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Old Jan 23, 2011, 03:50 AM
xxAmyxx xxAmyxx is offline
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Okay this might be a long one. Sorry in advance.

First off I am new to the bipolar side of this form. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 13 (among many other things I was originally diagnosed with). I am 26 now.

I attend therapy but am no longer on meds. I have always hated the way meds would make me feel physically and mentally. I finally was able to get off of everything about 2 years ago.

The main reason I came here for support is because my bipolar almost killed my relationship.

Me and my fiancee were getting into fights a lot. Some were pretty severe yelling matches. We decided that we needed to see a couples therapist to help work out some of our issues before getting married.

We had done one individual session with this therapist and two couples. Which were pretty much "lets get your story" blah blah blah. The strange thing about this therapist was she said in the beginning "I don't believe in Medications or diagnosis" I WTFed at this and it rubbed me the wrong way and in my individual session I kept trying to tell her what I was diagnosed with and how it linked to my problems I was personally having and she didn't want to talk about that :/.

But anyways fast forward to our second individual sessions. I went first and tried to give her some more background and still felt like I was being completely ignored and degraded by comments that she made.

Then my fiance goes in for his and then when they come out the therapist says "I am canceling your couples sessions from now on you will just come for individual" (our couples was the next day and I was kind of excited for it). This confused me and I knew something wasn't right.

I eventually found out that it was because the therapist told him that he was in an emotionally abusive relationship and that "he knew what he had to do". He then decided to go around asking people what he should do about it because it all confused him. That is how I found out unfortunately :/.

We of corse got into a big fight about that because I called him while he was at school and told him he needed to come home and we needed to have a talk. I was ready to leave him because I thought "If I am this horrible person I need to leave." I was emotionally and physically abused by an ex boyfriend and the thought of me doing it to someone I loved so much made me feel sick. I knew that I wasn't but just hearing it come from a "therapist" made me sick and doubt myself.

during the fight he sent me links to sites that talked about emotional abuse and I just looked at him like he was crazy. These didn't sound like me at all. He was confused and angry at me because nothing made sense.

I finally asked him if he had ever looked up anything about my Psychological problems. He said "No". Which of course hurt me (He has combat PTSD which I researched a lot before moving in with him). He went to the computer and looked up anxiety and agoraphobia at first and then when he came up with nothing he looked to Bipolar. Bingo, Jackpot, we have a winner. The first link he pulled was a blog about a lady who had been dealing with a bipolar husband and the things to do/expect if you are with someone with the problem. Everything she said hit the nail on the head. He had a mini breakdown which included apologizing to me and saying he hated the therapist.

After that he picked up the phone to call the therapist. She was not there and he canceled all of our future appointments. The therapist herself has not tried to contact us since. Which I find strange if she was so sure he was in some kind of controlling relationship. Wouldn't a good therapist be concerned?

It has been about 2 1/2 months since that had happened. The scars of it still sit with me and when I think about it it still makes me upset.

We are both working on things now. He is learning to recognize my triggers and not to focus to much on negative things I say and get angry about them.

I had debated on becoming more active on these forms and have just now got around to it. I have a lot of things that happen to me with my illness and sometimes I just want to vent and get some support and know I am not alone.

Also my bipolar is a slower cycle bipolar. Mostly with low depression and anger. I have never reached a true mania but have a lot of Hypomanic cycles. I had always been iffy about bipolar being my diagnosis because I never had the high high mania. Then someone finally told me about the Hypomania which fit me to a tee and I finally understood my diagnosis.

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  #2  
Old Jan 23, 2011, 09:45 AM
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ladyjrnlist ladyjrnlist is offline
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Sounds like that T did more harm than good. Too bad. I'm glad your husband is trying to understand your bipolar. Mine is hard for me to even understand, let along my husband. But at least he is trying. I hope things smooth out for you. Don't give up on therapy, it is a good idea. But, you definitely need to find someone who is familiarwith bipolar. Good luck to you and welcome.
  #3  
Old Jan 23, 2011, 10:13 AM
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yagalada yagalada is offline
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I hope this comes out the right way...I hope it doesn't sound harsh, but what I have to say comes from my own experience.

I have bipolar, experience some extreme states from time to time that include delusions, mild psychosis and anger. I also have borderline personality disorder and PTSD. I'm married to overall great guy.

I have a lot of problems and unresolved anger from life events. Abuse, violence, trauma etc. I also have the bipolar thing which would influence my mood/mental state even if I had not gone through a bunch of *****. I can be a walking storm of awful but I've had to learn how to control it. My husband doesn't deserve to be yelled at just because I have a chemical imbalance.

If you and your fiancee are having problems you should find some coping skills to help communicate with each other. Not just you but both of you. Finding a good therapist you can talk to on your own, and maybe have some couples sessions. There are plenty of bad therapists out there, but there are good ones. I've been through a few therapists and have felt comfortable leaving the ones that didn't understand me.

Has your husband received any treatment for combat PTSD? EMDR can be helpful, it was for me.

You can gain control of your moods without meds, but it takes a lot of hard work.

DBT might be helpful too. It can help with ways to identify moods, and regulate feelings and how we act.
  #4  
Old Jan 23, 2011, 10:16 AM
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Moose72 Moose72 is online now
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That therapist sounds horrible! Bp is a learni g experience. Just keep reading and posting. I hope you find a good T and pdoc very soon! Sounds like you and yoyr husband have a good relationship if you researched her claims together and found them untrue. :-)
  #5  
Old Jan 23, 2011, 02:03 PM
Anonymous45023
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Hi xxAmyxx, and welcome to the forums!
Vent away. I know I do(!) (I'm very isolated socially and find the forums very helpful to not feel that way as much.) As far as therapists, it runs the gamut-- great/good/meh/bad. And sometimes it's just not a good fit. It seems to me that it's important to have one that shares your basic philosophy. When you had your WTF moment, that was probably a good clue. At least she put it right out there.

I'm not so sure if her not pursuing you for cancelling the appointments necessarily says anything about her being concerned or good. The opposite response might be... kind of "pursuing" clients, you know? And that's probably not a good thing. Besides, since it sounds like she isn't a good fit for you (making you feel your comments aren't relevant and degraded, how can that possibly help?), it leaves you free, without guilt (even though one shouldn't feel that way about it...) to look for a T that shares your basic philosophy, you know?
  #6  
Old Jan 24, 2011, 11:48 AM
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This therapist might be an excellent couples counselor, but not have experience with mental disorders, which could be why she didn't address it. One of the things you might want to consider is to find a therapist who has a lot of experience with BP, particularly if you are trying to manage without meds.. I've been to both kinds of therapists and I can say for certain that the treatments are completely different. And I think it's likely that if you are in therapy for BP, it will help your relationship.
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Thanks for this!
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  #7  
Old Jan 24, 2011, 01:24 PM
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blueoctober blueoctober is offline
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Just wanted to welcome you xxAmyxx.
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Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010

Check out my blog The Bipolar Roller Coaster: http://blueoctober.psychcentral.net/
New Post March 23 "New Therapist"
  #8  
Old Jan 24, 2011, 02:38 PM
xxAmyxx xxAmyxx is offline
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Thank you everyone. Me and my fiance are going to be moving in about a month back to my home state. I had an AMAZING therapist there whom I will be contacting immediately when I get there. She dealt really well with my bipolar.

To answer Yagalada question no he does not go to anyone for his PTSD. He did go for a while to a VA doctor/therapist but stopped because he was having issues with the VA. I have urged him to go back and see someone but I think he is waiting till we move to find someone else.

He has slight memory issues because of the PTSD which makes it extreamly hard for him to remember anything we talk about so his recount of it can get way off from what actually happened and not to mention he sometimes doesn't remember things I say that bother me. This of course sets off my bipolar just because I have trust issues and it makes me feel like he is lieing. I am very picky with details and when he can't remember something it makes me so angry .

I never want to get angry and yell at him. Even when I don't want to it is like an automatic response and I hate it. I feel so bad that he has to deal with me sometimes. I am always afraid he will leave me because of my disorder one day. I have had a lot of abandonment issues because of my disorder. Friends not wanting to be around me when they found out I had problems. Kids parents telling them to stay away from me when I was younger because of the problems. My own father stopped visiting me because of them (words from his own mouth). Because of all this I have been very introverted about my problems to people :/. I am so happy I have a community I can come to now where I know no one will think I am "crazy".

My fiance is also a member of this forum. I think he may become more active on this side if he ever needs advice. I really hope he does so instead of trying to talk to his friends about my bipolar and them thinking I am insane and telling him to leave :C.
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  #9  
Old Jan 25, 2011, 10:02 AM
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blueoctober blueoctober is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxAmyxx View Post
I never want to get angry and yell at him. Even when I don't want to it is like an automatic response and I hate it
Part of the reason it may feel like an automatic response is because you aren't on medication. I know you had posted that you didn't like how it made you feel, but it may be worth a try to speak to a pdoc again and discuss your options. Finding the right combo of meds can be very frustrating, but in my experience the effort has been worth it. You don't need to be a slave to this disorder.

Also the book in my signature is written for significant others, family members etc. I think it's excellent for both the person diagnosed and the people in their lives. Your boyfriend may find it useful.
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Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010

Check out my blog The Bipolar Roller Coaster: http://blueoctober.psychcentral.net/
New Post March 23 "New Therapist"
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