How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

Innerzone: hope the road gets a little smoother
Clive: hope you get that sunshine soon
Eileen: hope you get the rest you need
vj: sometimes we are the wise teacher, sometimes we are the naive pupil. Hope you find some inspiration today
sundog: totally understand about flying..that has been an issue for me all my life. Never go without my sister and/or hubs, plus they make sure I have a bloody mary before getting on the plane...don't know why it has to be a bloody mary...I never drink them any other time...!

me: feel much better after the doc visit and after waking up this morning to a hubs that is still behaving himself doc recommended therapy, gave me a referral, he also is going to consult with a psychiatrist to make sure we're going in the right direction on the meds. I love this guy - if I call, I get a call back usually less than 15 minutes, if I say I need to come in, they'll see me the same day..it's pretty awesome. Anyway, feeling a bit better, said a while ago I was going to go sit in the sun...really going to do it this time.

That's GREAT, PT!!!!

crashed out this morning - not bad but will take a break from work a couple of days early... hopefully will level out with some added ADs... thinking of you all

feel better soon, BlackPup

I am feeling lost and lonely trying not to cry I have to go to work I dont want to leave the house. I made a phone call to someone yesterday that I had been putting its was lovely to speak to them but they kept going on about beating my depression. I know how this will end when I can't become cheerful and upbeat after they have known me for a while they will gradually become distant and tell me that I need to change the way I think and forget stuff thats gone that I can do nothing about. I know all the stuff they say but its does not help the feelings do no go away and the thoughts no matter how positive I try are there and I cannot shake off anything I can just manage to keep going most days when really I just want to turn my face to the wall and not not move. Somtimes I feel that if I started to scream I would not be able to stop. I managed to write this without breaking into tears, its two days not that I have been able to control myslef and not cry although i can feel them welling up. I dread leaving the house this morning I am all knotted up inside I want to go back to bed and put my head under the cover and fall asleep and not wake up unless I'd awaken full of life and feeling ok. But I have to work. I am afraid of losing my job. Please pray for me or at least send me positive thoughts.

Hello everyone !!

Thanks for all the kind comments.

I'm sorry your are struggling so badly, Lilleth. I know what you mean about getting out of the house and the temptation to dive under the covers. I get those feelings most days. I am not working and at least I don't have that pressure. I wish I had some words of wisdom. It is still a work in progress for me. I hope you feel better soon. Feel free to write if you ever need someone to talk to, or even to vent to.


I am somewhere between okay and blah today. There is no entry on the "My Mood" indicator that suits. I am up, I have had coffee and breakfast. The Scrabble application that I use is down more than it is up. What was a good distraction has become a source of stress. I guess they will fix it eventually. It may have become a victim of its own success and it may have got overloaded.

I feel so many things today i cant even keep them all straight. Yesterday was a tough day for me with a fight with my child. Today im trying to move on from the hurt from yesterday. I feel creative today so designing some graphics is definitly on the schedule. Im feeling like i cant keep peace in my large family with everyone having so many issues... autism, bipolar, ptsd, my self eating disorder and depression, and the list goes on! Today i just feel like running away and not having to be the rock to hold it all together.

Lilleth: I hope your depression lifts soon and you find some sunshine

Clive: hope things lean more towards okay and away from blah!

good2go: remember, you don't have to be the rock all the time...take care of yourself first and it's easier to take care of everyone else.

Me: incredibly nervous - first job interview since I got fired from the last job. Feeling good tho - this is definitely a more "normal" kind of nervous . okay - at 10:00 a.m. PST (one hour from now) everybody concentrate their positive energy on my interview! I promise I'll pay it forward...onward and upward!!!

I feel okay. Lot on my plate to do (over the next few days before school starts), but I believe that I can accomplish it all. Meds are working well with the new pdoc's tweaking...my anxiety has gone down.

PT: Good luck on your interview!! You're probably in it right now, but sending positive vibes your way.

Hope your mood levels out soon (((((Blackpup)))))

Really sorry you're feeling so bad right now ((((((Lilleth))))) I will definitely send some positive thoughts to you. And I really hope things improve soon

((((((Clive))))) Sorry the Scrabble app is down. Hope they get it back up and running again soon! I get really frustrated when there are issues with the various online games I play too!

(((((((goodtogo)))))))) I hope you're able to find some peace while you do your graphic designing. It's great you feel creative!

(((((((((PT)))))))))))) I just read that your interview went well! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! That's awesome!!!!!!! We'll keep the good vibes coming your way!!!!

It's great you're doing well! (((((((thinker)))))))

I am feeling a lot better now that I've got my trip to the dentist out of the way!! I HATE going to the dentist! Even the exam and cleaning stress me out!!! Anyhow, it's all over now for another 4 months so that's good!! Overall I am still dealing with some anxiety issues but they are mainly manageable at the moment. I'm still at my slightly increased dose of anti-depressant and I'm planning to increase again tomorrow (another small increase).

Hugs to all

Got a fair amount accomplished today in preparation for hearing on Monday; Frustrated beyond belief - when I seek advice on how to handle stuff- people keep telling me I need a lawyer! What part of- would I be doing this without one if I could afford one?? The pro-bono stuff is crap dealing with custody issues NOT part of a divorce and NOT in family court! I have called every law referral place I can find- if they DO handle this type of case on a no fee or sliding scale they have no one available- the rest don't deal with it!

Once I got my work done I was going to relax and play some games on Facebook- FB is not up and running right now!

Guess I am going to shower (the stress makes me stink!). Bright note- new Bones and CSI on tonight ( OK morbid shows I like!). Thanks for listening/reading to my vents!

PT52 glad your hubs is acting better. Great to hear you have such an awsome doc to rely upon. Glad your interview went well.

BlackPup hope your mood improves soon

Lilleth sorry to hear you are having such a troublesome time with your depression. Sending big hugs your way and hoping your move improves soon.

Clive Hope your mood gets better. I'm sorry your source of distraction is down.

good2go take a breather. You don't have to always be the one holding it all together. You got to take care of yourself too. Good luck on the graphic designing.

thinker glad the med tweak helped with your anxiety and you are feeling well and ready to tackle the things you need to do.

sundog good job making it through your dentist appointment. Glad you are feeling better. I hope your mood continues to improve.

frog sorry all you are dealing with and the frustration that goes along with it. I hope it all pays off in the end for you.

I was doing pretty ok today till this evening. My son really badly wants to join cub scouts. I can't tell him no without him crying totally heartbroken. So we are going to try even though we have a limited amount of funds for us to live on. I just wish someone would call us back and my husband could find a job. I don't like living in this uncertainty of what is going to happen to us. Anyway, now I'm stressing and my anxiety level is going through the roof. I've took a klonopen, but so far it ain't helping. How do I break my child's heart and say no when all the logic says we can't do this. I just can't. I'll I can do is hope things work out for the best.

i have been sick with a cold the past few days so that has kinda worn me out, and made me feel a little more vulnerable than usual. my moods, i guess, to summarize, have mostly been mixed. i would say today has been more of a down day pretty consistently. i had blood work done at 8am, and had a call back about 5 hours later saying i could increase my depakote again. maybe 1500mg will be the right level. who knows. anyway, at 9am i had a very emotionally draining/hard therapy session in which i was surprised by my own forthcomingness and level of honesty - while staying pretty calm, i'd say - although that may have had something to do with the ativan, ha - about some issues i've never really talked about in such details before, but i have been struggling with the past 2 years. i feel confident in who i am seeing as a therapist again and that she will be there for me and work with me through figuring out everything. i find her words and attitude comforting, and did not feel at all judged. so i guess that is one positive. i am, however, hoping to feel a little less down tomorrow. crossing my fingers this depakote increase works.

I'm not so blah today. I have set "my mood" to fine for want of something better. I always tended to run high on the mood scale. For so very long, I have not had an up mood. I have never really craved an up mood or mild hypomania, but recently it sounds good. Even the lithium I took once didn't totally crush the up moods. It seems that Seroquel does a good job at that.

I don't really get depressed. I just get a general anxiety.

Good news is that Scrabble was up this morning. It has been up and down so much, so I don't know how well they fixed it. It was nice to play my morning game and even nicer to win.

I am pleased that I am finally using my exercise bike. I was up to 13 Km yesterday. I try to watch TV or play the radio to make it less boring. I don't always get out of the apartment, so I am trying to use the bike when I don't.

imyourmonster congratulations on a productive therapy session. It is great that you can feel so comfortable with your therapist. Sending you good vibes and hoping your mood improves. Also hoping the cold will get better.

Clive glad you are feeling a little better. I can understand missing the up moods. Life is less bland when we feel this way. Glad the scrabble was back up and you could play. Congrats on winning. Hoping the anxiety will stay at bay for you.

Today has just started for me so I really don't know what to feel yet. Thought I would hop on here and pass some time. Check in and see how everyone was doing. So far it don't look like many of you have been on yet today. Wishing everyone a good day.

Heh, hear you. I can think of quite a few moods that I wish were listed on the choices... I often do wish for mild hypomania. But only the good kind. Not the irritable and aggressive kind. Wish there was a choice in those options too... Oh well.

Right now? Triggered by a neighbor. I'm not involved directly, but psychologically. Will spare details, for obvious reasons.

Other than anxiety (took a xanax -- TG for that med...), pretty blah. Unmotivated as more and more piles up. For details, see "so many factors" thread. Need to get back on art projects. To alter mind to a different state without resorting to negative behaviors... (Art and music. Don't know what I'd do without them. . --Those are not negatives of course -- but just realized how that might read, lol!)

Hoping the job situation change will even things out again. Psych appointment in half a week. Thank goodness. Need it.

to everyone going through yucky stuff right now. (And to those not posting who could use one... offer stands as well! ) And to everyone regardless of good or bad going on...

Wow so many new posters on this thread, I have been gone too long. But it doesnt matter. my birthday is in 2 days and I am hoping to do everything I can to prevent it. I'm glad your all pulling strong but I am alone and tired and I give up......

((((((((vj)))))))))))) I'm really sorry about all the stress you're feeling. I'm keeping everything crossed that your husband finds a job soon. And I hope today is a better day for you

(((((imyourmonster)))))) Sorry you're sick right now, but it's great to hear that you are liking your therapist so much and also that you're able to increase your depakote. Really hope it helps!

(((((((Clive))))))) Good to hear you're doing better today. Well done for getting on the exercise bike!

((((((((Innerzone))))))) Sorry you're dealing with so much. I really hope things get easier. I'm glad the xanax helps in the meantime and it's good you have a psych appointment coming up soon.

((((((((((((((((Denise)))))))))))))))))))) It's really good to see you again but I'm so sorry you're still feeling so bad. I hope your Birthday flies by and that you will feel much better once it's over. Please don't give up!! Please hang in there until your Birthday is over. I'm sure you'll feel a bit better then. Thinking of you and hope to see you around the forums here

I am doing ok. The anxiety is definitely less at the moment and I'm feeling quite a bit better physically. My mood is not great, but it feels pretty stable. I'm keeping really busy at work and that is definitely helping. I'm a bit nervous about the weekend because I find that my anxiety is often increased at the weekend (too much time on my hands/change of routine etc). Just trying to take things one moment at a time......

Love and hugs to all

I dont want it to fly by, i want to be dead before hand. But thanks anyways =)

Oh and I do certainly intend to "Hang" in there........

((((((((((((((((Denise))))))))))))))))))))

Denise, I hope you will call a hotline or go to the hospital if you are seriously suicidal. Don't take this lightly. We want to hear from you for many years to come. I know you are down and it seems like it will be this way forever, but keep on hoping. If you don't have any hope left in you, I'll hope for you. Somebody had to hope for me during the 2-3 years of depression I have faced while they tried dozens of meds on me. The illness is lying to you. I've been there so many times (although I'm not presuming to know the exact kind of pain you're in).

Don't give up. We care about you. Find some reason to stay alive and hold onto it tightly.

Today: Feeling fine. It's been an anxiety and depression free day. I'm beginning to trust my meds and not fear that my brain will attack me when I wake up in the morning or go about my day. I still have some intrusive dark thoughts, but I can deal with them. Thank you all for your support on this thread. I wish for everyone to feel better and like life is manageable.

vjdragonfly - thank you for your wishes! hoping you had a good day & hopefully you have a relaxing weekend ahead

the cold is hanging on but i've felt the best so far today that i have all week. i increased my medication last night and i really dislike saying things prematurely because one, it seems too soon to be real almost & two, i am on a prescribed medication for the cold that has known to cause mania in me.... BUT - today has been a GREAT day for me. i had my entire bedroom cleaned before noon, and woke up with a smile on my face. i spent time with my brother, but also took some down time to meditate & play guitar for a bit.

hope everyone has a really good weekend

i feel great today,no signs of mania present!!!!!!!!

Feeling good. Really good. No anxiety or depression. Hugs to all.

Innerzone sorry your not feeling very good. It is frustrating whenthings pile up on you. Sending good vibes your way and wishing an improvement in your mood.

Denise don't give up on us. I now things are bad, but you are a valuable person. Seek out help, you don't have to do this on your own. I'm very worried about you. Your life really does have value.

Sundog I'm glad to hear you are doing a little better. I understand the feeling of having to much time on your hands and the anxiety that comes with it. I hope your weekend turns out good.

thinker it is great to hear you are still feeling fine. You are an inspiration to all of us. I know you give me hope that things can be normal.

imyourmonster glad you are doing good today. I hope the feeling stays with you. I hope you have a wonderful weekend too.

John I'm glad you are feeling great. I hope the feeling lasts.


Doing ok today. Just trying to keep myself occupied so I don't go stir crazy. Don't really know what else to say. Everyone have a great weekend.