[bridgie]

i could feel it coming for days. just the unsure of myself feeling. slightly lethargic. yesterday i couldnt breathe kept trying really hard. my normal chats with some friends were not me. i wasnt spunky and funny and lighthearted. one chat room i had to leave because it was overwhelming me. well today i was back on just kind of hovered didnt say much. but today after a couple months of not crying i broke down and cried. everything was too much my son came home and i couldnt handle any of the mess so i cried out for him to clean in and for him to do his homework. all the while bawlinh. there was no holding in anymore not this time. i am so so tired. i am even crying as i type this. i want off this rollercoaster.

[widgets]

I think sometimes is good to cry, its a release! I hope you feel better soon, do you think it would be a worth a trip to your GP?

[BlackPup]

Like widget said, you are allowed to cry... go easy on yourself. Take time to do things that make you happy... hugs

Originally Posted by bridgie

.. but today after a couple months of not crying i broke down and cried. everything was too much ... there was no holding in anymore not this time. ...

Oh.... sweetie, I am relating to this so big time that it is making me cry right now too. (Don't feel bad... it's been needed for a very long time...). The VERY same thing has been happening to me lately, culminating (thusfar) just last night. It's totally ok. I don't know if it is the same for you, but so many times I was crying inside, yet tears themselves would not manifest. Then, BOOM! No holding it back, no pretending the fear wasn't overwhelming and that it didn't hurt like hell and that "strength" was a come and go thing. And suddenly that "strength" was gone... totally and utterly gone.

The thing you talk about with feeling not yourself and overwhelmed, not being able to breathe. Yup. That preceeded it all for me too.

All this it to say... is that you are soooo not alone in this. It feels so... words escape... but you are NOT alone...

[sugahorse1]

You are just being honest with yourself with regards to your feelings - it's the first step to allow healing to take place - it is perfectly acceptable and normal - we've all been there at some time. It's not easy, but don't beat yourself up about it
(((HUGS))))

[crzyladee]

Sorry Bridgie--I hope you're feeling better today.

[lonegael]

Huggggsssss bridgie. It sounds like it was a long time coming. It's OK, let it come. The tears will stop when it's time.

[kitty004567]

Hugs! I hope you're feeling better soon. It helps me to remind myself that crying is cathartic and there's nothing wrong with letting all that out so I can start again.

[bridgie]

Now the crying has subsided but I am worn down. Still so much to do that I have to put off for the time being. I am pulled in too many directions and just want to hide instead. I snapped at my son this morning. He hasn't been the most helpful person at the moment. And I need support. He is all that is there. I am overwhelmed at the moment. Its pushing me down. I don't know if the tears will start up again. I know they release and cleanse but it is so uncomfortable. Sometimes I hope that when my son sees me feeling terrible he will pick up slack. He will listen better. I am just so tired. I need a break and have no break in sight. Here is to trying to have a tearless day.

[kitty004567]

Can you find a tiny task to do today? Sometimes I find if I do something and complete it (even something tiny) the sense of accomplishment helps me cope with doing something slightly larger. There's also the hiding option sometimes I just need to hide from all the stuff until I'm ready to cope without feeling totally overwhelmed. ((bridgie))

[sugahorse1]

I hope you have a much better day today - thinking of you xxx

[lonegael]

Ditto! Here's to the sun breaking through! HUGGS!

[bridgie]

I think I am cried out but am still so down I wish I could continue to cry. There is something about being able to cry. Rather than being unable to. I can't describe it. But I wish I could go back to the tears.

Originally Posted by bridgie

I think I am cried out but am still so down I wish I could continue to cry. There is something about being able to cry. Rather than being unable to. I can't describe it. But I wish I could go back to the tears.

Oh oh oh, sooo can relate! It's like... an inner scream to the universe with no release, yes? Or feeling that you are _beyond_ crying. It hurts... When you said yesterday that you felt worn down?... cathartic things can take a lot of energy. That's ok, they just can. Cut yourself some slack on that, ok? I would say hope you are feeling better, and I do hope that, but also, it seems it's one of those things that comes when it comes, and sometimes it doesn't, but the important thing I wish for you is to be ok with letting it have its rhythm.

[sugahorse1]

Try set yourself small tasks every day. Achieving them will result in motivation. Start small - take little steps and go easy on yourself. Ensure you get enough sleep and are eating well.
Thinking of you - btw. I know you are relying on your son for support, and he is not meeting your needs; just want to let you know that we are here for you too. I know it's a bunch of virtual friends, but our feelings and support for each other are very real. My T actually put PC on her notes as a part of my support-system; because in real-life I have a very limited support system

[lonegael]

Give it time. Sometimes it's almost like having to seed the clouds again. Or get back into practice. Hope that you start feeling more positive effects oon. NAd yep, it's exhausting! HUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSS

[bridgie]

It is helpful to know others are here going through similar things and for all of the support offered. Today I am still tired. Took a nap. But even though I am feeling blue I see a glimmer, a tiny light on the horizon. I forced myself to go to fu class as that usually make me feel a little better. Its a nice safe place. We are kind of like a little family. I am trying to just do one thing at a time because it is tiring. You are all right. This will pass. It always does.

[sugahorse1]

How are things going for you?