[musikcrazy]

Well, just went I thought things were on the upside they have crashed down. As most of you know I had accepted a new music job for next school year teaching K-8. Well, yesterday the principal calls me and tells me that they cannot fire the current teacher because HR told the principal that he must first put him on an improvement plan for a year. I am absolultey devestated. There are no other music positions and I cannot teach another year in the regular classroom. I was so angry that I came home and took four 2mg pills of Xanax XR. I got scared and called my pdoc who wanted me to go to the hospital, but I refused. I just passed out and my hubbie kept checking on me to make sure I was ok. I woke up this morning not remembering anything from yesterday except the principal calling. Now I am afraid to go back to work Monday as I left the school after I found out. I had my coworker cover for me, but I left crying and a mess. I am so embarrassed. And here I was trying to go off of my meds to have another baby. I feel like such a failure and I don't know what to do. Please help.

[leah0306]

musikcrazy, so so sad this has happened, its not your fault the school overlooked what they needed to do before letting go the teacher, please dont feel bad, nothing you did except believe what you were told..... please dont do that with your meds, i know the desire to take extra when feeling extra bad, but it only mades us feel worse when it wears off, and can do harm... you just go back to work unembarassed, most people also would have been upset, so thats nothing to be embarassed abou, okay? take care

[Skully]

I am so sorry to hear this. Hugs coming your way.

[yutzman]

The first thing I would do is try to calm down a little....maybe with the help of your hubbie.....The Xanax will help for a while but you have to come to gripps sooner than later.....I'm not a Psych, but you should probably just go back to school Monday like nothing ever happened and deal with the problem then.....No one knows about the problem right?....So just go back and deal with it in a new light.....Good luck....and God bless....

[grizmom]

You are not a failure!! The school failed you by hiring you for a position and then taking it away from you because of their mistake, not anything you did.

I know you are planning on trying for a baby...maybe not having the added stress of a new job will actually be helpful? Especially since you are going off meds; it might be good to be able to stay home when needed because of symptoms while off meds.

Please don't take more meds than prescribed...when I read your post yesterday I wasn't sure if you took 4 at once or 4 throughout the day, and I was very worried about you!! We care about you here and don't want anything to happen to you. Take good care of yourself!

[musikcrazy]

Thanks grizmom. I did take four at one time, three today at one time, and I just took a bunch of benadryl because I just want to sleep and sleep. I stayed in bed all day. My pdoc wants me to come see him Monday but I would lose a day of work. Right now I don't want to work or anything. I know it is situational, but I am totally depressed. I don't know if the lack of the pristiq is not helping. I took some Geodon that I found and that calmed me down. I am a wreck. Sorry.

Originally Posted by grizmom

You are not a failure!! The school failed you by hiring you for a position and then taking it away from you because of their mistake, not anything you did.

I know you are planning on trying for a baby...maybe not having the added stress of a new job will actually be helpful? Especially since you are going off meds; it might be good to be able to stay home when needed because of symptoms while off meds.

Please don't take more meds than prescribed...when I read your post yesterday I wasn't sure if you took 4 at once or 4 throughout the day, and I was very worried about you!! We care about you here and don't want anything to happen to you. Take good care of yourself!

[The Crazy Rambler]

Originally Posted by musikcrazy

Well, just went I thought things were on the upside they have crashed down. As most of you know I had accepted a new music job for next school year teaching K-8. Well, yesterday the principal calls me and tells me that they cannot fire the current teacher because HR told the principal that he must first put him on an improvement plan for a year. I am absolultey devestated. There are no other music positions and I cannot teach another year in the regular classroom. I was so angry that I came home and took four 2mg pills of Xanax XR. I got scared and called my pdoc who wanted me to go to the hospital, but I refused. I just passed out and my hubbie kept checking on me to make sure I was ok. I woke up this morning not remembering anything from yesterday except the principal calling. Now I am afraid to go back to work Monday as I left the school after I found out. I had my coworker cover for me, but I left crying and a mess. I am so embarrassed. And here I was trying to go off of my meds to have another baby. I feel like such a failure and I don't know what to do. Please help.

Dear Musikcrazy,

As others have said: it is not your fault! You are NOT a failure, just because you resonded the way you did. I do totally understand your response to this difficult situation! And it feels even worse because there is nothing you can do to change it.
I know you want to escape the situation. But you have to face it at some point, and doing that earlier rather than later I think will be easier to handle.
It is true that anybody would have been upset. So try not to be ashamed or embarrased. There is no need. I know it is easier said than done, but I just want to encourage you in a different thinking pattern, you know what I mean?
It is hard what you are going thru. Once you have worked your way thru, and have settled down, start thinking again about getting pregnant. I am glad your pdoc is concerned about you. Try and visit when you can, it is important to work with your pdoc re meds adn pregnancy and also this situation.
Do you have a T? It might help to speak with your T as well. Anything that will help you to get you back on your feet and more stabilized!
Take care of yourself, sweety!

[Eloise42]

I don't know the specifics of course but is there some way to still do a little of the job you want to do? When I was in school I loved music class and whenever there was an opportunity to sign up for more of it I did. We didn't have band in elementary school but my friend and I were allowed to leave class for trumpet lessons. We had fun and because it was just the two of us and the music teacher basically giving us private lessons we were the best in our middle school band.

In middle school we had a separate jazz band practice one day a week during recess. The music teacher who taught me how to play the trumpet had a huge impact on my life. It sounds like you are pretty close to being in a place where you could do the same thing?

[confusions_friend]

Gosh your story hits home ((hugs)). I feel so out of control with my emotions. I was a teacher for eight years and last year I lost my teaching job and I believe a lot of it had to do with my bipolar. I'm so scared now of getting any job at all and I definitely don't want to teach ever again. I admire you for still doing all you do and I really hope that somehow your reaction today won't seem as bad when you return to school. Perhaps people will actually decide they don't really blame you for your reaction, as it was a rotten thing for the school to do.

[musikcrazy]

Thanks everybody for your support. I took today off because my pdoc wants to see me this morning. I am afraid he is going to want to put me back on the meds. The only one I've been taking is the Xanax because I have this weird repetitive movement in my hand. I don't know if it is tress realted or what. Last year when I wasn't working 'full-time' I taught private voice, piano, and violin lessons. I really want to stay in the school district because it is SO hard to get back in. My hubbie has agreed that I can stay at home if I want, but I don't know if that's what I want. I enjoy working and it makes me feel fulfilled. I just found out yesterday about an opening at an alternative school for music, so I am taking my resume today. An alternative school is where they send the kids that have been kicked out of school due to behavior. Maybe those kids could really use someone like me.