I think I have ruined a friendship

Unsure if this should be here or not so if it needs moved then please move it Mods.

Tonight I was speaking to my friend. She is probably my closest friend I have in RL. She keeps asking if I am ok and everytime she asks me I say ye I am fine or that I am ok. I don't really elobrate. I do have times I complain, moan, have needed her and she has always been there. This I am grateful for.

I don't like telling people in RL my problems and issues as I feel I am burden on them. I hate people having to think of me... I don't know why but I do.

Anyways tonight we were speaking and she asked if I was ok? I said up and down. She said about the excerise that I said I would do as I have put a bit of weight on making me larger than I should be. I spoke about it. She kept saying this will be another thing I put off and off and off. Anyways I don't know what got us talking about this but I said I hadn't been honest with her and that I had disappointed her again. She asked how. I said I have stopped taking my evening med as I dont see it doing anything to me or for me. I know I should take it but I don't want it or need it. She was really angry and said she is angry and upset and very disappointed in me. Said she doesn''t think she can talk more to me tonight. She said I need to wake up and think why I hide things from people and lie to people. This in turn hurt me. I kept saying sorry to her and she said empty sorrys though.

What do I do? Have I lost another friend cause of me being ME???

I wrote her a long email and have sent it.... explaining things

I have told her the other day I do better in emails/texts than face to face talking. I don't know why I can't talk openingly face to face

I feel I have lost her and I am upset

I think she probably just needs time to calm down. No one likes finding out they've been lied to. Just like you have to take care of yourself so does she. I think her saying that she can't talk to you anymore tonight is a good boundary. She was letting you know that she couldn't handle anymore tonight. That doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to be your friend or help you it just means she had all she could take.

I think it's wonderful that you have a friend who cares enough about you to help support you and worry about your best interest. I also think it's wonderful that she respects herself enough to take care of her as well. Think about it, if she's overloaded she not only cannot take care of herself but can't help you either.

Thanks Kitty004567,

I just worry now that I have lost her. I know you think she just need time to process everything I had said.

I just don't know what to do now. All I wanna do is cry. I have not ever been this upset in a long time over someone.

I hope writing my email to her was ok? I wrote it and then saved it, read it and added to it. Re-read it and sent it. Was this ok? Was it a bad thing? I just don't know

Why did this happen today I am seeing my CPN later today well in 12 hours time

I think it was very smart that you wrote the email, saved it and then came back to it. Hopefully that will help to clarify how you feel. The nice thing about email is she can read it when she's ready.

I also think worrying and or crying is ok, maybe you need the release. I cried yesterday because one of my friends IRL wasn't answering my texts... turned out he forgot his phone at home. I guess what I'm saying is I know how important that support is. hopefully everything will work out soon for the best.

Thanks Kitty004567,

I guess it's hard when I rely on people. I never use to rely on anyone and since becoming ill its been a constant thing I need. I have kept the email and have asked for her to read it and if she wants anything answered that I haven't included then just to ask. As I said I do better not being face to face.

When I am out with her on her own or with our other friend I am quiet cause I don't want to lower the mood or depress anyone. I do the same with our mutual friend too. I hate them wondering/asking if I am ok.

The friend in question said in a text yesterday that we would speak today and I just couldn't do it. A part from that we only had 2 hours together as she had to go. I just felt blah after that. You know when you come out of seeing the Doctor and you know the session could of went better and you didn't get to say this and that etc

If she's a true friend, I don't think this means you've lost her! She probably is upset because she does care, she does want you to be well, and she does want there to be trust and openness in your relationship.
If you do better being more open in emails, that's OK....I am much more comfortable writing than I am talking and can express my deeper emotions to my friends better in emails than face to face. Although there's no discounting the deep value in face to face communication!
I understand about it being hard to rely on others, wanting to be self-reliant......but having good friends, even just a few, that I know I can rely on actually helps me be stronger, I think!
Give yourself and your friend a little time and the emotions will begin to settle! Be gentle with yourself.....

If you thought about why you hide your mental illness from others, it's most often because it's a sensitive issue for you. If she can't understand that, then, she's never experienced a mental illness for herself. A lot of people are judgmental and say callous things to those that have it.

It's hard when friendships are involved in this - although I think she has the right to be upset - Maybe she is afraid for you, self-medicating or stopping medications are important issues. Maybe it scared her that you stopped your meds and the only way she knew how to react was with anger. Give her time. I rewrite and rewrite lots of things. Thats always good, sometimes when your upset you write things you really dont mean, so its good you went back after you settled down and made sure it was what you really wanted to say.

Thanks SophiaG,

We have cleared the air now.... She wants me to be open and honest no matter how hard it is for me. She wants to help me.

Sounds good - you got some good friends there. Sums up the other thread here too.

Thanks Kymaro,

I never saw your post so I do apologise. Your post made me think and your right. As much as I don't want help sometimes I need people to recognise when I do huh!!

I'm so glad to hear you and your friend cleared the air

Thanks Kitty004567,

I know she has always had my best interests at heart but sometimes I am over bearing and she gets annoyed with me when I do, do stupid things. But she knows I need her and I know I need her as she keeps me grounded when I really need to be