Please talk to me - anyone

i would have to start the T-hunt process again.
But please hear me as a professional - interactions between sessions are ESSENTIAL - i can see how crippling it is to me to feel so totally alone; and it will set me back in T, as I need to learn to trust again. I almost feel rejected. I'm just a paying client, and all she wants from me is my money

i've got my ducks more or less in a row if things get too much- i cannot believe my T can contemplate leaving me in this situation...

Just want to let you know I've been thinking about you. Take care of yourself.

thanks Chris,
I've been OK during the day, smsing friends and stuff. But now i can feel myself crash again. Unless it's the Benzo's wearing off

ROFLMAO! Oh lonegael, you are so funny! Thanks for the much needed laugh!

Suga.... The "naughty kid" thing and fear of getting/being in trouble? I've got that issue too. We need to remember that they are working for us though!
Thinking of you...

Yes, this is very true. Is she thinking that you have some other issue going on that makes it hard for you to draw boundaries? if so, then she should come out and talk to you about this up front. You should have a crisis plan in place for the times that you are having these problems, because obviously you are having problems that your meds are not handling yet and you are not able to handle them well without some tiype of help. Obviously, i can't play T with you, so I'm just another wacked out patient (just been whacked a bit longer), but I know that something is not working here with you. Hang in there. Do what you need to do

thanks Longael. I can only see pdoc in a month-am on a cancellation list tho. But pdoc needs to understand my meds arent helping yet. I'm ready to give my stupid 100mg Lamictin and 0.5mg Klonopin ad hoc up. She needs to hear me when i say it doesnt help, and needs to have a plan in place for when i feel suicidal. Not sure if there are any anti-psychotics or sedatives she can prescribe for me to to take when i have sui ideations.
But i really appreciate everyone's support thro these terrible times. I'm numb, and drunk, right now, but better than sui ideations . All cos of you xxx

Lithium is the only medication that has been shown to prevent suicidal ideations. (So I've been told by my pdoc and t). Something to think about. You take care now.

I know lithium is not widely used in South Africa, but maybe she can suggest it once I go thro all my symptoms with her

Sugahorse,
I'm sorry you're going through all of this, but do ask about the Lithium, it helped me and lots of others.

I also went on Lithium coz of the suicide thing... made things lots better It's the reason I stay on it despite the weight gain
Also I think you Lamotrigine is too low.... I know it has to get increased slowly but this is a bit ridiculous...
It's a weird sort of relationship with T's, we tell them our darkest, deepest secrets, we struggle together through some hard journeys but there is still a distance due to the professional nature of the relationship... it is hard...

thanks Blackpup - I'm just very confused ri ght now - I know that to a certain extent I need to take ownership of my recovery - both through my T and my pdoc - but I cannot seem to be moving forward at the moment...!

sometimes moving forward is hard to see because it's tiny, little steps...but it's still moving forward..

thanks guys. I really hope i'll get there; sooner rather than later

Hello! I hope things are better by now? If not, they will be. You just have to really believe that. Things won't stay like this. Take care.

thanks. I've had days of up and days of down... Right now i don't know where i'm at

Hi suga! Uhm, I guess south Africa is a guess Will BF be home soon? It's just about that time, isn't it?

yes,he'll be back in about 18 hrs. But it's not just about him-i realise i need to learn to be happy and fufilled myself. I dont have that in me yet..
So i'll always feel lonely.

i'm so sorry sugahorse this sounds like a real bummer

thinking of you. Hope things are going better. they will get better even if it takes a while.

thanks xx feeling very emotional @ the moment, but putting on a great mask to cope..

Maybe you won't always be lonely, dear. Good that you see that you have to be able to develop this for yourself, though. A mask, though? Be carefull! wear a mask too long and you become what it is without forming much behind it. HUGGS hon.

Just wanted to know how you're doing.



Pix

Hi there, I'm ok. Not very productive @ work, but feeling very stable at the moment. Just angry @ T for making me research if the dx of BPD would not suit me better. Arg - but it's just a name.
And a typical Monday at the office is always chaotic

Sorry it's a tough Monday Hope it gets better.