Please talk to me - anyone

Thinking of you...
Hope your exam goes well and that your mood improves... we are here for you...

Thanks Blackpup and Lonegael. I'm sure it'll all be OK. Managed breakfast this AM - step forward too.
I'm really trusting that things can only look up from here. But you know how it goes - in the middle of an episode it's just you and the illness; there is no logic, and there's very little anyone can tell you..

This sentence struck me so much, it is giving me chills. VERY well put. YES. (As in... HAD to comment. It struck that big a chord...)

Hope it starts going more smoothly for you. Reach out for any support whatsoever that you may need. Without hesitation, ok?

Thinking of you today...

Hang in and take care of yourself, ok?

now even my T has let me down. She knows I have 5 days without my bf, and no support structure anyway.
Then sends me a message (yes, she's told me this before) - email and texting are for appointments only. She cannot have me e-mailing or texting her, I need to bring it up in session.
Only in the case of an emergency can I contact her i.e. as I'm about OD or similar. Hello - I'm trying to avoid this...
time for a new T, and I was just getting to trust her. But I need someoen to support me between sessions. A week alone is a LONG time

Sorry your T let you down...

I promise I'll be here the entire week, on PC, on my emails, on my phone,I know it's not the same, but I will be here nonetheless....

I am so over T - think I cannot afford to open up emotionally one more time and then get dropped.
And fed up with pdoc for making me wait a month plus... for an app - I'm losing it. I feel like I need to take myself into hospital before anyone takes me serious and makes time for me... Why the hell is it like this?!?!?

Don't give up on finding a t yet... some are really excellent. I know opening up again to someone is a mountain you don't want to climb, but it's worth it in the end.

I've been with her since March or June. We really only just started getting to the base of things. But with being BP and having a partner that doesn't understand and not much of a support system otherwise - one tends to rely on a T - I feel like giving up this whole battle - the T is useless, the pdoc is useless, my meds are useless... and most of all - no-one cares.

I can't say why, but sweety I hear you.

You don't need to be admitted to hospital to be heard, please get that thought outta your head.

If you aren't getting the support you need, then it's time to do some spring cleaning...

If someone is not beneficial, that person is detrimental... this counts for friends and health care practitioners...

WE, your PC family on the other hand, understand, and support you.
If in-hospital is what you need, THEN by all means, go for it, your safety and sanity is of tantamount importance!

no-one will hear me unless i am admitted - it's sad, i know

Thinking of you sugahorse! I really hope you feel better. If you need to go to hosp., so be it. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are important. Your T said no e-mails or texts... can you call? I know that when I am really in a bad place the only person I have to turn to is my T so I can relate to that.

Elana

i really feel rejected by my T. And too embarrassed to ask my GP for a sick note to be off work for 2 days to stay with a friend where i'll be safer. And pdoc is never available

sounds like it's time to let pdoc and T really know how you are feeling, suga. i know it's hard to trust or reach out irl but is sounds like that's what you need to do. if it means going to hosp. to get this all out, then you need to do that. often times being in a safe place-hosp.- is wise. your mood is overriding your good logic. time to reach out irl, imho. is there any reason you have not told them for real how you are feeling? i could be wrong but if you called and said what's going on i feel the pdoc would see you or t.

I'm petrified to phone T, and she doesnt appreciate text. I silenced her call earlier. Think i may get her to leave me a voice message to hold on to tomorrow.

I've told her in an e-mail how i feel towards her, and how I hold onto every word she says. How I can feel transference happening - but we didn't get around to discussing it in session

One day, one hour, one minute at a time. You know there will always be someone here to talk to. Your BF and T might not be as accessible as you want right now, but they will both be back. Remind yourself of that..for one minute, one hour, one day.

3x zopilcone (Similar to Lunesta and Ambien, and 3/4 bottle of wine - that should put me to sleep!)

(((( sugahorse ))))

I hope you get a good night's rest. Counting the days and hours and minutes with you untill your bf returns....

oh sweetie, I hope you are doing alright.

i still feel so vulnerable right now. and angry - i don't know how i can walk into a session with her on Friday, when she feels i've overstepped the boundaries of texting/e-mailing
i need a T that can help me between sessions too.
I feel like a naughty kid that's walking into a headmaster's office to be disciplined. and that scares me too.

Hey, bring that with you too! It's all stuff that you can work with! And I would be thrilled to be able to get a patient to open up with that type of stuff. It's important, Suga! Your illness brings up lots of stuff that triggers you and keeps you from handling the illness in turn; if I were your t, I'd want to know to work with you about that. Besides, it sounds beter than that horrible numb stuff you were feeling earlier. At least now, you're cooking! Huggs, dear, and good luck tomorrow!

Also, I'd want to ask her if there is a possibility of seeing her more often now that your boyfirend is out of town. If she won't text you or so on, and you are in a bad place, then you need to be honest about the med and alchohol use and tell her you need to see her more often. Many bossy HUGGGSSSS

no, i cannot see her more often
a - insurance is no longer paying
b - he's back in a few days
c - she's fully booked

are you a T by any chance? flip, i feel like terminating with her after this hurt

YEp, sad but true. I see little kids. I mean, not as hallucination, but patients. Are you going to be able to see another T if you drop her? The way things are going now, I would be scared of going T-less if there were no one else, but i can really understand your being t.' d off, no pun intended. Huggs! Gotta run! work calls!