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Old Nov 19, 2009, 01:52 AM
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perpetuallysad perpetuallysad is offline
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Location: Mississippi
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I've been in a manic mixed episode for nearly three months now. I have no fewer than 10 huge art projects going on around my house right now, not to mention the compulsive organizing that I go through when I am freaking out like this. I'm tired of this. I enjoy the energy, but I wish I could focus for more than say, 8 minutes at a time.

I've been on and off 2 different meds over these past 3 months trying to find something to bring me down closer to "normal" (at least for what I imagine normal might be, I'm pretty sure I've never been really normal)

Just spouting off...thanks for reading if you did.

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  #2  
Old Nov 19, 2009, 02:32 AM
Anonymous45023
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Of course I read it! 8 whole minutes, huh? Hear you on the compulsive organizing. Things tend to build up, then wham, must clear out! Must clear out! It's like trying to get control in something, you know? 10 art projects? That's cool though!
Sorry it's going on so long for you. The lack of focus is darn annoying. Even with the energy, it can be emotionally exhausting sometimes. I've been flippin' vibrating for two days now and I'm tired of it already(!)
Hope you can get some meds working for you soon!
Thanks for this!
perpetuallysad
  #3  
Old Nov 19, 2009, 06:02 AM
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phoenix47baby phoenix47baby is offline
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Yes, eight minutes is not enough time for focusing. I certainly hope your doc finds a decent med for you.
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Phoenix47
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perpetuallysad
  #4  
Old Nov 19, 2009, 06:38 AM
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tunesinger tunesinger is offline
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Location: Pensacola, FL
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3 months is an insane (sorry for the pun) amount of time to be manic. I can sure relate to the 8 minutes and 10 projects tho. I'm an ultra rapid cycler so I usually just organize things and put everything from one place to another then the depression hits and it stays there until the next cycle hits, but I have about 10 cycles a year, so you must be exhausted!

If you've been fully manic, not hypo manic for that long, either your Dr. doesn't grasp what you are going through, because without enough sleep you will go psychotic, anyone will, so either the Doc finds the right mood stabalizer or you made need to check in for a short stay in the hospital to get them to SEE what's going on with you.

Sometimes Mania is the hardest thing to describe because it doesn't SOUND like there's all that much suffering. However, the irritablity, the forgetfullness (even to take meds when we need them) the inability to sleep, and the ever present danger of losing touch with reality. ITs kind of like turning your car on and just reaving the engine. ITS really bad for the car. Remember that everything gets reaved, even your sex drive so be careful and watch your impulsive behavior so you'll be safe. It's not your fault, but the consequences will still be with you when you come back to earth.. Good luck, and hope you get some relief soon. Obviously since I'm writing this at 5:33 in the morning and haven't been to bed yet, I know from which I speak. but at least I'm safely at a computer in my own home! Please take care, and be insistent with the Dr.
Tunesinger
Thanks for this!
perpetuallysad
  #5  
Old Nov 19, 2009, 07:47 AM
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perpetuallysad perpetuallysad is offline
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Location: Mississippi
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Thanks for reading all. I have a pdoc appointment on Friday. I think maybe I go from manic to hypermanic with a constant depressive state present. I can go anywhere from a few hours of sleep till about 5. Thankfully I have xanax which does slow me down enough to at least lie (lay--which one???????) down for a while each day.

As far as the hospital goes, I really don't have that option. We have no charity hospitals around here and I have no insurance...
  #6  
Old Nov 19, 2009, 01:05 PM
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Pamela Choi Pamela Choi is offline
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Location: Minnesota
Posts: 144
I completely understand, I too am the exact same way. I am constantly orgranizing, cleaning, awshing clothes, cooking, looking for a job, online chatting here, rewiring the house. the list goes on and on. It like there is not stop. I usally am having mix mania's which consisted of euphoria, anger and agression, panic attacks, paranoia, and small part of it consistes of depression.
I am also out of insurance due to my employment sitution. Hang in there, i know its a lvoe hate relationship with yourself.
Pam
__________________
Sometimes I am high and sometimes I am low.
Everyone around me but I am always alone.

Hour by hour and week by week,
I deal with myself and I never feel complete.

I want to be normal; I want to be sane,
No matter what I do, I always feel the pain.

“Stop the mania and fight back,
It’s all in your head”
I wish I could do it; I would rather go to bed.

Sometimes I am high and sometimes I am low,
I wish they could see me, so I won’t be alone.

By Pam
Thanks for this!
perpetuallysad
  #7  
Old Nov 19, 2009, 06:48 PM
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Amazonmom Amazonmom is offline
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You sound more hypomanic than fully manic...you have good insight about what is going on with you, and you are taking steps to stop it. Go into that pdoc session and make it clear that your first priority is to control this episode, and don't let the doc change the subject until they help you

I know you probably have told PC this already, but which mood stabilizers are you on already?
__________________
"Unipolar is boring! Go Bipolar!"

Amazonmom is not putting up with bad behavior any more.
Thanks for this!
perpetuallysad
  #8  
Old Nov 19, 2009, 08:34 PM
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perpetuallysad perpetuallysad is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Mississippi
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I take Wellbutrin sr 200 mg 2x a day, xanax .5 mg 3x a day, and Invega 3 mg once a day.
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