i will soon be unable to get on this site

So, my husband will not allow me access to this website at home because I complained about him once in a different forum and it hurt his feelings. So I work with him and for his dad but when I can I get online at work. I just do it very sneakily. Now he said his dad is getting a program to track where we go online!!! I am so frustrated. I hardly ever post as it is because I have t owait until hes not around to even get online and then I am busy trying to read posts and keep up. He doesnt let me see a therapist because I dont have time to take off work for it so this is as good as it gets. **** he just almost busted me. gotta go

do you have windows 7 yet? In Internet Explorer you can do "In Private Browsing" where it doesn't keep track of your cookies, history, etc.

and seriously, why is he allowed to tell you which website you can go to and which one you can't? It seems like he may have some security issues.

Also, you can find therapists that have late appointments/weekend appointments, so you wouldn't have to miss work.

Have you tried talking to him? Make some demands, it's your right. Give him the ultimatum that you either go to the therapist, or you come on here. Don't let him run your life.

honestly I didnt mean for that to come off as he is controlling my life. He just doesnt want me on this website because of me ranting about him. He thinks its unhealthy. And I think that once we have insurance and im able to find a therapist open late I will be able to go to therapy. i hope at least. I guess I am just used to him making all the decisions and have come to peace with it because other than that I have a very happy life. In fact I feel guilty even making it seem other wise at all. I just want access to this website. Well, that and the ability to go to Bath and Body Works and Victoria's Secret semi-annual sales.

Doesn't everyone want that?

Everybody complains about their spouses at some point, some more than others. It's a way that couples can grow. You could always bring up the argument that you could complain about him to his mother. That's what I do when I want something to get done.

yes and even more than go to their sales I want to spend MONEY lol
Anyways, I could complain to my mother-in-law but I dont have to. She lives with us and witnesses everything. Which depending on what day it is can be good or bad. But as far as this site goes, his family sides with him.

He is actually out of the office for a couple of hours so I can actually vent for a minute.

So I guess I am going to have to use my blackberry to get on here once they put that program in. I am using and OLD version of windows on an ancient computer so the windows 7 thing wont work for me. But I wonder if he can tell what websites I have been on on my phone when he checks the usage online? I know he was able to tell that I uploaded pics to facebook while at work but can he tell what websites I visited or when I was even on the web at work? This just makes me want to quit my job even more.

I agree with QueenAccountant: wives and husbands don't have the right to limit where the other goes on the internet. It's like telling someone what books they can or cannot read, or which TV stations to watch. It sounds like your husband has some serious control issues that can make life miserable for you. Is there any possibility that you could get him to come with you to couples therapy? If the two of you are churchgoers, could you and your husband consult with your pastor? You might want to talk to your pastor one-on-one first, and let the pastor know what's going on. The minister could then just have a preliminary chat with your husband after services. Of course, there's always the possibility (depending on the kind of church you attend) that your pastor would support your husband and you really ought to feel him out about his position before you ask him to intervene. If your pastor believes that husbands have the right and duty to control their families, then you probably ought to avoid having a three-some with him.

You have a real and significant relations problem, and I wish you all the luck in the world in working it out in one or a series of meeting with an appropriately trained therapist.

The very best of luck in your endeavors to work things out. There are some very interesting books out there about how to deal with a controlling spouse. I don't know how many would appear at your local bookstore, but at places like Amazon or Barnes & Noble you can easily search by using key words like "controlling spouse."

I'll put you in my prayers tonght and we'll see what can be done.

Kindest regards,

Ygrec23

You know, accessing this site from a Blackberry isn't a bad idea. And you can erase your history too. Libraries also have free internet access as well. How about picking up an used laptop just for your private use that is password protected. You have a right to privacy on here. Don't give up so easily. Hang in there!

I agree with everyone else...your spouse doesn't have the right to tell you which websites you can or cannot visit. I would understand if you had a gambling problem and were visiting gambling websites and losing money or something serious like that, but you aren't doing anyone any harm by visiting here and venting your frustrations. You aren't using your real name either, so it's not like we even know who your husband is. Like was said above, don't give up so easily! Stick up for your rights...you are an adult and don't deserve to be treated like a child. Hang in there!!!

Sounds like an unhealthy relationship to me. He has not right to control what websites you go to or whether you can go to a therapist. I would seriously re-evaluate the marriage at this point.

I see my therapist on a sliding scale because my deductible is ridiculous on my insurance plan. So even if you don't have insurance you can see a therapist. Sliding scales usually start at $30. I found mine on the internet...

Go with the Blackberry idea. I only usually go online here at work, cos my bf also would have issues with PC - but PC is my family and saving grace

I think I come off wrong. I really dont think he is controlling in a bad way. He just makes sure I dont spend money irrationally and he makes all the major decisions because I am almost always in a mood. Either depressed or manic and shouldnt be making decisions for myself. I go to him for everything just as a sounding board. Like should we get gas on the way home tonight or wait until tomorrow. Its just easier asking his opinion and doing things his way than fighting about it. I just want to be able to keep getting on this site because its the one thing I do by myself. On my own. AND it makes me happy being around people that understand.

its not like he tells me every web site I can go to. He just doesnt like this one because once he called me an alcoholic. Well many times he called me that so I made a thread once while I was drunk about it and it ended up being more about him being abusive than about me drinking and THEN he read the d@mn thing from top to bottom and I was BUSTED. He was more hurt than anything. He is controlling but not in a mean way. You could say he has been abusive in the past but since he read that thread he has been a lot nicer. I wish I could just explain to him that this website for now is my therapy and that you guys are my friends and that this place isnt unhealthy. But he would never understand. thanks for listening.

I think he saw some truth in the thread he wrote or he would not have changed his behavior, regardless, in his mind, we are the enemy. Do what you have to in order to stay on if we help.