Finally told him

Last night I finally told my H that I have been having SU thoughts after a year of being ok. I have been having this thoughts for several weeks and didn't want to tell him because he would worry too much. Last night I decided it was time to tell him because this is getting out of control

He took it better than I thought he would and he's being very supportive. He helped me find out what could the reasons be for this problem and we planned a course of action. Also a good thing is that tomorrow I'll see my pdoc and will ask her what to do about the thoughts.

Thanks for reading this... just wanted to say that sometimes we have to do things we don't want to because it is for our own good.... still I feel like ***** today

I am glad it went well for you and that you have his support. Support is so important. Be safe, OK?

(((cat eyes))) - good decision about telling your husband and glad he was understanding. Sorry you're feel sad today. Sending hugs your way.

Yes, support is essential to have recovery. I'm safe... I have these obsessive thoughts, but don't plan to do anything. Just want them out of my head!

Thanks for your hugs and hugs back to you ... I think I feel sad because I told my husband and now the thoughts have become something more real... don't know.

If I did the right thing, why do I feel so down??

Because you feel like you have let him down in some fashion.

Or at least that's how I feel when I wait too long to tell my husband. And then he always makes me feel worse for telling me that I should have said something sooner, while we're on our way to the hospital.

It will be ok.

When I have something that is really important and I hold it inside, hold it and hold it, then when I finally let it out...I'm drained. Emotionally and sometimes physically drained. Just an emotional melt down.

Holding so hard onto things takes energy, letting them go releases energy and that feeling can be be deceptively like feeling bad. But it's not, imo.

I'm glad you told your H. I know that was difficult for you to do, CatEyes. But you did and this is good.

I'm thinking of you. You can talk to me anytime, you know that, right?

and more hugs

Cat

I am so relieved you told him finally. I knew something has been eating at you for weeks because you lost that sparkle of late. BUt now you should consider yourself in a safer place. Your H is a good man and he is strong, he has stood by you through worse things than this so do not fear., and I am so glad you are going to see your P Doc on saturday at least she may adjust the meds becasue you have been through quite a lot of changes there as well. Please dont forget to Yahoo me anytime, I am always here for you, always have been and always will be, you are my good friend.

Paddy

You have the strength to get through this - you opened up to your H and now you're taking it to your pdoc. And like you said it makes it all real to you now - so it's natural to have it bring you down. But you'll do okay - you have the strength to get through this - you sound like a fighter, someone who won't give up. You should try to feel good about the fact that you were able to talk to your H about this, and your pdoc. {{{cat eyes}}} Big hug

QueenAccountant I'm so sorry your husband makes you feel that way when this kind of things happen. It should be easier for us to communicate when we don't feel ok. I hope we can learn this soon and don't have to go through this extra tough times

Thanks notz for your words of wisdom. I think that is exactly the reason why I felt so down after I told H my thoughts. Fortunately now I feel better and now there's an open door to tell my H my not-ok feelings. I hope I can talk to you soon, I miss our conversations
Hugs back to you

Yes, I feel in a safer place now, Paddy. I saw my pdoc on Sat. and she adjusted my meds and hopefully these annoying thoughts will be gone soon. She was very nice to me and that makes me feel better too. I will look after you in Yahoo when it's daytime for you... right now you must be completely asleep ... Thank you for being my friend... you are too my good friend and I'm happy that I know you

You're right BashfullOne, I now feel good that I was able to talk to my H about my thoughts. This really has made me have less stress because I am not pretending everything is ok when it isn't. Thanks for telling me I am a fighter... I try to be one although sometimes things seem bigger than me. Hopefully these changes will stop the nasty thoughts and I will be able to control them. A Big Hug to you too:

Thank you all for your kind responses. I feel a lot of support from all of you. . On Saturday I went to see my pdoc and she told me that many bipolars have a manic or depressive episode when Spring approaches and that is what is happening to me... I am having a depressive episode and we just have to adjust my meds and do some changes in the way I am handling things. The good part is that even though I am having the SU thoughts, I haven't lost perspective and know they are irrational thoughts and I wont follow them. The one thing I have to learn is not to let them put me in such an anxious, depressed state.

Hugs to you all

- Cat