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#1
Jun 03, 2010, 08:07 AM
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I just don't know what's going on. Woke up with major anxiety for which I cannot find an explaination. I'm having muscle twitches all over my body intermittently. I cannot sleep properly without my sleeping tabs.
Yesterday my thoughts were racing so fast through my head I couldn't quite string a sentence together, let alone co-ordinate my thoughts. I've managed to be productive today, as I had serious deadlines to meet, but I'm totally exhausted now. I was in bed just after 10, and only woke up just before 7. starting to feel a bit of depression, and also feeling "sorry for myself". I think I just need a hug and some emotional support.. |
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#2
Jun 03, 2010, 09:17 AM
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Suga, I'm sorry you are having such a tough time
 I feel rather guilty, my mood's almost always the opposite of yours, but I guess SOME sort of BALANCE is needed  Suga, If I was experiencing major anxiety,sleep depravation AND muscle twitches simultaneously, I'd def see a doc, and hope you do... I hope you feel better soon, and hope that you find comfort in the knowledge that you have your PC friends whenever you're in a squeeze. I know I find LOTS of comfort in that... Anyway, I'm sending lots of gigantic bear hugs to comfort you and I'll be here with the rest of the gang cheering you on! (what do you think of cyber pompomz?) LOL Hope you feel better soon dear friend   
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#3
Jun 03, 2010, 09:31 AM
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Thanks Trippin!
It's not really depression - just anxiety and really not being able to be on top of your game, nor able to think straight. And just wanting to disappear into a hole. |
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#4
Jun 03, 2010, 09:49 AM
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Are you reving up into a mixed cycle? Do you have mixed cycles?
I'm sorry you're having a hard day, Suga. Well, I put a pretty graphic in this for you, but somehow it links back to my personal name through photobucket. Grrrr. :::Hugs, hugs and more hugs:::
__________________
"We all have the potential to go our darkest place. Most of us manage to leave a light on." (I think I need a new bulb!) Here's to helping each other navigate the darkness.
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#5
Jun 03, 2010, 09:53 AM
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Thanks PufN - I'm not quite sure if it's a mixed episode. Which is why it's bothering me a bit..? I tihnk it may well be.
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#6
Jun 03, 2010, 10:00 AM
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Whoa, been there, not too long ago, so I'ma tell you, what I was told...
No holes ok? I know how much it sucks when you're "not on top of your game" it's frustrating and can, at times be debilitating. So I empathize... Please don't shutdown, I tend to do that, and it really just makes things spiral. I read you woke up anxious, so you're probly unsure if it was subconciously triggered, but are there certain things that's aggravating you're present "state"? I would suggest avoiding them, I've noticed that it when I post, it REALLY helps for me to go into detail, I'm not sure why though, cos I still only get feedback / insight after posting LOL... Feel free to PM me if the need arises suga, and remember, just because it's not depression doesn't mean it's trivial. Nothing about your feeling's are trivial ( u taught me that )>>>>>>>HUGZZzzz<<<<<<<
__________________
DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#7
Jun 03, 2010, 10:07 AM
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Thanks Trippin!!
I did wake up anxious and had to take a Benzo (first time this week!) I did know today was going to be a hectic day at work with meeting deadlines, but workwise it tended not to be too bad. Just felt a tightening in my chest, and a little knot in my stomach for most of the day. Then had funny twitches in my back and shoulders (I get them occassionally). Yesterday I couldnt focus with random thoughts racing thro my head - not negative; just like an electric buzz. My eyes were flitzing backwards and forwards, I couldn't concentrate, I was talking quite fast. Didn't take a sleeping tab last night, so I woke up quite often during the night; and this morning I felt like I'd just had a serious adrenalin rush. Even my phone ringing or the sms tone was making me jump and set off the adrenalin in me again |
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#8
Jun 03, 2010, 10:19 AM
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You need to get some rest and relaxation!
All those livewires must be exhausting, I personally recommend a bubble bath accompanied by a glass of wine. Thereafter some soothing music; which for me would preferrably be Micheal Buble' or even some coheed and cambria I hope your body and mind make a truce soon >>>>>>>HUGZ<<<<<<<
__________________
DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#9
Jun 03, 2010, 01:47 PM
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(((Sugarhorse)))
Mixed episodes are real bummers. I hope it is just an off day and you will feel better soon. |
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#10
Jun 04, 2010, 05:19 AM
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I do think it's a mixed episode. I don't really have any emotions. Just racing thoughts (I kind of feel like I have a swollen head, think sinus headache..) a bit of anxiety (Better than yesterday), extreme irritability, sort of loneliness, looking for acceptance and support.
Not sure if that describes anything. |
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#11
Jun 04, 2010, 05:49 AM
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It does...that sounds just like my mixed episodes.
Glad your anxiety is better than yesterday...I know you're going to laugh at me, but I get my irritation out by helping solve crime cases...armchair sleuthing, if you will. Helps me re-direct my "anger" towards doing something positive with it. But I know what you mean. Here's to a good day, Suga. Even if it's just one small thing you accomplish (with yourself), you're doing well!!! xoxo Suga, I will be away for the weekend. My iPhone is in a watery grave (cries), and I haven't gotten a new one yet. I may not be online this weekend if I can't go by the store before we leave....so just in case, I'm thinking about you and Love ya! 
__________________
"We all have the potential to go our darkest place. Most of us manage to leave a light on." (I think I need a new bulb!) Here's to helping each other navigate the darkness.
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#12
Jun 04, 2010, 07:03 AM
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Thanks guys - I know I just need to ride it out, but right now it's tiring and confusing and frustrating and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and
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#13
Jun 04, 2010, 09:36 AM
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I'm sorry you're having such a bad time right now! Do you think you need to call your pdoc? Or maybe start shopping for a new one? (I know the one you have doesn't seem to like changing or adjusting meds, just a thought) Sending lots of hugs from my kitty and me!!
__________________
From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too." My blog, "Life and Other Annoyances": http://jennikj.blogspot.com/  |
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#14
Jun 04, 2010, 09:49 AM
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Thanks Griz
Not sure what I'm going to do about the pdoc and don't know who else to ask. I GP I hardly go to, I don't have a T I'm seeing, I don't think I like my pdoc anymore... So from a medical perspective, I'm not sure where to start. Did write down the numbers of 3 pdocs today which I can try. All 3 have been mentioned to me in one way or another. 1 - GP recommended, but waiting period for 1st app was too long 2 - I think a friend mentioned her 3 - A psych that 2 of my friends have been to and really got on with recommended, but I never made an app |
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#15
Jun 04, 2010, 12:22 PM
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(((sugahorse))) Im so sorry you have been feeling so bad. When is your next pdoc appt? I know I am hanging by a thread waiting for mine on Monday. I really wish he would just start completely over with my meds and make it a clean slate cause I dont think mine are working correctly. Kinda feel like you in a mixed state which really sucks. Sorry I dont have any inspirational advise. Good luck and hope you start to feel better soon!
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#16
Jun 04, 2010, 07:02 PM
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Sugahorse I hope you feel better soon and I hope you can get in to see someone even quicker!
__________________
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open."  Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
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#17
Jun 07, 2010, 04:35 AM
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thanks guys.
I told my pdoc I was feeling a bit otherwise and she told me to just see how it goes and phone this Friday 11 June... arg |
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#18
Jun 07, 2010, 05:28 AM
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Suga, I'm sorry I haven't been around to encourage you...I had my own bout and couldn't manage to write anything. I hope you're feeling better today. xoxo
__________________
"We all have the potential to go our darkest place. Most of us manage to leave a light on." (I think I need a new bulb!) Here's to helping each other navigate the darkness.
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#19
Jun 07, 2010, 06:25 AM
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Thanks Puf! I def think it's a mixed episode. Right now I don't feel anything, but there's a bit of anxiety lingering. On Saturday I lost my temper with my bf - even though I feel it was justified, my outlet was totally unacceptable. Yesterday I just vegged. At least it hasn't been full depression. No mania symptoms other than a bit of aggitation and definite irritation. Slept about 10 hours on Saturday night.
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