[RRU96]

I dont know if I did something wrong, but maybe someone will authorize this to go through.

I am a 31 year old married man. Have numerous issues going on, and I am trying my best right now to see if there is some way that I can get medical coverage. My best hope is through the VA, but I am unsure if there are certain problems. Some out there may say simple go to a free clinic, (which costs $25)... but that is still alot of money in my case.

Growing up I dealt with sex abuse from my father directed at my sister. I was in the same room when the abuse mainly took place. Doc said it is still abuse... even though I witnessed it or was aware of it in some manner. Because of this, it has led to other type of abuse not involving my father. This went on for years, and eventually, led to my father going to prison. He stayed in a military brig for years (throughout my high school years) and eventually got out. My mother took him right back and my family appears to have forgotten everything that took place. Because of the stress my fathers Courts Martial caused on the family, it tripped a predisposition to Schizophrenia for which he is being treated fairly successfully. My sister has had 2 failed marriages, and is dating again. This shows that it has obviously affected everyone. My mother taking him back bothers me somewhat, but I understand that it isnt my life and I dont live there.

I joined the United States Army a few years later, and that didnt fair to well. As my regular life involved finding new employment every 2 months or so, my Army life was a little more. Leaving the Army isnt as simple as you might expect. I had numerous (4) Article 15's which are disciplinary reports. Suicidal Ideation is something I dealt with a few times, and because of such, self-admitted myself to an inpatient psych ward. On the ward, I was diagnosed as such:
Axis I: Adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct, resolved
Axis II: (Deferred in Oct 98) other page states No Diagnosis Dec 98
Axis III: History of chronic left wrist pain.

I eventually was discharged from the military, went through numerous more jobs, and eventually found love. I met my wife online and have been married for 10 years this December. She knows what has happened in my past, and still loves me. Something I hold dear to me. She has her own issues and constantly faces her battle with Multiple Sclerosis. This has gotten to the point that I have had to leave my job in order to become a full-time caregiver for her. I do this with love, but over time, it has undoubtedly caused some things to show in my own life. I have been through times of cutting, and have faced numerous amounts of jobs because of depression. My wife and I finally decided to get help for me at the Mental Health clinic in our area. After being seen and telling my story again, I was tried on numerous medications. We finally ended up on a combination of Prozac, Depakote, and Geodon. This worked wonders.... at least until I ran out of health insurance. I was no longer able to afford to be seen, and I also found out that the coverage I THOUGHT I had, didn't fully cover my mental health care. Of course this just adding to the stress.
So I have tried to do the best I can, and my wife has done her best. Unfortunatly, some things cannot be dealt with on your own. I am currently manic and have been for about 4 or 5 days. Lets just say my front porch and yard have never looked cleaner!

My problem is, while my mania is currently very tolerable, I know there is a chance it could become worse (though it never has). I also know that when my depressive episodes hit, my wife struggles to bring me out. Something that she cant deal with on her own because of the MS.

I need help, but currently have no way to pay for it. Because my wife needs me as a caregiver, I do not bring any money into the house. She currently receives a SSI check for less than $600 a month. Really not enough to live on, let alone take care of me with. She is on medicaid so her coverage is fine. I simply don't know what to do.

What I am wondering is if there was some way to determine if the military misdiagnosed me, did not try hard enough to diagnose me, or if I am just screwed. I have my DD214 and discharge paperwork, and currently am in the process of getting my mental health records from the Army and my local mental health clinic.

Is it to far fetched to believe that the misconduct I exhibited in the military may have stemmed from an undiagnosed mental issue (besides the adjustment disorder they say was resolved).

Personal research in this:
Deferred on my Axis II listing does not have a diagnosis code of 799.9. I am unsure if they simply just wrote deferred because they didnt even TRY to determine if there were Axis II issues, or if there was something there and they didnt know what it was yet. If it was because something was there and they didnt know what it was, is a 2 month time frame long enough to go from Deferred to No Diagnosis. For that matter, does "No Diagnosis" even mean something was there.

Adjustment disorder from my understanding of the DSM-IV has to take place from 3-6 months after the initual stressor. Does this Axis I diagnosis assume safely that they are saying the military caused my adjustment disorder, and they simply overlooked or didnt look at my personal childhood history.

I cannot for the life of me remember if I truly opened up to any medical staff while I was on the ward. I did open somewhat to my XO, but she would not have been liable to record what she heard. If someone else was in the room with me when I explained the abuse from my father, would they be mandated to put this down in my permanent records? If it was noted in my medical records that I experienced such abuse, (witnessing abuse of my sister while in the same room) shouldnt there be further treatment and wouldnt my actions while in the military be somewhat explained?

I currently am awaiting mental health records so I cannot give any specifics as to what is in them. I want to say that I may have seen PTSD mentioned at one point, but I am unsure.

Any.... ideas... suggestions... help....
Thanks for your time

[Fox]

Welcome to PC. Sorry with my own issues I can't read all of this but I do know others will and hopefully they'll have some positive advice for you .

Your first few posts will be moderated as you probably read in the agreement when you made your account But once you reach the min. requirement you'll be free to post without being approved first.

[jexa]

Hi RRU. So sorry you are struggling right now. If you have manic and depressive episodes like this, I am wondering why the Axis I disorder was not bipolar disorder. When a mental health professional diagnoses an Adjustment Disorder, they are saying that you do not meet criteria for another mental health diagnosis, and that your current difficulties are due to a life stressor. It sounds like some of your symptoms may not easily have been accounted for by an adjustment disorder. I am not a mental health professional, but perhaps you were misdiagnosed? Deferring a personality disorder diagnosis is pretty standard when they think it's possible you might have one. Psychologists can't diagnose a personality disorder the first time they meet you. If they changed it to no diagnosis in 2 months that means they didn't see signs of a personality disorder in you over the two months you were under their care. This doesn't raise a red flag to me.

It also doesn't completely raise a red flag that someone knew about your experience of prior abuse and didn't follow up. Although it is terrible and a horror to have gone through, and a therapist would want to hear more about it, someone in a hospital who only cared about your dx might not have worried too much about it if you didn't seem to be experiencing symptoms of PTSD.

What does raise a red flag is that you are suffering from recurrent manic and depressive episodes, and there is no accounting for this in the diagnosis you were given. Were you suffering from these prior to your military placement? What do your current doctors say your diagnosis is? If it is bipolar disorder, I don't know the process, but could you appeal their decision?

I don't know about PTSD. Going through what you went through sounds like a significant life stressor and something that can lead to further difficulties and possibly PTSD, but not necessarily. PTSD involves a range of symptoms that usually include re-experiencing the trauma (like having flashbacks or intrusive thoughts of what happened), hypervigilance and physiological overarousal (increased startle response, etc), and psychological numbing (can't feel strong emotions, feeling "numb," having dissociative experiences).

[RRU96]

Jexa: thanks for helping to clarify the deferrment a little. It didnt quite make sense to me. Almost as if they deferred because something was there and they couldnt pinpoint what it was so dropped it. I dont know.

As for current Doc.... that is the problem. Mental health doc got me settled on a cocktail of Prozac, Geodon, and Depakote... but that was over a year ago since I last saw her. I have no way to pay what my insurance at the time didnt cover. So I currently have a burned bridge there thanks to my insurance.

Now was I experiencing issues that they didnt catch. Yes.... but at the time I was only 20 or so. I dont think I fully understood EVERYTHING that was going on. Yes, witnessing the abuse... and everything that stemmed from it, was bad, but I may not have realized all the other things that were going on that may have been caused from it.

I have had 20+ jobs in my life. Before the Army, they lasted an average of about 2 months. I would get into my depression... and simply wouldnt go to work. A few days later I would call them up... appologize... and get my final check. So I would say that yes... I showed signs. I just dont what the signs said... and I still kind of dont.

I am trying to get my inpatient psych records from the Army, but all I know about the Army DX was what I wrote, Axis I: Adjustment disorder with depressed mood. I am hoping that there is something in there showing maybe PTSD, even something written that shows they knew about my abuse if I mentioned it.

I am having a VERY hard time believing that if I did tell them about the abuse, they would have left my DX as is. But that is all I know. The mental health doc I saw here that put me on my medical cocktail...threw around Bipolar... may have mentioned it...I dont know. She obviously treated for it. I just dont know if it was ever an official Dx of Bipolar.

The military Docs... I am thinking they simply didnt push the right button... and ask the right question to get me to talk. There are more things that I STILL have a hard time talking about. Things it took years of marriage before I finally was able to tell my wife. Which means.... I OBVIOUSLY cant share them here...probably not even with time. The judgement I would get from others is something I cant deal with.

Constant job rotation...
Never had a girlfriend... only a wife
Extremely shy towards anyone that showed interest in me in high school
Zoned-out depressive moods for a few days at a time... typically 2 month cycle
All before I joined the Army

While in the Army I was a 'problem soldier'.
I self admitted to inpatient psych ward 2 times...
Got into a lot of trouble.. but never serious...
OD'ed on anything if I thought it would get me some sleep.
(This included 3200mg of motrin nightly)
(Up to 15 Melatonin)
(On 2 occasions I swallowed an entire bottle of St. Johns Wart.)
Carried around a box of whatever pills anyone would give me ...
suicidal ideation

How can all this go on... yet nothing be seen but Adjustment Disorder?

[NuckingFutz]

Not sure really what is going on with your DX. Have you applied for disability yourself? As far as how you are feeling, have you checked with your county mental health department? I received pdoc visits and meds via tax payer dollars. I'm not sure the VA will provide health benefits for you. One of the criteria was serving at least 10 months. Why not call the county mental health clinic and start fresh? Welcome to PC and good luck!

[RRU96]

I have never thought of myself as disabled... I grew up with a mother whose mantra was "Suck it Up". I dont think she became 100% aware of mental health until my brother was dxed Schizophrenic. For me that was too late. I had already been acting out at home... punching holes in the drywall. But it was who I was. I look at these shows like Super Nanny and thank GOD that I wasnt like that. Somehow, reassuring me that I had a 'normal' childhood behaviour.

I have been to the County Mental Health over a year ago. My insurance that I had on my last job did not evidently cover all of my visits. I have a bill there that I cannot pay for. I have come here so that maybe I can learn a little more about mental health and SSDI. I am not against it. I am just petrified of it. It isnt something I can do now anyways. I would think it would be most beneficial if I was with a doc being treated for some time. I don't know. Right before I came back and posted this, I was learning the governments definition of disabled and its proof need in the 4 areas of functioning. I read through each of them... laughing because its like they took EACH one and pulled a little out of my life.... But on the other hand, I sit back and think.. "Yeah, I have that but it isnt that bad .." Its hard when you have a spouse. She supports everything about me, and never hesitates when I need help. She also has Multiple Sclerosis. My problems must not be that bad if she can deal with me on top of her MS.

I'm lost on everything and just don't know where to start.

As for VA, it is the fact that I have a General Discharge that is hampering me. That and the misconduct discharge. After thinking about my life while being on this site, I start thinking that the bucking up against authority kind of mindset is something I've had.... I just dont enough personal experiences from others, to know what to look for in myself. Does that make sense? All me and my wife know about Bipolar is me and my life. I don't know what was a normal experience and what was an episode.

[NuckingFutz]

Hey again. Veteran here. The military mental health system sucks. The pdocs just follow orders...there was a documentary on why the military was handing out pd dx's when clearly mental illness dx's. Turned out they do not have to cover benefits for disorders. I do not think the county should have charged you that $25 when your income was zero. Can you call them and get that deferred? You sounded hopeful when you wrote about how the meds helped. As far as the stigma you carry regarding mental health...it sounds like a chemical imbalance in your brain. Not your fault. He11, if your mom had what you do, she would not think of saying suck it up. My MI does not make me less of a person, it makes me more of one because I am more compassionate to myself and to others. Good luck to you...pm me anytime.

[RRU96]

Well... I have a signed release authorizing me to get a copy of my mental health records. I hope I dont get caught up in red tape because it was an Inpatient Psych Ward. But when I get these files... I dont grasp what I can do to get them to overcome my discharge. I mean, unless I read somewhere "Patient has Bipolar and BPD, but we cant fix it so, just call it adjustment disorder."
I mean, obviously there is something to look for that will help you understand what they were thinking. I just dont know...

Or is it clues in my clildhood... Like I said...I do I figure out if what I think... actions I have done... are from childhood curiousity... or if they were just episodes of Bipolar and its symptoms running its course.

I mean... There are things I have done.... that.. I dont know if I could tell anyone else besides my wife. She does know, but they are things that.. if you blurt out... some look at you in a different light.... while others may relate.. That fear is something I know that if I can overcome, I will take a huge step in helping myslef, but that step is something not everyone can make.

[Anneinside]

First, let me say that I know very little about VA benefits and disability determinations. I wonder if you had PTSD due to abuse in childhood while in the army if they would see that as a pre-existing condition and therefore not covered by VA disability. The second thing is that you might consider talking to a lawyer after you have obtained as many records as possible. The first visit is usually free and if they sue and win then they get a percentage of your disability... if they lose then there is no charge in most cases.

I have a friend who has been trying to get VA disability for years because of a slip-and-fall while in the service. He has talked about his attempts to get the disability for years with no end in sight.

Although it may be just the thing to apply for VA benefits, you might want to get a copy of your records with your psychiatrist both to apply for the benefits and to see if you can get SSD. However, if you aren't currently seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist there won't be much support for your application. It never hurts to try.