Am I crazy or ?

Hello all,

Im new here, and was recently diagnosed with B.D. by my M.D. I'm going to be turning 25 years old here soon and I've known that something isn't right with me my entire life. But I think everyone thinks that I'm just crazy and B.D. patients are always going to be crazy.

When I was recently diagnosed with it, my family was totally supportive of my decision to go and get evaluated and recieve treatment. I am going to my first p-doc appointment this up coming september. Anyone have any advice for me? Im usually very shy and quiet around new people..any advice at all I would greatly appreciate.

Now, with being recently dianosed, I am also going through a pretty rough seperation with my wife. (ex wife whatever) She left me because of my B.D. and doesn't want to understand any of it at all. But yet she just finished a pysch course at our local college, so she knows these issues effect everyone. It's so hard going through this all alone now, and knowing that I pushed her away without even knowing it. I wish I could take all the mood swings back, the manic crazy me, and the depressed ready to die me. I wish that she would just stay with me and realize that I want to get better. But I can't persuade her anymore. She doesn't know how to deal with it, and I can't blame her. But it frustrates me that when I finally reach a diagnosis that could help us move on and forward, instead she runs away from the problem. I am all alone and don't know where to turn. I had someone there for me for the last 5 years and now I am all alone, and wondering if I will ever find happiness...

That's basically my train wreck of a life rapped up in a little summary...I would like to see if anyone had any advice on how to help my ex realize this is beyond self control issues...I'd appreciate it.

~A

Welcome FitPrk3 to the forum. Finally getting a dx is a great first step. I wish advice on how to get your x-wife to understand that you are working on making things better. Unfortunately it is a slow process and it takes time to get the right med cocktail. I know this must be very painful for you right now first learning you have BD and then losing your wife. Maybe with time she will see the new you. Then again some people just don't have the skills to cope. Wishing you the best and that things will start looking up for you soon. Sending you lots of hugs .

I also had a husband that lacked understanding but upon learning that I suffered from a disease and had the strong possiblitity of recover, he still left because he wasn't willing to have the patience and provide the support to enable me to acheive recovery.
It may feels like you are being hit with 2x4s from all directions but I have found that if I am willing to remain open-minded, that I can find strength through adversity.
For heaven's sake, please keep posting, keep reaching out, keep asking for help and if you feel like no one hears you, you always have the option of standing on the nearest corner and screaming "HELP" until you find a compassionate soul to reach out to you or you find the situation so ridiculous that you can find some humor in what is a horrible and lonely situation.
We are here for you, when you are overwhelmed, just keep your eye on the prize and do the next right thing. You will be in my prayers.
God bless you...
ptk

Thank you so much all of you. Honestly I broke down crying when I read those two posts, it's nice to know that other people don't think I'm crazy. I just wish I could make everyone in my life realize that I wasn't making this stuff up, including my ex..

it seems to be she is the only one that doesn't realize that this is beyond my control. I don't know if she will ever see that I couldn't help it whether I wanted to or not. But I don't think she will ever realize it. Her mother raised her so that she is very independant, and her father wasn't really in the picture. I mean he was every day, just not the right kind of father figure. Her family doesn't talk about issues. They were raised not to be weak, if your weak, your worthless. And instead of dealing with it they all go behind their own backs and talk trash about each other. She use to be very affectionate and now she isn't. She was just raised very differently. And my wife has her own issues but will never admit them. She'd rather sit on the feelings and let them drown her in misery. Her mother was bipolar and tried commiting suicide twice, then decided to openly cheat on her father to end the marriage, so she has her own issues that she needs to deal with. I've offered marriage consueling, anger managment, or just plain therapy for us but she doesn't want any part of it. Her theory is that "why do i need someone to tell me what i already know?" and it is EXTREMELY frustrating. But maybe its for the best that we are seperated. Everyday since we got together we have just gotten farther and farther apart. It kills me to say that...And it does feel like I'm being hit with 2x4's because she is changing into this completely different person that I never knew. And it kills me, it literally crushes me inside. But what can I do? I can't force her to stay. There is alot i need to talk about with a p-doc but this is my main issue is recently being diagnosed and having my wife leave me at the same time. Feels like life is just kicking me while I'm down.

Welcome FitPrk3; I would suggest tracking your mood. I have found a great one online that also has a journal function that you can note if something triggered the mood (i.e. stress, what you ate, drank etc.) Here is the link: http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

As far as your relationship, it may be a lot for her to take in right now especially her experience with her diagnosed mother. She may equate a bipolar diagnosis with cheating, suicide attempts etc. and may be scared. I think couples counseling is a great idea and I would also suggest individual counseling.

Educating myself on the illness really helped me accept it. There is a book in my signature that I would highly recommend. It's actually written for partners, family members of those diagnosed, so if your wife is willing it would be a great book for her. I hope you find this site supportive!

Thanks for the advice BlueOctober! yea i keep a journal here at home. not an electronic one...I always feel someone can hack it...I find good hiding spots. lol...but anyways. Your exactly right, she does associate cheating, and suicide and is scared. She's told me herself that she doesn't want to have to worry about me committing suicide. And i don't know if i ever would, but I do think about it terribly sometimes, and it does freak her out. Not to include that since I have that impulse reacting sometimes, there are trust issues and everything in between. So, I mean we've been together for 5 years and managed to seperate once every year. 3 of them as a result of me, 2 from her. But like I said earlier, I can't force her to stay. I've offered to go to therapy and marriage consuling, anger management and she won't have any part of it. because of her past, she went into therapy when she was 16 and refused to take part because she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her. But I'm not saying she's crazy or anything, but she does have her issues that she would rather run from than talk about....so..my hands are tied. But i will def. have to check out that book. I haven't owned a library card in years though, think I owe fines. But i will def. work something out to read it, the more literature to help handle all this, the better...

Just a heads up on the online mood tracker, you can set it so it's only visible to yourself and it's password protected. You can check out the DBSA website for info on bipolar:

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...?pagename=home

There is also a great free information booklet on the Mood Disorders of Canada website located here: http://www.mooddisorderscanada.ca/ It's on the left hand side under the tab labeled "quick facts".