[Aquafara]

I have read and read until my eyes have fallen out of their sockets. Not really, obviously, but I'm trying to understand Bipolar. The doctors think I have it, and I've accepted it, but other times I decide it's not right. Anyway, no matter how many times I read the symptoms I don't always full understand them.

I know what it means to be super happy and super depressed and all that, but I need to know more.

Is there anyone here who can help me better understand?

What exactly do you feel and think in a manic or hypomanic episode? How greatly do those two differ? What about a depressed episode and definitely a mixed? Mixed is very confusing to me. What does it feel like to be happy and sad?

Half the time I can't pick a mood and can't really recognize things inside myself. Maybe others are better at this than me?

[NuckingFutz]

Sounds like you are pretty new at this (the first thing a lot of us do is read until our eyeballs fall out). We do this to understand and get control of our lives. I have been diagnosed for years. The best advice I can suggest is to take your time learning about bp. Observe yourself and how bp shows up in you. Read the posts on here. Make some pc friends. Try not to make sudden major life decisions while in a major depressive or manic phase as they are not usually wise choices. Search for your strengths and use them in your battle against bp.

[musikcrazy]

I can tell you that after four years I am still trying to figure things out. I have definitely learned a lot and I understand better. Reading helps, but I have found that it is important not to overanalyze things. I have mixed episodes and they are not fun. For me, I am crazy irritable with outbursts of energy, yet at the same time I am severely depressed. It is not fun. With meds I have periods of hypomania, but not full blown manic episodes. When I am hypomanic I am very sexual and I feel like I am the life of the party. I say inapproprate things in public and I make very bad decisions. I drive reckless when I'm like that and I have hunted down people that pissed me off on the road. I know that sounds crazy, but its what I do when I'm like that. Feel free to message me. Take care!

[Medicated]

Unfortunately, it might be hard for us to help you much because everyone experiences bipolar differently. Me, I've never had a manic or mixed episode (I'm bipolar II), and although I've been hypomanic a few times, I spend most of my life battling severe depression.

For me, hypomania means I have lots of energy, lofty goals, and I like musikcrazy said, I feel like I'm the life of the party. I spend lots of money (buy cars, etc), take trips, and get myself involved in multiple commitments and activities that I just can't keep up when I come back down.

Mania is more severe, and the main difference is that it interferes with functioning in a way that hypomania does not. I can still get my schoolwork and such done when I'm hypomanic, but a manic person would find it difficult or impossible to focus his energies on something so mundane. Mania can also look completely crazy and be very difficult to differentiate from schizophrenia. Some people experience hallucinations and paranoia when they become manic, but I've never had that.

By definition, a mixed episode is high energy with a depressed mood. It generally manifests as severe agitation and anger.

I hope I've been of some help.

[midnight rainbow]

To add to what others have said, there can be other extremes (high or low), like anxiety, agitation , paranoia, rage, fear. I'm mostly depressed, but have high stages of mania with euphoric feelings, high states of energy, but can never focus long on one thing. My depression used to be extreme and long to the point of suicidal. And then there's the mashed mess in between. I denied it for a long time, no doctor could tell me I was bipolar. It wasn't until I was clean and sober for a couple of years and was married to current husband, was off my meds, and jumped in a dangerously cold lake in April, that I began to accept that I had it. Trying to figure it out and understanding myself and hope to cope is a life long process. (I was first hospitalized 20 years ago and the lake incident was just 8 years ago)

Don't rush things. Just take your time with it. Learn to understand you so you can help yourself and anyone else who may be involved. Good luck to you.

[greylove]

Hm-m-m-m. Maybe that explains me. Does hypomania precede mania in some people? I started off sounding like you in some parts of your post Medicated, and like parts of your post too, musikcrazy. The energy, the life of the party, the spending, the plans, and scarily, the tracking down a stranger on the road when when I saw him driving recklessly, endangering his girlfriend and child, etc. Good grief. I really was crazy. And before that, I see now that I was in a mixed state: very happy and "up" at work, and very depressed, so "down " I couldn't stand it, as soon as I got home. Not irritable or angry. Just totally depressed. That's when I switched from Effexor to Wellbutrin, which my doctor said sometimes kicks off full blown mania, mine complete with delusions and psychosis. Arg-g-g-h-h-h! So much to figure out. I"ll be learning something new forever.....greylove

[Medicated]

Originally Posted by greylove

And before that, I see now that I was in a mixed state: very happy and "up" at work, and very depressed, so "down " I couldn't stand it, as soon as I got home. Not irritable or angry. Just totally depressed.

Not quite a mixed state. I don't know what to call it. I experience the same phenomenon... I'm fine at work, but as soon as I get home, I hate life... My therapist thinks it's just a matter of distraction - I can't wallow at work the way I do at home... but that's a different topic.

In a mixed state, a person has very high energy and a very low mood at the same time, not alternating. Have you ever been depressed but extremely restless? That's more what it would be like.

(FYI - although I haven't ever experienced a mixed state, I have witnessed it in my patients as part of my medical training. I saw a few cases while I was doing my clinical rotation in psychiatry... Mixed states are not nearly as common as mania or depression.)

[Aquafara]

I guess mainly I have a hard time understanding the definitions. The more I read, the more confused I become. I think it's easier to understand when someone tells me how their day was.

I used to have a job that I absolutely hated. I forced myself to go to it on the bad days. When I'd have a good day though, I'd go in and I'd be so happy it was unbelievable. I mean, I almost could've hugged everyone who came into the store. On those days I'd think, "Wow, this is awesome. From now on I am always going to feel like this." And then I'd 'crash' and I again hated the world and everyone in it. Driving to work was a bad experience as everyone pissed me off with their stupid driving. I was miserable and it took every bit of biting my tongue til it bled to not say something absolutely horrible and losing my job. I can't believe I was never fired!

And I have fits of rage and times of great energy. The only thing that doesn't fit much to me is the whole excessive spending (even though I've been somewhat frivolous) and promiscuity. I mean, what is hypersexualism anyway? I think I need to research this part more.

I think it's a bit difficult for me to pinpoint exactly my bipolar symptoms b/c I also have Narcolepsy... So the whole great energy may be swayed because of my need for uncontrollable sleep. Ahhh my head is spinning. It's too much, too confusing!

[Aquafara]

I don't think I could ever just go and buy a car. I thought that kind of thing was more of a manic than hypomanic. I've bought things like once I purchased a sewing machine because I was going to make purses and wallets and all this stuff and sell them on the internet. I start projects often and never finish them when I'm feeling really good. My parents bathroom is half painted because once I was totally going to redo their bathroom... It's still like that and it's been well over a year. I think a lot of the time I spend so much time planning and thinking of the things that I want to do that by the time it comes to actually doing it, the Narcolepsy kicks in and takes me out. That's probably a good thing.

[sugahorse1]

Hypersexuality and overspending usually come when we lose touch with reality. Hypersexuality results in having sex with people without thinking about the consequences, if one is in a relationship - having affairs. Not using protection...

I don't overspend as I tend to quite stringent with my money anyway, but I do notice myself buying one or two things I don't really need, or just because "they're NICE". Usually I have to justify to myself why I buy something to the n-th degree.

I do not experience Mania, and I do know what it is, as I've seen my best friend go through it. I just have slight hypomania.

There are plenty of links on the internet to learn more, but I just read until I understood the basics. Now on PC I feel I have a support structure and can discuss personal experiences with people. We all have some symptoms that may not be stereotypical, but 99% of the time you can be guaranteed that someone on here has gone through the same things before you.
On the top of this page there is a link to some info too.

I've recently started using the mood tracker (Under QUIZZES above) and I hope it gives me a better understanding of myself. If you have the time and emotional strength, I'd recommend keeping a diary to write your thoughts and feelings down. Try understand the length of your cycles, to help you know what to expect.

I'd also go and see a doctor to make a diganosis - form the above I assume you're not yet one meds? This is VERY important, as it will definitely improve your quality of life.

I spend most of my time in depressed episode or mixed.

[Eloise42]

I never perfectly fit the literature. I never went on shopping benders or gambled or sex sprees. For me manic episodes were usually private art project cyclones and God help anyone who got in my way. I remember how I felt, I was brilliant, what I was doing was of the utmost importance, I was beyond excited and easily irritated. And all of that I experienced for varying lengths of times and to varying degrees.

Depression I think comes in many, many forms. Mixed episode is a lot of overwhelming emotions all at once that seem to contradict each other