how to apologize for a manic episode/cycle to friends, family...?

So, last fall I probably had one of the most intense manic cycles of my life. I also have (mild) BPD.

Promiscuity, drunk every other night, becoming everyone's friend, doing just - really ridiculous stuff (often involving sex, seduction), leading people on, and oh raging at my now ex-boyfriend for not wanting to go to a concert with me (i pretty much went to his house, screamed at him and got my stuff back and then went off with another dude for the night...UGH), but still managing to get a 4.0 gpa in college and accomplishing a lot.

Anyway, right now I am taking a break and trying to get "well" through therapy, volunteer work, some homeopathic/holistic remedies, and exercise. It's working, I think. After my "wellness break," I hope to be able to go back out and having with my friends (the ones who are still left) and just have fun again. I feel like my reputation is stained though - people know me as the "crazy" girl.

How do I address the change that is occurring in me? Do I even at all? I want to most of all apologize to my ex. Alcohol, reckless sex, and no boundaries are no longer going to be apart of me.

Has anyone else dealt with the aftermath of a manic cycle? What type of damage control did you do?

Pale, I think all of us have had to deal with the aftermath of mania. What you described is what I lived through for years, long before I had even heard of bipolar or manic depressive. My wife and I have worked hard to keep our marriage intact despite my unfaithfulness, my rages, my depression, my f-off attitude towards others, and my ambivalence towards our kids at times. I have hurt many relationships including those closest to me. So you are not alone in your feelings and you should be able to share those feelings here without any condemnation from anyone.

That said, have you considered having your parents go to a family therapist with you? If you have a therapist who really understands what you are going through they may be able to help your family understand why you are sometimes the "crazy" girl. It may be really hard for them to understand and accept but it is worth the effort. As for your friends, once you are able to accept that you have an illness and share that with them they will either accept it and still be your friend or they won't understand it and their ignorance and unwillingness to understand will cost them a good friendship. I have lost several friends over the years who just couldn't handle knowing the real me.

Once you are comfortable with your diagnosis... I said comfortable, not liking it ...and you can talk about it without a lot of fear that people will run away, then you will discover that the power your illness has over you will begin to diminish. Mental illness carries a stigma for a lot of people. But if you accept that you have an illness and then live your life that stigma can be turned into something that you can use to educate and help others.

I hope you can find the right help to work with you as you learn to deal with your illness. Know that this will always be a safe place you can come when you are manic and ranting or when you are in the depths of depression.

Do your friends know of your diagnosis? I would just mention to them that they will start to see some changes in you ( for the good) an d then show them how you plan to act different. Actions always speak louder than words so prove to them that your behavior has changed. Good luck.

It sounds like you are doing so much to take care of yourself so you should be VERY proud of yourself for that. Great job!

I think your friends will be more understanding...I have friends who have seen me through some "crazy" times....and stuck with me through everything....that's what true friends do, even when I wasn't the best friend to them. When you are ready you can start talking to them about what was going on then, and what is going on now.

As far as your ex...i had one of those too...we were very young and i waited quite a few years before I contacted him to apologize...I knew we weren't getting back together, but I did want him to know I felt badly for my behavior and that i wasn't like that anymore...i sent him an email and he responded and told me he forgave me.

Bottom line, take care of yourself first which you seem to be doing.

thanks guys; totally, it seems the only thing you can do is just be open about what you are going through and hope/want the best will result

You can give specific apologies for your behavior without having to explain specifically why. In fact it may even be better to say "I take full responsibility for x, y and z and I'm sorry".

I have a friend who does horrible, terrible appalling things on a regular basis. She is actually notorious in the small city where I live because once she starts drinking she has literally no impulse control and says whatever offensive thing pops into her head.

She is also an all-star champion at apologies. Probably because she has to do it all the time. She is sincere and she doesn't make excuses. They are usually along the lines of "I really messed up, I understand how that affected you, nothing about that was okay, I am so sorry" and she genuinely means it.

Sometimes she also gives incredibly thoughtful little gifts that show just how well she knows what you love most.

To Family, explain your DX, and, well, I don't see why you have to apologize. If they're you're family, they'll accept you for who you are. BiPolar Disorder is as much of a mood dysregulation and emotional dysregulation as it is cognitive disruption. By that I mean, out mood states alter how we perceive and interact with reality that is not how we'd normally act when in a normal mood state. Our brain chems are so altered in one state or another we literally see the world differently, and interact with it's inhabitants in very different ways. In short, we're not thinking quite right; no one should ever have to apologize to anyone else for how they're wired, ya know? We are who we are, and while drugs can change that to a point, we continue to be who we are at the core.

Don't get me wrong, I have done a lot of apologizing for my actions, the words i say, the things i do, and write to family and friends. But I have let those go who fail to understand the whys. Those who just see the words, or the actions without context to them are... not worth having around. I'm sorry that this sounds gruff, but it's my opinion.

Thanks for this. Yeah, I guess forgiveness requires mutual humility. Unfortunately, it seems as if alot of people (i know, at least) prefer to hold a grudge and not forgive because it's their way maintaining control. Just gotta keep remembering that you've done all that you can ...