[thinker22]

I got a referral to the county mental health resources. There is a crisis clinic free of charge to anyone. There is a therapist available M-F 8-5. What I don't know is if they prescribe meds or just send you to the hospital.

I feel like I'm jumping out of my skin with energy today. I don't want to be sedated, but clearly something in my meds are out of whack. I'm not eating any differently. I'm not exercising more or less. I'm still not sleeping more than 5.5 hours a night (except for that one time before I crashed on Sunday).

What do you guys think I should do?

[BNLsMOM]

You have been in distress. I would take advantage of the services. Maybe they can work on your meds and get you closer to stable.

[thinker22]

Bummer. I talked to them and they don't deal with meds. They suggested I go to the ER to "talk" with the mental health people about my meds. Riiiiiggghhht. Just a little talk. Last time I heard that was before the cops cuffed me in my own home and hauled me away. And I wasn't even acting weird. Just calmly talking to them. Grrr.

[thinker22]

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, fun fun fun, fun fun!

I talked to the ER peeps on the phone and they said see if I could sleep tonight taking 2 temazepams. If I'm still jumping out of my skin I can call tomorrow and see if a p-doc will see me without an admission.

Don't want this feeling to stop. I think I could climb the tallest building, but why would I want to do that? Weirdness. (that's the hospital people trying to chase me).

Not be negative though I'm good at it.

But I couldn't sleep for 4 days - I knew it was my med.s
I went to ER they strapped me down on put me on the pshyc ward.

Got correct medication - but facility was NOT helpful, unstructured

[thinker22]

That blows. The staff at this hospital seems to be nice. They didn't try to talk me into coming since I didn't want to go inpatient and am not suicidal. The nurse talked to me for 20 minutes on the phone. I can even show up and just talk about my meds to a psychiatrist on call and see if they can change the dosage or add something without admitting me.

The pysch wards and mental hospitals have new rules about restraint...about how long they're allowed to do that depending on your age and that they can't use it as punishment or a preventative measure unless you've expressed that you want to harm yourself at the moment. It's very recent so probably not implemented when you were there last (if you've not already read about it, soz if you have). And sorry they did that to you.

I've been up with little sleep for 12 days. I feel the best of all today. Will update manana.

[paddym22]

GO my friend, to both services, it will do you the world of good. And make sure you tell them about the seroquel and coming off it by yourself. YOU NEED THIS.

[amaviena]

Go, my D-bee <3 You need somewhere sa fe that can help. And you may be able to apply fo state insurance to make it free before you even leave. ask.

[bridgie]

I hate to admit it too but if its free service why not and if the er pdoc will see you without admittance you shld go to. This comeing from someone that doesn't want to accept or admit there is a problem. Go figure. I hope they bring you some reief.

[thinker22]

Hi guys. I still feel great today. I got about 6.5 hours of sleep on the 2 temazepam, mostly uninterrupted. I don't know what I'll feel like later today, but I sense more bounciness because my brain chemicals are still lit up.

Maybe this isn't an episode at all. Maybe this is how normal people feel and I've just been depressed for so long that I can't remember. If Lamictal is doing anything it's keeping me hypomanic if that's what this is. All I know is at least I'm not sick on Seroquel.

Cupcake anyone?

[thinker22]

Okay guys, I realize how tired my body and eyes are, but my brain won't shut TF up. As I mentioned elsewhere, I got it into my head that I needed to balance all of my checkbooks. Well, I did that for like 6-7 hours today (starting with 2004 and getting up to Jan '07), only taking a break to go to vision therapy. I was so spacey there that they asked about my not sleeping and what medications I was on. I felt vulnerable and told them I was bipolar and had come off of Seroquel and hadn't slept well in 13 days. The opto doc surprisingly knew about psychotropic medications and mentioned to my teacher that my eyes would have difficulty focusing. Um, yeah! I thought it was just because I was tired, but these meds mess with your eyes as well.

I really shouldn't be driving. I just gaze and gaze and don't feel like I'm really there at all. But I keep checking all the crosswalks for people because I know I have to be extra careful. Still, I kept expecting to get pulled over on the way home from VT and I was kind of relieved about the thought of going to the hospital. I'm just so tired, I'm close to giving up on fighting this thing. Not that I'm suicidal, I just need to sleep!! But I'm going to try yet again to get a night of sleep on the temazepam. If I have another bad night I need to call the doc who prescribed it and tell her even the higher dose is not working. (send in the guy with the elephant tranq already)

Sigh. If I were an object right now...i would be a cup of coffee on a table as an L-train goes by...rattle, raattttllle

[thinker22]

I feel like such a ****head right now. I'm going to take a walk around the block...or farther.

[BNLsMOM]

I am sorry you are feeling so unwell. I hope you can get some rest soon. It is awful to not sleep.

[thinker22]

Me too. Thanks. I am allowed to take 1-3 amitriptyline (10mg) or 1 temazepam (15mg) and 1 amitrip. I think I'm going to try 2 amitrip tonight to see if I can get to sleep.

I wandered for miles. We live in a wooded area and I wound up in the park, called my partner and he met me for dinner. It was good. I drank some fruity rum thing, but it was way too sweet for my palate, so I only had a third of it. This was after drinking half a beer before I left the apartment to take the walk. I'm all yawny and need to start my nightly routine. I'm glad I took the walk instead of going to the hospital. Now that my mind's free from Seroquel, my senses are heightened and it's just good to be able to smell and breathe and feel the breeze and listen to laughter. Life's not perfect, but I feel okay right now.

Just need sleep and I think I'll be fine. Thanks again.

[amaviena]

I'm glad you got sleep. I think the lamictal is working too well. But I've had it and its ucky metal taste so I'm biased. I'm no professional, but sounds like you're having some mania/mixed issues. Those sleeping pills may be bringing you down enough to sleep, but they aren't a mood stabilizer. lithium? depakote? bueller? are you bpII? I forget.

[thinker22]

Hi Ama. The problem is/was the p-nurse (and I) didn't know I was bipolar when she started seeing me last summer. She prescribed a ton of antidepressants and all of them failed for making me feel worse or doing nothing, except for Wellbutrin. Was still depressed, however, the WB just kept me from sleeping all day most days. When I took it at a higher dose, however, it made me anxious, so she added Lorazepam and I went down in dose on WB. That was good for a few months in winter. Then she switched me from LZ to Seroquel. At first SQ was good, then it built up in my system and made me feel weak and tired all the time. So she added Effexor. That made me shaky and neurotic, so she took me off it and this was about the time we figured out I was bipolar (late May). Got dx'd in June. Then she ordered Lamictal. So, my mood wasn't stable when it was added on July 5th. Since I felt so terrible for the 3 weeks before I fired her, she suggested adding Lithium, and I told her I'd heard bad things about it like weight gain, hair loss, feeling drugged all day, etc.

Anyways, I'm now 10 days away from being able to see my first p-doc. The old p-nurse did mail her my records so hopefully she'll have a plan before I get there. I'm kind of worried what she will try at this point, but my mood is definitely not stable and I still can't sleep more than 6 hours and I wake up most mornings at 5 something. I used to wake up at 8 or 9. I like having more energy, but I don't like how exhausted my eyes and body are.

According to the mood tracker here, I've been in a state of mania (except for last Sunday night...which was either mixed or I was just plain depressed) since July 31st. The only dangerous behaviors I exhibit (or have in the past) is feeling invincible when I'm driving. Which yes, is very bad. In the past I drank too much and blacked out. I also did have about a year of hypersexuality as well...not sure if that's related to bipolar or not. Before and after that reckless behavior I was either asexual or completely devoted to just one person and didn't want to be with anyone else.

The nurse thought I was bipolar ii because she'd never seen me manic or even hypomanic, which is why she thought Lamictal was the best and only thing I needed. Funny, but as soon as I quit her and went off of Seroquel (low dose for sleep) is when this sleepless/hyper and sometimes irritable period came on. I'm in touch with my therapist though, so he knows about this episode and he's the one who pointed out some of my insomnia periods in the past were probably irritable mania. I had a manic/psychotic reaction to Paxil, which is apparently classic when I was 20. I drove across the country and back at age 23 in about a week. (seriously, LA to Boston with only 2 overnight stops, one near Chicago at my old college).

So, I am bipolar i and I'm not stabilized. I'm more than a little concerned that I am waking so early and going to sleep so late...and I want to travel... and if I start to walk, I just keep going and going, my body feeling detached from my head. I got about 5hrs 45mins last night on 2 Amitriptylines.

Sorry for rambling. I'll go read everyone else now.

[amaviena]

Just saying that its an antidepressant, which also brings things up, and may be making you worse even if allowing you to sleep for 6 hours. Pay close attention to your irritability.

[thinker22]

Okay, I will.

[leahcim]

Just to answer your original question...I can only speak to that from what I have experienced in California. I went to the "free clinic" here several years ago with severe depression and bi-polar issues.

It was worth it and I felt that although many of the therapists there were in college and studying to get into a graduate school to become pdocs, they were very knowledgable and there was a certified pdoc. overseeing the center.

The group sessions were not very helpful but they did allow for about 2 one-on-one sessions a month. If it's available you should take advantage for as long as possible and as long as you feel it is helpful.

Take care!

[thinker22]

It's only open M-F, but if I need it on any of those days I'll drop in.

As for now, I just have to make it through another day, another week and then I'm practically to my p-doc appt. I'm on the waiting list in case something comes up sooner.

Something is really not working with my meds. Sorry I keep repeating myself. I'm exhausted but can't sleep. I just tried to take a nap and everytime I closed my eyes my mind felt blank and detached from my body. It was like my body was a piece of meat and the brain was trying to leave it, but I was observing them both. I wonder if that's how death feels. Needless to say, I tried for half an hour, but couldn't fall asleep.

AHHHHHHHHH! I'm not a danger to myself but I keep wondering if I can go to the ER, talk to a doc and get my meds adjusted or if they'll just turn me away and say, come back when you're more crazy and/or suicidal.

[thinker22]

Update: MD called me back and said tonight to try 2 Temazepam and 1 Lorazepam at the same time with some hot tea. She says if that doesn't work I do need to get an emergency appt with a p-doc. I realize I probably should have had one a week ago. I'm just too broke and scared to go to the hospital.

So yet again, I'll let you know how it works. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Going to try to nap a little while. to everyone.

[bridgie]

Ah sleep. I dnt function well without 8-10 hrs. I get very irritable with less and that's when the switch happens. But I've only been getting a few for awhile. That's how I know I'm up. I dnt like it. I love my sleep too.

[thinker22]

Yeah, my body's always preferred 9-10 as well. I can function on 8 though. I feel like **** on anything less. I think I need more because I process more each day. My senses take in more and I feel more acute pain and my body tenses up. Not sure.

[thinker22]

Update. I got 9 hours last night! Nothing like 2 temazepam, 1 lorazepam, and a hot cup of chamomile to knock you out. And I didn't wake up feeling groggy, great. Oddly, though, I'm two pounds heavier this morning. Can't figure that one out.

So I think maybe with this cocktail I'll be able to make it to my p-doc appt.

[BNLsMOM]

Isn't sleep wonderful? I am so happy you got some. Soon. You'll make it. We'll make it. Hopefully we will find relief soon and begin to live properly, or at least comfortably.