Please talk to me - anyone

To be honest I think every one has personality things that impact upon their BP, whether or not they have a "personality disorder" these are what makes our triggers our triggers. The more you can learn about why your react the way you do, at home, at work, with loved ones, the more you can take control and not be upset by these things. BP has the potential to make any reaction so much worse and out of control than if there was no BP.
Please go easy on yourself, this is not an easy journey and it is ok to take time away from it when it gets to hard.
Love and prayers

thanks everyone - today I'm just surrounded by triggers!

I know, it's life in a shooting gallery. right now I'm surprised I haven't gotten myself fired by now, I feel like to many buttons have been punched the last few days.
Can you keep track of them when they come up, sug? Mine are Swedish burocrats, ignorance and cultural blindness running people's lives, and inability to handle other people's fear. for starters and I can't go into it. What are some of yours? HUGGGGS

My triggers?
People taking advantage of me (I left work @ 7:30PM instead of 5PM!)
Lack of sleep and ME time
People talking to me like I'm a no-body
Getting asked to do something by the same person every 30 minutes - I'll get round to it eventually and let you know when it's done!
Inefficiencies
Lack of customer service
People not listening to instructions and causing more chaos for me.

sugahorse, I'm not trying to be onry but I see at least two triggers that you can be in charge of. You can stop people taking advantage of you - say no. You can also change your lack of sleep and me time by changing your schedule. I've found even a slight change can make a huge difference in how I feel.

Good luck though! I hope you feel tons better soon!

Kitty - I wish it was that easy. I have a full day job that requires me to take on a great amount of responsibility - that is 8AM - 5PM. ( only wake up just before 7 to get to work in time) Last night I only finished work @ 7.30! Then had to help my boyfriend with his other business, so I got to bed @ midnight. Similar scenario the previous day.
I haven't even been able to see my horse, which is one thing that keeps me grounded.
Most of the people that take advantage of me are colleagues or bosses - technically I cannot say no... :-(
But things will eventually fall into a routine again, I'm sure

Yeah, I relate to how you feel about saying no with bosses. I've got a strong work ethic, which makes it even worse. I often do it much to my own peril (um, like tonight...on the edge of a breakdown) and even then. Sigh.

BUT. It also took me till about late 30's to realize that I needed to learn to say no, as not being able to do so was making me totally miserable. It took practice, but worthwhile. Another thing to keep in mind is that there can be more than one way to say no. One is a flat out no, but there is also the option of stating what you will do, which is, of course, setting boundaries. (So see, in this way, even technically, using this approach, you can say no! ) Things like, "I can work till 6." No explanation. Just statement.

Also beware of "have tos" and "shoulds". (Got that one right from therapy.) Framing things in that way gets to be a reflex and one which should be questioned, or at least considered. It's amazing how many things we think of this way that really aren't. Big thing on that though is that it helps with prioritizing, so that you don't always end up on the bottom.

Speaking of triggers everywhere, I was just thinking today how prone I am to triggering is directly and proportionally related to the state I'm in.

I'm in a very strange state right now. I can feel the downwards spiral lapping at me. I haven't been able to focus and do work. I'm VERY tired. Felt sick this morning and even threw up. Now i'm just feeling like a bit of a recluse

Hey, Sugahorse! We're here! Is there a way you can leave an emergency message with you p-doc--that you ARE feeling desperate? They shouldn't leave you hanging like this!

I told them I really need to see her asap. But the best they could was put me on a cancellation list. I was too anxious to answer my phone on Monday, and therefore missed an earlier opening she was going to offer me Tues morning. Stupid - I know.
Right now i'm still coping. It's been a week since the wheels came of properly. I've been using a few Benzo's, but within reason. I know that for now I must hang in there until Friday, when I see T.

i think that God has made all our moods this bipolar stuff to make us more special. so that we can meditate and come closer to Him. When i have nowhere to go, i try to pray it is hard to pray but i have to push myself. it is so sad to realize that with these moods, i cannot do anything. can't even pray........God have mercy on our souls..........I believe and know for 1000% that there is a God out there and all this suffering He is putting us through has been already written in our destinies but He can also give us strength...............Praise the Lord, please be merciful to us, your children

Hang in there, hon. Maybe you can ask BF to cut you a little slack if the folks at work can't or won't. HUGGS and rmember, it's only a day or so now....

A day or so....?? I see my T in a day, which is good. But i sometimes feel an hour to talk is not enough. And espec if you are starting to spiral down. but I'll do my best to keep it together

I hear you. Believe me. Try to remember also, that even if you spiral down, you will come up. Not comforting in the facae of all that comes with a crash, but it won't last forever, hang onto that. Can you get the BF to cut you some slack on his business? HUGGGSSSSSSS

I've told him to stick it, until
a. I get paid for my time
b. I have recovered and have some energy back.
The problem is that none of them are vaguely technologically minded, I put together a spreadsheet to help them, yet they still need me to capture and balance things.

But I need to look after myself - as much as I love him. I will just feel guilty if something goes wrong due to me not being able to help.

I'm really going crazy in my own skin right now. I feel emotional and know I can burst into tears at any moment. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I cannot hope to be productive at work. My chest is getting tight and at the same time I feel like i just want to scream.
I battle with abandonment issues. Yet I just want to run away and be left alone - to my thoughts, my emotions, my crazy brain. But then I also just want to be comforted and held...!?!? Don't know where to start, but sitting in an office is NOT ideal. But it is my routine and what I know

Awww! Wish I could make it easier for you..