[BNLsMOM]

So the other day, our dog got a doughnut off the counter and my husband lost it. He yelled at the dog, berated him and put him in his crate. (which you aren't ever supposed to do. the crate is supposed to be a dog's safe haven) He held a grudge against the dog for most of the night, sending him away when he wanted to play or sit with my husband.

Today, I was hungry. There was leftover cake in the kitchen, a large piece, but not too large, and I ate it. When my husband got home from work, I was upstairs in the bathroom and I heard him scream, "You ate it all!!!" Then I heard his boots coming up the stairs stomping as hard as he could. He talked (yelled) to me through the bathroom door because I didn't dare come out and he yelled at me about eating the cake because he wanted some.

When he went downstairs, I went back into the bedroom. After a while he came up again and I told him that he was treating me like he treated the dog the other day with the doughnut. I said that he was treating me like a child, it is a piece of cake, and he could bake another one. He said that he was treating me like a child who did something bad because I did something bad. (I always thought something bad included hurting others, and not eating the last piece of cake) He said that he was disappointed in me because I did practice self restraint. I said, "You want self restraint? Take a look at all the knives in the kitchen that I DIDN'T use to cut my arms open."

WTF am I supposed to think? Now he is all upset that I am being quiet. I really don't need this kind of BS when I am on the edge anyway.

[Omers]

uhh... I don't think I have a response that could be posted without being taken down by moderators... if for language if nothing else... Know I share your anger.

[BNLsMOM]

I am still pretty keyed up about this too.

It has triggered me pretty badly.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

So the other day, our dog got a doughnut off the counter and my husband lost it. He yelled at the dog, berated him and put him in his crate. (which you aren't ever supposed to do. the crate is supposed to be a dog's safe haven) He held a grudge against the dog for most of the night, sending him away when he wanted to play or sit with my husband.

Today, I was hungry. There was leftover cake in the kitchen, a large piece, but not too large, and I ate it. When my husband got home from work, I was upstairs in the bathroom and I heard him scream, "You ate it all!!!" Then I heard his boots coming up the stairs stomping as hard as he could. He talked (yelled) to me through the bathroom door because I didn't dare come out and he yelled at me about eating the cake because he wanted some.

When he went downstairs, I went back into the bedroom. After a while he came up again and I told him that he was treating me like he treated the dog the other day with the doughnut. I said that he was treating me like a child, it is a piece of cake, and he could bake another one. He said that he was treating me like a child who did something bad because I did something bad. (I always thought something bad included hurting others, and not eating the last piece of cake) He said that he was disappointed in me because I did practice self restraint. I said, "You want self restraint? Take a look at all the knives in the kitchen that I DIDN'T use to cut my arms open."

WTF am I supposed to think? Now he is all upset that I am being quiet. I really don't need this kind of BS when I am on the edge anyway.

He's acting like an FDB. He needs to figure out why he has anger out of proportion to the situation. Not only for the way he treated you, but for the way he treated the dog, too. Guaranteed, his anger is at something else. Sheesh...and talk about acting like a child - sounds like he had a pretty impressive tantrum! Hugs, and be strong!

[robw]

I feel like I want to say something about this... but not necessarily something negative about your husband in particular. I have noticed myself acting this way, blowing up at my wife/kids over the smallest little things. Just recently have I found out that I have issues with cycling moods, and quite possibly bipolar. So I like to think, and hoping it is, that these anger outbursts are attributed to that.

Since I have found out that I am having issues with my mental health my wife and I have began communicating more. This has helped us tremendously, I let her know when I am starting to fall that way she can brace herself for the depression and possible anger fits that usually accompany it. Same for when I go up (which she usually catches on to those without me having to say anything).

Also, like PT52 said, I am sure there is something that is triggering your husband's anger fits. Might be good to sit down and just talk.

But, all in all he does not have the right to take his anger out on you (or the dog for that fact).

[eskielover]

He sounds like a selfish spoiled brat IMO. When ever there is food left around, it belongs to who ever is hungry & get's to it first.....just a fact of life.

I know how me must have felt about the donut though with your doggie. I end up forgetting that I have left a bag of chips or some other food within doggie reach (I have 3 eskie dogs that live in my master bedroom with me). If I leave the bedroom to do something down stairs, I will hear thump, thump, thump & when I get back upstairs, what ever food was left is nothing but an empty bag......grrrr. Only thing is that I can't stay mad at my babies.....I yell "bad doggies" at them, but can't know which one was the guilty party anyway. When I sit back down on my bed, they all jump on top of me & we end up in a hugging doggie pile of unconditional love. Can't imagine ever staying mad at them for anything.

Seems as though your husband has some other serious things going on that are causing his anger to be triggered on something unrelated to what he's really angry about.

No husband has a right to treat his wife is such a disrespectful way. Sounds like there may be some need for marriage counselling. Not sure how long you have been married, but that kind of treatment needs to be stopped before it becomes a habit. When I was first married to my husband, he thought sarcasm & Don Rickles humor was great.....until he continued to pull it on me. I drew the line & showed him the door if he ever tried it again......he never pulled that kind of sarcasm on me again, but there were so many other things that I finally left after 33 years of tolerating his other issues. It's not right for a spouse to mentally abuse the other & there really needs to be some professional help so that it doesn't become the standard for the marriage....it's no way to live.

[laur88]

Doughnuts and cake are great and all but that's pretty ridiculous... Is there something else that he's bottling up that might cause him to explode? (like stress at work or something...) You definitely deserve an apology, regardless! I'm sorry that happened, no fun. My dad gets pissy like that when he's stressed too (he got mad when we went to get the Christmas tree last weekend because we decided to go last minute and he "wasn't in the mood" to go... who doesn't like going to get a Christmas tree??)

Hope you and he start feeling better! Hugs!

[BNLsMOM]

I know he is stressed and is on the edge because he has taken over so many things because I have been cycling so much. I admit I am no picnic.

We go to counselling together, he goes on his own, I go on my own. I have talked at length about how my mood is unpredictable and I am trying my best, but sometimes, and lately it has been most times, my best isn't very good.

I am paranoid about many things, including thinking he hates me. Our issues add fuel to the delusion. Most of the time, I can tell myself it is a delusion, but when things like this happen, my mind tells me that it is just another way he shows how much he hates me.

TRIGGER

I have been struggling with obsessive thoughts of self harm that seem to come at random and get worse when I am upset or stressed. I am fighting these urges in a big way today, especially now.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I know he is stressed and is on the edge because he has taken over so many things because I have been cycling so much. I admit I am no picnic.

We go to counselling together, he goes on his own, I go on my own. I have talked at length about how my mood is unpredictable and I am trying my best, but sometimes, and lately it has been most times, my best isn't very good.

I am paranoid about many things, including thinking he hates me. Our issues add fuel to the delusion. Most of the time, I can tell myself it is a delusion, but when things like this happen, my mind tells me that it is just another way he shows how much he hates me.

TRIGGER

I have been struggling with obsessive thoughts of self harm that seem to come at random and get worse when I am upset or stressed. I am fighting these urges in a big way today, especially now.

Be strong! You know you can make it thru.

[BNLsMOM]

TRIGGER

I keep having the thought that I shoudl take pills until I cease to exist. The other thought I have many times every day is about cutting my wrists. It is just as disproportionate to the situation as my husband's anger is over the cake.

Fortunately I see my p-doc tomorrow so I can tell her yet again that my meds aren't working.
I saw my T today, and I was thinking that we have been making progress, and I was beginning to feel confident in myself and I feel like it was torn away from me.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

TRIGGER

I keep having the thought that I shoudl take pills until I cease to exist. The other thought I have many times every day is about cutting my wrists. It is just as disproportionate to the situation as my husband's anger is over the cake.

Fortunately I see my p-doc tomorrow so I can tell her yet again that my meds aren't working.
I saw my T today, and I was thinking that we have been making progress, and I was beginning to feel confident in myself and I feel like it was torn away from me.

Be strong, be honest -tell her everything..

[BNLsMOM]

We are going to try a different med. Going to try lamictal and see if my reaction that I had last time was a coincidence. We are going to be really cautious.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

We are going to try a different med. Going to try lamictal and see if my reaction that I had last time was a coincidence. We are going to be really cautious.

Hope it works for you!

[BNLsMOM]

Me too, because I really need its antidepressive properties.

[LaraLynn]

I just want to hug you right now. That is how this post makes me feel... that I need to reach out and hug you. I am so sad for you because I know how you are feeling...where you are right now. I am so sorry you are there. It is painful when he yells at the dogs, or the kids or even you. When they are having to take on so much because we are "lost" in our own world of depression it is hard on them. I have been dealing with the same here. It doesn't excuse their behavior, but I understand. We are supposed to be there beside them and yet we are fragile and frail. We look out through eyes that seem scared of our own shadows and how can we be expected to deal with one more thing - why now? Can't they manage to take care of things just a little while longer... we'll be ok soon I know we will...we have to be.

[BNLsMOM]

The pharmacy is out of starter packs, so I have to wait until tomorrow night to start the Lamictal.

I spent most of today asleep because I don't want to deal with anything. My T had suggested applying for state servics to help me manage my house and my childcare. I mentioned it to my parents because they are postponing their annual winter trip to the South so that they can help me. They usually spend the entire winter in Florida, but this year, they have delayed it for my grandmother's health (she has a minor surgery next week) and for my health.

When I talked about the services, my dad (who is a retired police officer) said that they would do an inspection and that they would probably get CPS involved.

I am so trapped in this disease.

This has nothing to do with my original post, but I just really have to vent. I feel like I am being pushed up against a wall and something is going to have to give.

[BlackPup]

I understand how this has wrecked your confidence. Please try to remember that his respons is because of his problems not yours. Everytime you feel yourself thinking about it and getting upset remind yourself that it is his issue not yours. You did nothing wrong - eating a cake is nothing to get upet over.

Like laralynn, I want to give you losts of s and also encourage you to keep on going cos it will get better.

Lots of Kate

[BNLsMOM]

The whole inspection, CPS thing is an old fear of mine and is the primary reason I don't usually have people over to the house. I worked really hard in therapy to feel a little better about that. Between my dad confirming my fear and my husband's reaction the other night, I feel like I never did any work in therapy at all. I took a real hit this week.

[LaraLynn]

I have a friend that got a lot of help through CPS. I know it is scary, but they can also be very helpful. If you can get help through the state there are some great services out there. CPS can help parents be able to better care for their children and if you need help they can help you.

[BNLsMOM]

Bad dog ate all the chocolate chips, but I fessed up when we were in the car and he didn't yell at me.

We just have to stop keeping this stuff in the house.

[Skully]

Whatever problem that is going on is HIS problem not yours. I know it hurts that he treated you that way but you need to heal from that in your own way. Whether he likes it or not. So if being quiet works for you then he will have to deal. Don't take on the issues of others until you feel good about yourself again
I hope things calm down a bit for you

[thinker22]

Sending you hugs. It sounds so distressing. I feel for what you are going through. Not having the right meds combo is a nightmare and having someone who is supposed to be your greatest support treat you like he did is terrible. I hope your doggie didn't get sick from those choc chips.

Take good care of yourself. I know it's hard, but this too will pass. I'm on a good meds combo finally, but it seemed like it would never happen in the 2+ years of trying and being severely depressed or out of control mixed. I wish for you and your kids all the best. Sounds like your husband needs to come to therapy with you. He seems like the type that would refuse to go, but something is keeping the both of you from effectively communicating. And that is very serious when you're so close to the edge. Call your doctor if your mood gets any worse. I hope the Lamictal helps.

[BNLsMOM]

Thinker, thanks for your words. I just want to clarify that I was the one who ate all the chocolate chips.

We have a therapy session together later today. The rest of the weeks was better. I think he is trying to be careful about having outbursts.

[thinker22]

Oh, oops. Guess I misread that. I have Reese's peanut butter chips that are always calling to me. I'm glad you're going to therapy together. Good luck.