[larakeziah]

My life is one big mess!! I keep hurting the people that I love and who love me! My best friend hates me, and I have to live under the same roof as her so as you can guess the atmosphere isn't great! I got really drunk at the weekend and it turned messy. I can't tell you what happened because i don't remember. All I know is that apparently I told my friends Dad to F**k off when he told me I needed to go to bed because of the state I was in. Then when my friend found out she confronted me and apparently I kept laughing and telling her I was gonna die. I ended up on the extension roof and my friends mum shouted at me to get down of which I have a fague recollection of. The next thing I remember is walking down the street towards the hospital but couldn't tell them what had happened because I didn't know. They couldn't admit me because I was drunk so they paid for a taxi to my brothers and then my sister in law took me to my mums. I'm now back home with my friend and her parents. My friends parents are being ok with me but my friend hasn't acknowledged me. They all know about my Bipolar and have all been very supportive and I just keep messing up. This is not the first time I have done something stupid and I know the outcome could have been much worse but nothing seems to deter me from doing these stupid things. I feel like such a useless person who only brings trouble and pain to people. I don't know what to do anymore!!!

[Miss Laura]

Hey Larakeziah,

Oh dear your not in a good place are you!!

You do know alcohol mixed with your meds is not a good combination. I can not tell you not to drink as I drink on mines too but you have to be sensible with your drinking.

Can you not make a plan with your friend and her family, if your drinking you won't go back to their's you will go to your Brother's or your Mum's?

I think you really need to talk to your GP or Psych about your drinking too

[larakeziah]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Larakeziah,

Oh dear your not in a good place are you!!

You do know alcohol mixed with your meds is not a good combination. I can not tell you not to drink as I drink on mines too but you have to be sensible with your drinking.

Can you not make a plan with your friend and her family, if your drinking you won't go back to their's you will go to your Brother's or your Mum's?

I think you really need to talk to your GP or Psych about your drinking too

I don't often drink anymore, but we had a party at our house for my friends brother at the weekend so thats why I was drinking. I only usually drink once a month if that. I just don't know what triggered me off. sometimes when I drink i'm no trouble at all but then other times its like i'm someone else. I have put my family and friends through so much! I really don't think there is any way of fixing it this time. I'm losing all will now!!

[Miss Laura]

Ok Lara,

Think about it...... do you think the alcohol is a trigger? Or maybe there was too much going on that you were triggered.

How are you feeling now other than feeling like you have ruined your friendship with your friend?

[larakeziah]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Ok Lara,

Think about it...... do you think the alcohol is a trigger? Or maybe there was too much going on that you were triggered.

How are you feeling now other than feeling like you have ruined your friendship with your friend?

I feel that there is no point to my life. I've been feeling really strange for the past week or so and I still feel strange. I feel as though I have lost the little I did have. I'm tired and fed up!

[Miss Laura]

I think your feeling depressed Lara.

You are sounding a little deflated. Can you maybe make an app to see your GP tomorrow? Talk to your friend and tell her how your feeling?

[larakeziah]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I think your feeling depressed Lara.

You are sounding a little deflated. Can you maybe make an app to see your GP tomorrow? Talk to your friend and tell her how your feeling?

There's no point in trying to talk to my friend cos I know i've blown my last chance with her. There's no point in me trying to say sorry cos she's heard it all before and sorry is just a word to her now and it has no meaning. I'll just have to wait to see if she ever talks to me again. I have an appointment with my Psychologist in the morning so i'll tell her everything. I'm fed up with being such a freak. I hate the person I am!! Its all just a mess and I can feel myself falling down that black hole and I don't think i'll be able to get out of it! I'm not even sure I want to!!

[Miss Laura]

Ok its great your seeing your Psychologist in the morning that is gonna be helpful right!!!

Maybe write her a letter explaining your actionss(the ones you remember). I know what you mean my friends get sick of me saying sorry as sorry means nothing now so there is no point in saying that. We need a new word to use huh!!!

Well I am hoping tomorrow will answer so much for you. Maybe your Psychologist can help you fight the black hole.... which your not wnating to hit!!!

[larakeziah]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Ok its great your seeing your Psychologist in the morning that is gonna be helpful right!!!

Maybe write her a letter explaining your actionss(the ones you remember). I know what you mean my friends get sick of me saying sorry as sorry means nothing now so there is no point in saying that. We need a new word to use huh!!!

Well I am hoping tomorrow will answer so much for you. Maybe your Psychologist can help you fight the black hole.... which your not wnating to hit!!!

Thank you for the support!
Take care x

[Miss Laura]

Lara,

No probs at all. Just remember to talk openly to your Psychologist. Keep us updated ok!!!

xxx

[sugahorse1]

(((Lara))) I really understand. I'm in a similar boat. Questioning the purpose of my life, drinking too much, about 4 times a week, and at times having a total sense of humour failure and making a fool of myself. I get very sensitive and take things personally. I guess I'm in mild depression. I prob should see my T and work through this, but these are just my emotions. I expect the cycle to lift.
I've just realised that if people get upset with me during these times, they probably need more education.

You're doing ok. You're in the hands of people who love and care for you. If you now still feel like you're not coping-go to the hospital.

Xxx

[Miss Laura]

Hey Lara,

How did today go?? How was your Psychologist app?

Hey Suga,

Hope your feeling ok!!

xx

[kykid]

There is really only one thing I can tell you: that is to turn everything over to your higher power.

For me, this means prayer, reception of the holy Eucharist, and the sacrament of Reconciliation. I know the hurt you are feeling because I have been there. I have at times not been very kind to myself or those that I love. It is during times like this that I remember that God loves me and that I need to love myself first, and then others.

Realize that, when you find the right meds, and when you turn everything over to your higher power, you can begin to heal. Then you can repair the relationships and people that you have hurt while you were sick. All you can do is get better and make amends.

Of course, it will also be necessary for you to avoid self medicating with alcohol and drugs. Rely on your Doctor and your higher power for treatment and healing.

Originally Posted by larakeziah

My life is one big mess!! I keep hurting the people that I love and who love me! My best friend hates me, and I have to live under the same roof as her so as you can guess the atmosphere isn't great! I got really drunk at the weekend and it turned messy. I can't tell you what happened because i don't remember. All I know is that apparently I told my friends Dad to F**k off when he told me I needed to go to bed because of the state I was in. Then when my friend found out she confronted me and apparently I kept laughing and telling her I was gonna die. I ended up on the extension roof and my friends mum shouted at me to get down of which I have a fague recollection of. The next thing I remember is walking down the street towards the hospital but couldn't tell them what had happened because I didn't know. They couldn't admit me because I was drunk so they paid for a taxi to my brothers and then my sister in law took me to my mums. I'm now back home with my friend and her parents. My friends parents are being ok with me but my friend hasn't acknowledged me. They all know about my Bipolar and have all been very supportive and I just keep messing up. This is not the first time I have done something stupid and I know the outcome could have been much worse but nothing seems to deter me from doing these stupid things. I feel like such a useless person who only brings trouble and pain to people. I don't know what to do anymore!!!

[larakeziah]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Lara,

How did today go?? How was your Psychologist app?

Hey Suga,

Hope your feeling ok!!

xx

My appointment went ok thanks. I told her everything that I remembered and she said that it was good that I went to the hospital even though I was in such a state. Things are not good though, everyone hates me! My friend and her family hate me and I know they're talking about me and plotting against me. They have spies all over the place, I can hear them but I can't see them! I don't know what to do!!

[larakeziah]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

(((Lara))) I really understand. I'm in a similar boat. Questioning the purpose of my life, drinking too much, about 4 times a week, and at times having a total sense of humour failure and making a fool of myself. I get very sensitive and take things personally. I guess I'm in mild depression. I prob should see my T and work through this, but these are just my emotions. I expect the cycle to lift.
I've just realised that if people get upset with me during these times, they probably need more education.

You're doing ok. You're in the hands of people who love and care for you. If you now still feel like you're not coping-go to the hospital.

Xxx

I've lost the love and care from them all now. I went too far and they all hate me!! I can hear them talking about me and plotting against me. They have spies in the roof and all around watching me! I don't know what to do!!

[palemoss]

wow this was me in 2009.

but miraculously

i made new friends, moved out, started dating.

of course i ****ed up the dating situation. but hey, my friends are still here which is probably a huge factor in my stability.

VALUE THE FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE.