[perpetuallysad]

Ok, so I have an 8 year old son who's dad is a piece of poo. Truth be told, I got pregnant with him during a particularly bad manic episode, so my judgment on picking a father wasn't so hot. Anyhow, fast forward to now, I am married to a wonderful guy whom my son calls daddy. He rarely, like maybe once a year, sees his biological father. My husband has a decent job, but insurance is quite expensive (almost $600 a month for the "family" plan), so my son is on Medicaid. Because his father doesn't help support him, he qualifies for this service. Sorry this is taking so long. Anyway, for several years I have noticed the forms say that if you aren't receiving child support, DHS will pursuit the father for money...blah, blah...his bio father sucks and has never given us any money. So, I get this letter last month saying they want an interview with me to find out information about his dad to pursuit him for support. Unfortunately, one of my phobias is checking the mail (I know its stupid, but I cannot help it), so I didn't get the letter anytime before the actual appointment. So I didn't really do anything about it. (Yes, I know this is bad too, but if you've read anything about me, you know I avoid people at all costs.) Today I get another letter saying I have a new appointment on Thursday. Well, of course, I am totally panicking. WHAT? I have to go talk to a person? Someone who is going to scrutinize me? I'm barely breathing here. I realize I threw away all of the paperwork when I thought I had missed the chance to go to the appointment, so I don't know what I need to take up there or anything. But the letter very specifically says if I don't show up, they will take my son off of Medicaid (which would suck, because then he would have no insurance!). So, I gather significant courage and while my chest tightens to the point I can barely breathe I call the lady on the letter. She treated me like absolute ****. I asked what I needed to bring and she yelled at me because I didn't have the letter. I asked where the office is, and she's like "the food stamp office"...I tell her I have no idea where that is and she yells again, "yes you do, how did you get referred if you AIN'T on food stamps?" I am seriously barely able to talk, my face is beet red, I cannot breathe, I am literally gasping for breath and this woman is yelling at me. I finally got it out that I was referred because of Medicaid and she very grudgingly told me that they were located behind the health department. (Horray, I know where that is.) So I ask her again what do I need to bring and she basically just told me I needed to find my letter. I told her I don't have the letter and she said bring vital info and divorce papers (don't have those because we weren't married). Anyway, I am still on the verge of passing out here for not being able to catch my breath. I am nervous and shaky and just feeling horrible. Oh my god, this is the EXACT reason I hate talking to people. Why did she react like that? I was very polite and courteous. Now I have to dread going up there in 2 days. And let me tell you, that's plenty of time for me to get myself in hospital freaking out shape. AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I cannot even hardly feel my hands they are all tingly and I keep having to delete and try to type again. Why are people so mean?

[Amazonmom]

The person on the phone is an idiot. They get tired of answering questions all day and take it out on you, which is not okay!!!!

Go to the appointment, even if you don't have any paperwork to bring them. You will probably need proof of paternity to start the legal paperwork needed to go after sperm donor for the support. Bring anything you currently have, like a birth certificate for your son.

I know this is so nerve wracking. I have the same problem with the mail you do...I get too afraid of what's in it to actually open it! What helps is realizing that the monster you don't know is worse than the monster you do know. If you open the mail it becomes the monster you know.

You can do this! If you have to message us PC folk 100 times a day until the appointment, that is OKAY.

[Navygrrl]

I've had to deal with the Medicaid people because my first husband and I didn't make enough money for health insurance, and that first appointment with them was so daunting. I felt shamed that I had to go there, although I know now that was silly. A lot of the people working there are so jaded that it feels to me when they are talking to me that they are just assuming that I'm trying to scam something, or that I am a worthless piece of gunk on the bottom of their shoes. If you have someone you feel safe with who can go with you, take them! And like AmazonMom said, take everything you have on your son. If you have his social security card, make sure to take that as well, because even though you showed it to get him on Medicaid, apparently they need to see it every single time.

You can do this, and we're here whenever you need us.

[BNLsMOM]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Give yourself credit for facing two fears in a row. The mail and the phone.

When you go on Thursday, just be yourself, be honest.

If it helps, I totally understand your fear. I have the same fears.

[perpetuallysad]

Thanks so much gals, I feel better knowing that some people are out there supporting me. And you describe my fear about the mail so accurately Amazonmom. I don't know what it is that I am theoretically afraid of, but the phone and the mail both terrify me.

My husband offered to go to the appointment with me, so I guess I'll take him up on that. I am too scared to go alone.

[spiritual_emergency]

If I'm feeling anxious about something like an appointment I find it helpful to gather information so I can prepare for it. Here's a link to the Mississippi Medicaid website.

This appears to be the link that is most relevant to your personal situation: Children's Health Insurance Program

If you review the information at the site before you go you might have a better idea of what to expect and this might help minimize your anxiety. Feel free to print pages off, go over them with your husband, highlight relevant points and bring the pages with you to the appointment.

By the way, I agree that the woman who took your call was exceptionally rude.

perpetuallysad! Though I don't have mail phobia, I completely identify with the phone phobia, and especially for that sort of call. Agreed with everyone else that the woman you dealt with was rude and though it is probably because she is jaded, that is really no excuse. The others have offered good advice in bringing what you can. I tend to get VERY worked up about what I don't know/have lost/don't understand, so you've got my complete empathy on that...
Just wanted to let you know that we are here for you...

[lonegael]

There are some pepole in social services that i have met who, for what ever reason, thrive off of the tiny bit of power they feel they have over people's lives. Sadly, many of them aren't really there because they have ever really burned for that type of work. Sure, some people do try to scamm them, but by and large it's just that many burocrats can't handle being burned (yep, been there myself on the soc. side) and try to regain their self respect by trying to make others crawl. Not OK. Great that your hubby is going with you! Huggs. Just be yourself like BNlsMOM says. Most of the time if you are just calm and don't let yourself get baited, it works out. Really.

[Navygrrl]

My sister-in-law works for CPS or whatever they call it where she is, and she just LOVES her power in being able to take children away. Plus, she loves to tell us all about it on family occasions, like Thanksgiving. Ugh.

Perpetuallysad, you will be able to do!

[Merlin]

That bugs me. I plan to work in social services and I would never lord my power over anyone. As for CPS (or equivalent), removing a child from a home is traumatic for all involved (especially the kids) it should only be done when absolutely necessary and shouldn't be seen as something to celebrate.

[perpetuallysad]

I'm so nervous I woke up a million times last night and finally just got up and wrapped Christmas presents to try to distract myself. I hate that I am so scared in situations like this. As I know my pdoc would point out, its because my mother was extremely harsh and judgmental of my every move, so I have translated that fear onto any situation where I don't feel in control.

Logically, I know there is really nothing harmful this woman can do to me, but my illogical, anxiety prone self is totally not listening to logic. I just don't deal well with people in general, but the idea of someone being mean to me or humiliating me just terrifies me. Sadly, my mom used to do just that, go from being physically abusive, to humiliating me in public on a near daily basis. Isn't it ridiculous that I'm 33 years old and I'm still completely terrified of my mother? I don't even have contact with her anymore, but she's like this little nagging voice always talking over my shoulder. ****, I'm freaking nuts. I'm so stressed right now my head feels like its going to break open it hurts so badly; my shoulders are pulled up to my ears from the tension. I just bit my poor husband's head off for absolutely no reason.

Luckily, I am not in a situation where I am at risk of losing my child. I, despite my illness, have done every thing in my power since he was born to make his life happy and balanced. He is well provided for; unfortunately, medical insurance is extremely unaffordable. He's not a sickly child, but I hate the thought of him not having a safety net of insurance protection, just in case.

And the idea of them even being able to get a dollar from my son's bio dad is hilarious. He'll just quit his job. In my son's whole life I cannot say his dad has even given me $1000 bucks.

[1963.Susan]

i can totally relate to the mother influence....... TOTALLY. i'm glad you found something to do that was productive & helped take your mind off things.
i'm sure it is nerve-wracking at the prospect of losing your son's medical insurance, but i hope it won't happen that way.
((((((((((((((((perpetuallysad)))))))))))))))))))))

[perpetuallysad]

Thanks all. I made it! I went to the appointment and didn't have a heart attack or anything!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea me!

[leah0306]

Oh God, reading your post is like reading something i wrote myself!!I dont understand why the grouchiest a$#es get telephone jobs. I too have panic attacks just thinking i need to make a call. so your not alone, im trying to get disability for lupus,bp,anxiety... and they(you know, the people on the phone) act as if im calling to ask for a kidney. So sorry it went that way, but dont be too offended- they treat me that way too-and then when i actually get someone polite-well im like "yes ma'am yes ma'am and totally upbeat about the whole thing, good luck with it all...

[Navygrrl]

Yay! I'm glad you made it through okay!!!!