[CesarioRose]

I want off them. Withdrawl from Lithium? 900mg/day for 2-3 weeks now. Just started Lamitcal, so i dont' think there will be anything.

and no, i don't want to talk to pdoc. he's just going to try and talk me out of it. I feel the same off the drugs as I do on them. Liyhium sucks for depression, and Lamitcal is, well, bleh. i don't have faith.

the clonzapam can be stopped, i think, fairly easy. I quit taking one for a week, then quit. was only on 1mg/day split between .5mg in the morning, and .5mg at night.

[Moose72]

As a BP 1, I wouldn't. Find something that works for you. Stopping BP meds suddenly is like coming out of warp speed in space: except you never know if you'll end up in open space, an asteroid field, inside a planet or inside a star!

[CesarioRose]

i don't care anymore. i'm sick of all of this bi polar crap. even on drugs i have mixed episodes, and spend large amounts of my time crying in front of my computer alone. hell i even had the office on, and i couldn't laugh. nothing was funny even though it was!

depression hurts for us bpII's; there is not much we can do for it. i'm not trying to belittle BP 1 sufferers, in fact i have the utmost respect for what you go through. It's just that i'm weak. i'll alwasy be weak, and quit.

i just want to live my life as plain as i can. i'll figure out ways to handle the depression, and the hypomania, well, it feels darn good.

[Perna]

Often, some part of meds aren't just for us/how we feel but for how we relate to the rest of the world. Disturbing other people in our lives is not okay.

But I mostly wonder why you told us this? It wouldn't occur to me to mention if I was/was not taking my thyroid or asthma meds. But if I don't get out of bed because I don't take my thyroid meds, that impacts my household/husband/those around me because it means they have to take more care of me because I'm not taking care of myself. If you upset other people's lives or spend their money when you're hypomanic, it seems a bit selfish to put how you "feel" against your actions (literally disturbing others) by not working to get as best a meds mix as possible.

[CesarioRose]

I'm not disturbing anyone else, or using their money; i rarely ever take even though it has been offered to help me pay for it when i was off insurance. i am just sick of having to make meds to make me feel the same when i'm off them. so i was more looking for if anyone has ever tried to taper off them manually.

[Kymaro]

Originally Posted by CesarioRose

and no, i don't want to talk to pdoc. he's just going to try and talk me out of it. I feel the same off the drugs as I do on them. Liyhium sucks for depression, and Lamitcal is, well, bleh. i don't have faith.

.

CesoraioRose:

I understand how you feel, been there and felt simular. I'm not going to try to talk you out of it because no one can but yourself. If you don't believe medications will help then they never will. Do some research on alternative treatments for depression/BP/schz KNOW your choices before making a harsh decision. The medications you listed are long lasting medications, you won't notice any significant differences for maybe a few weeks. (except the clonzapam)

Great point by Perna that its not "always about me" that matters. It's hard to remember that, I struggle with that sometimes too. But once someone told me "Some one in your life will be devastated if something went wrong". Hold on and keep trying what is best for you...it's a long tuff road but think about how "proud" you will be knowing you made it!

[Perna]

If by "manually" you mean without medical/a doctor's supervision; I would still call the pdoc and ask him how. He can't make you take the meds and would much rather you told him you wanted off and asked him how best to do that than that you "operated on yourself" and perhaps end up in the emergency room. None of us here know you or your combination of meds/etc. like he does.

[yagalada]

It's your choice if you want to go off meds, I went off mine in late 2009 but am thinking about going back on. I know with the clonazepam I had withdrawals sort of like the dt's and that was with tapering off in a hospital. I was on 2mg daily.

To be as safe as possible you *should* talk to your pdoc, I understand how awkward it can be but since I don't know exactly what you're on and why, nor am I any sort of med professional I don't feel right about saying, "sure, its okay to go off meds on your own."

My advice is that you have a good support system in place. Maybe try out some coping skills groups or something therapeutic like that. In my area we have support groups for people that go off meds so something like that may be helpful.

[CesarioRose]

Relax, i called the pdoc, and told him. we'll see what he says. But, i'm fed up. I can handle and cope with the depression on my own. I dont want lithium shadowing over me when i exercise, and now on the 5th drug, i am not sure about lamitcal. screw it. I've lost hope.

[Moose72]

Honestly, stopping your meds will only make you more depressed than you sound like you are Noe. That us not what you want!

[CesarioRose]

We'll see. I hardly have a good picture of when i was off the drugs and right before i was diagnosed. I had a hypomanic episode, and of course a depressive episode. I was dissociating a lot as a coping mechanism, i now journal a lot, and don't do that now. So, we will see how i am off the drugs. If i am worse, then i might consider going back on them.

On/off/on/off different stuff have had a lt of bad stuff happen. And i'm fed up. I don't care anymore that you have to try a lot of drugs before finding the right combo. It's time for me to live my life plain jane.

[Ryask]

It's your body, and your choice. I would not quit cold turkey..like tapper yourself off..but i don't see why you shouldn't be allowed to try it. the worst that could possibly happen is that you are unable to cope..in which case you can revisit meds..but..hell you will never know if you don't try..so i say..GO FOR IT!!! Good luck and i certainly hope your able to make it!

[CesarioRose]

I take 900mg of lithium. The plan is 300mg tonight/ 300mg tomorrow. 300mg at bed time next day. 0mg by Saturday. Wait 24hrs, quit lamicital. Then .25mg of clonazepam three times/day. wait 2 days. .25mg twice a day for two days. Then .25mg once a day for two days. I will be completely off by next saturday or sunday. (I cant count. ha ha.). I don't like how slow the weening of the clonazepam takes so long. I guess it's for my safety. But I will have to get that script filled I guess tomorrow, because i don't have enough pills. Boo.

He thought i was being foolish. Maybe he's right; maybe this is me being the same old impulsive me. But I think this is a good decision in the long run right now. It's not the right time for me to take meds for BP. I want a solid picture of me off of them, to be honest. If i am uncontrollable, then, i'm uncontrollable and i might consider going back on something.. But if it's just depression with a hint of hypomania, i think i'll be able to handle it. The suicidality that led us to this, well, A. i have a token i wear every day that life is worth living, 2. i see therapist twice a week. c. I have a much better relationship with my sister, and if things go south, i have a safe place to talk things out.

I think the reason i got suicidal was that i was bottling; and not talking. Well, i'm talking a hell of a lot now, and to a lot of people. I will also be changing my habitat to my own place, relieving a lot of anxiety and stress. A place to call my own; with a cat, and curtains, and maybe even dinner guests from time to time. I won't feel ashamed in inviting them over to hang; i won't feel like it's always disgusting because, well, yes, i too gave up.

I need to find my own place in the world. The drugs aren't going to help me. This is about me, and me alone. I want to live my life drug free, and see how i am now that i am not dissociating.

I fully believe that drugs can be of benefit to some people, and you know, they may be for me. But right now, I quite honestly do not have the drive to find out. It's not there anymore; it's gone.

I want to just be me. This is a time for strength. Strength of character and of mind. I refuse to be dominated by this illness; i REFUSE to let it rule my life.

[Moose72]

Bipolar will lie to you. It is a lying mirror of reality! I hear you about getting annoyed with meds but you most likely need SOME. Every ti
e you have an episode it will be worse than the one before.

[CesarioRose]

So, BP II turns into BP I?? I'm not trivializing this illness. I know very well the severity of what i am facing, and i am accepting the responsibilities of what might happen.

I hear your warnings, and i appreciate your advice. But for me right now meds are not right. Maybe down the line, i'll return to them.

[Moose72]

Bp 2 or Bo 1 I don't think it matters when you're talking about quitting your meds.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by CesarioRose

So, BP II turns into BP I??

For some it can. For others without treatment the illness becomes more severe and/or med resistant. For some it doesn't progress at all.

I have had symptoms since I was 8; was diagnosed at 31. For me my symptoms became worse and the illness progress. I now experience mixed episodes which change my diagnosis from BP II to BP I.

[CesarioRose]

Well, it sure feels meds resistant; i've struggled with emotional and behavior issues since I was a kid. When I was in Middle school i was highly unstable due to both my social anxiety and my abandonment fears, potentially being BP probably didn't help things. This continued to a lesser extent into High School, and I swung in and out of deep depression in College where I couldn't even move or get out of bed in the morning. You can easily say i've struggled with sometimes deep depression throughout my life, and only now have I developed tools to help me manage it on my own.

Right now, i'm fed up playing pharmacy with pdoc. Like i said, i'm not apposed to going back on them at a later date if I find that I do need them, and I build up my resolve again to play this cat and mouse game of guessing which meds will work. But right now in my life, it's not working. Frankly, i'm 24, male, single, i have been an emotional wreck for 6 months now, and 3 months of failed drug therapy. I've learned a lot about my self in the last 6 months; stuff that will help me handle this on my own.

So i stand by it, and already started reducing my lithium. But tomorrow, I should be off of that. And i don't see harm in quitting lamitical at the same time; it's only been a week on it.

[ladyjrnlist]

Lithium withdrawal can cause seizures. Be careful. Talk to you pdoc first. It's always tempting to quit the meds when we feel good. I want to also, but have been told by my pdoc tha would be a very bad idea and I would regret it.

[CesarioRose]

Oh he told me i'd regret it, he told me things will get worse; he told everything i didn't want to hear, and the truth of the matter. This is the plan he told me.

But i am not feeling good, that's why i am going off. In fact, i had a terrible night on Wednesday. I cried a bunch, and felt terrible. I'm going to do that off the meds as on them. So, i'm sick of them looming over me, and dominating my life. I need to find my own drive in life, and the drugs aren't going to help me find it.

[spiritual_emergency]

Hello CesarioRose,
There is some information here for people who are considering reducing or coming off medications: Guidelines for Reducing or Coming Off Medications

There are a number of other links there that I would also encourage you to follow up on. In particular, I would recommend Gianni Kali's Beyond Meds. She was diagnosed as bipolar at one point in time and did make an eventual withdrawal from medication. There is much that can be learned from the approaches she found helpful, particularly her utilization of alternate therapies.

Steven Morgan is also an individual who made the choice to try going without meds. You can find a bit more about him at this link -- scroll down until you see the young man with the beaming smile: New York Times: Patient Voices

Sean's blog, Bipolar or Waking Up may also contain some helpful information for you.

I'm also aware of another woman who came off medications. In her case, she also came off anything else that might be considered toxic -- coffee, cigarettes, alchohol, etc. She then spent a few years involved in intense meditation as a means of trying to understand exactly what made her tick. You can read her story here: Jane: My Spiritual Recovery

What may be a good approach for you is to do your homework first and then, begin making changes. I am in support of people attempting to reduce or come off medications but if they are going to do so, I'd far rather see them succeed. Quite often, that means avoiding a rapid response and instead, devoting yourself to a slow, steady and informed course of tapered withdrawal.


~ Namaste

[CesarioRose]

Thanks, but i've already worked out a plan with my pdoc on withdrawl from the meds. since i had only been on lithium for a few weeks, i'll be completely off by tonight. Same for the lamitical, who both share a halflife of 24 hours. I took 300mg last night, so that's the last dose. The same for the lamitical.

But thanks.

[spiritual_emergency]

Good luck with it Cesario. I hope it goes well for you.

~ Namaste