Bipolar and in a relationship issues

I am really depressed. My partner just said she has no one to depend on financially, like the other people at her work do. Meaning - I am a sorry loser who can't keep a job because I have bipolar and I am always getting depressed and losing it. Meaning - I am stressing her out and not a good enough partner. Little does she know, though that I am very depressed and sui and yet I have not told her or allowed her to see me even a little depressed. All so i don't stress her out. Doesn't that make me a good partner? Why can't she get that I'm bipolar and I get depressed and I sometimes go into the hospital. I don't want her to leave me, but damn, I might end up in the hospital. And then she may leave me. I am just so sad, unrelentingly sad. It will never end. I will always be this way. I am a total failure, such a loser.

You are not a total failure. People who are stay at home parents or housewives/husbands don't contribute financially to their households but are still very valuable.

Did your partner actually say all those things about you? Or are some of the negative ideas actually ideas in your head? My T always tells me not to make up stories about what my husband is thinking/meaning. I am most susceptible to making up the negative stories when I am depressed. Your partner may have just been blowing off some steam about being the wage earner and didn't mean to imply anything about you at all.

I hope the evil depression leaves you alone soon. You are valuable and a good person.

HUGS.

Lauru
What to say... when we are depressed we always think the worst... maybe you are making what she said mean things that it really doesn't
I don't know about the not telling her thing, I'm not saying to tell her but having to pretend that everything is alright seems really stressful for you. I tell my partner that I am "a bit down" when things are bad (understatement!!!) it means he knows to go easy on me, or why I am behaving differently etc
Have you got other people to talk to if you can't talk to your partner?
I'm really sorry that you feel like this, I can't imagine how trapped and stressed you feel. Remember that she might NOT leave you even if you go to hospital...
As Shakti says, your illness is lying to you.... it will not always be this way, it will end, it will get better, you are not a failure nor a looser,
YOU ARE A SURVIVOR, YOU ARE STRONG AND CAPABLE

Ok, those are thoughts in my head, but I am sure she feels that way. But I am just guessing. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am afraid to tell her about the sui thoughts and about maybe needing to go inpatient. I don't know how she will handle it. I am just so sad and so afraid. Thank you for your kind words.

I pray that she won't leave me. But I don't know for sure. It is just so hard to believe someone wants to be with me, damaged as I am. Thank you for your kind words.

Lauru; I'm sorry you have hurt feelings. Have you considered that her telling you how she was feeling is just her being open and honest with you? I know it can sting when a partner brings up something one is sensitive about, but I would prefer my partner be honest with me than bottle it up inside which could eventually result in them having resentment towards me. Every relationship has it's struggles and no person is perfect diagnosed or not. Just wanted to give a different perspective.

I can totally relate to those feelings. Try getting through it with children. I tossed away several very good and well paying jobs to pursue god knows what on my own. I failed and the experience left me and my family homeless. Now that sucks. For real. But God still loves me and I'm still here. So, all I can offer is a reminder of something I just learned on how to deal with this disease. It probably goes without saying, but you should get a good night's sleep. Get your eight hours every day. And remember that no one else can determine your worth. Only you can do that. I'll try to keep that in my mind as well.

M