced Donald Trump is bp, but again, that's just an opinion, not fact. The teacher Mary Kay LaTourneau (sp?) who dated her student. The artist Vincent Van Gogh (sp?), he cut off his own ear.

Yes, I've researched this extensively.
TgrsPurr.

i died laughing over Donald Trump....not because it would be funny for him to be BP....you just can' say his name without me thinking about his hair..tacky? yes.......

[vacantangel]

I know what you mean. You would think with all his money he could do better than that.

[cocoa]

Hi again everyone

I've been reading everyones thoughts and it so good to have people to talk about this with. I'm having a very good day today. I hope its a sign of better days ahead. I guess sometimes thats all we can do is hope and wait for the good days to appear.

Jacqui :-))

[darkeyes]

Oh, his hairstyle is horrible, I agree with Angel, with all his money, he could do better than that doo I am sure, ha!ha!

[darkeyes]

I think he is too!

[vacantangel]

Congrats to feeling better cocoa. I think you're right, we always know that the cycle is going to swing in the other direction but sometimes it's hard to remember that when you're in the pit of despair. I think it is good to hear we're not alone in our plight. I'm glad you're doing better now. Enjoy every minute of it.

(((((((((((((( cocoa )))))))))))))))

[TgrsPurr]

Happy to hear of your good day. They are a blessing, enjoy it. Glad you find us helpful here. Keep posting. TgrsPurr.

[TgrsPurr]

I had no idea my post on Donald Trump would generate such a big response. I'm glad I brought it up then. Oh, and I agree to. No one in their right mind would continue to walk around and even go on national tv with that doo. He's got to have some insanity floating around in that brain of his somewhere, lol. TgrsPurr.