Im 16, being treated for depression but since being on anti depressants my mood has been waaay more all over the place and it was up and down beforehand anyway. In the space of a day I can feel totally normal, then totally amazing, then really anxious or agitated, and then so depressed that I'm contemplating suicide! It's sooo crazily all over the place it's driving me crazy! Do you think it sounds like it could be bipolar maybe? I have stages anyway where I act really recklessly etc, but mostly i'd been depressed but now it's really all over the place extreme in each day. Or maybe it could just be the fluoxetine making my moods even more extreme and all over the place? I really don't know opinions anyone please? Jess x

I'm sorry your going through all this so young. It can be really confusing at times.

Every time I have taken an anti depressant I have ended up very manic within a week. But I've not really experienced being up and down so quickly unless I had a lot of environmental stressors going on in my life.

I have bipolar type 1 with rapid cycling. My manic episode will usually last from two weeks to a month with medication, longer without meds. However everyone is different, and different types of bipolar, different types of cycles.

Have you talked to your psychiatrist about this? Do you have a psychiatrist or do you see a GP ?

Have you talked to your dr about feeling suicidal? It very well could be the anti depressant making you feel this way, or if it were bipolar then being on an anti depressant alone with out a mood stabilizing medication could also cause your mood to cycle.

Please talk to your doctor about this like asap! These issues are both very treatable, it could be as simple as a medication adjustment for all this craziness you are suffering to stop.

But you really do need to talk to someone about feeling suicidal.
Keep up posted on how your doing

Thanks for getting back to me! I see my cpn and psychiatrist both tomorrow and have regularly been updating my cpn by text about my mood changes, she thinks we need to tell the psych about this tomorrow. Environmental stress... Would all my gcse exams count they're stressing me out too. And it seems like I've talked about being suicidal so much that my cpn doesn't worry about it anymore because I don't act on it anymore so she doesn't see it as a big a deal. It doesn't last that long though at once anyway. I don't know, I guess I'll just see wha they say, I've only been on antidepressants just under a month so maybe it's just that I'm not used to them? I just didn't feel like the rapid extreme mood changes were normal I guess. Jess x

[Miss Laura]

Tell Psych and Pippa(CPN) tomorrow Jess. Have you told Pippa about back when we 1st started talking and you had urges to just run from your house? Also about your reckless behaviour sleeping with them guys? Then you have your depressive side which you have stated as being suicidal isolating yourself from people

Jess,
Ok well that's good your keeping her updated. And the pdoc does need to be informed.

Yes all your exams count, lots of stress especially when you trying to deal with all this other stuff at the same time. The rapid mood changes are not normal.
As far as your cpn goes, maybe it's not that she doesn't care, but that she is trusting you because you are not acting on it now and are keeping her aware and informed which is exactly what you should be doing . It's still concerning tho.

Maybe you could make a list of all your concerns for your pdoc tomorrow, so you don't forget anything. And it sounds like the suicidal thoughts are concerning to you as they probably should be. That alone makes it important to be discussing it.

Good luck at your app, let us know how it goes tomorrow.

I didn't tell her about the running away... That was back when I hadn't really opened up to her yet. I told her about partly the guys, only one time. I'd forgotten about them :/ It seems like I forget easily about what I do sometimes :L oh and I spoke to mum, she says she doesnt know because I don't really talk to her normally. She says to speak to them tomorrow, but that it doesn't fully match to me in her opinion, she said she's noticed I've been happier and that she thinks I've been loads better since I started on the meds so I don't no, she says definitely mention it, she seemed kind of angry though that I hadn't spoke to her before :/ jess x

Originally Posted by Anika

Jess,
Ok well that's good your keeping her updated. And the pdoc does need to be informed.

Yes all your exams count, lots of stress especially when you trying to deal with all this other stuff at the same time. The rapid mood changes are not normal.
As far as your cpn goes, maybe it's not that she doesn't care, but that she is trusting you because you are not acting on it now and are keeping her aware and informed which is exactly what you should be doing . It's still concerning tho.

Maybe you could make a list of all your concerns for your pdoc tomorrow, so you don't forget anything. And it sounds like the suicidal thoughts are concerning to you as they probably should be. That alone makes it important to be discussing it.

Good luck at your app, let us know how it goes tomorrow.

Thankyou I'll just try and be as honest as I can I guess that's all I can do, yeah I'll let you know. Jess x

[Miss Laura]

Jess,

Your Mum is prob annoyed your opening more up to Pippa now and not her. My Mum is the exact same. Your Mum will get over it. Tell Pippa and Dr Rai tomorrow though defo. Remember in order to get the right help we need to be honest with the professionals and also remember they can not read our minds as much as we would like them to some of the time lol.

Yeah that's something else mum seemed mad about, that I said well they would just know and she went on about how they aren't magic or mind readers blah blahblah -.- I felt bad swell because I don't open up or talk to mum and I promised her that I would, but yeah, she'll get over it... Jess x

[Miss Laura]

In time your Mum will realise that somethings are a lot harder to tell to especially to the people closest to you.

I mean my Twin knows pretty much zilcho about me and BP I just can't open up to anyone who is close in the family to me. Friends I can talk to but Family no way!!

I'm the same! But now I can't talk to friends either so I guess pippa, you and here is the only place I can talk to :/ jess x

[Miss Laura]

Aww Jess,

You know you can chat to when ever you need to. I just hope I am giving you some good advice lol

I have my Psych on Fri and CPN on Mon so I am gonna need to talk about my Mania which isn't gonna be easy. So I am with you on that.

Yeah, pippa comes with me to see psych now because she knows how I struggle to talk, so she says anything I can't which helps a lot. I saw them both today, pippa seemed to understand exactly, the psych not so much but hey I'm half way there. She knew hoe to put the feelings into words that I didn't no how, like a bottle that's been shaken up and needs to fizz out but the lid is still on -- that was exactly how I sometimes feel! I don't see her for 3 weeks now though because she's having time off and then I don't see psych for 6 weeks -- I've never been so long not seeing anybody! She says she'll ring me though so I can speak if I wanted to. They've not changed my meds or anything even though pippa said the way they have made me isn't "ideal" I'm staying on this a while longer because psych seems to think that it's normal to feel extreme moods, like I said he didn't understand - he seemed to think that what I'm thinking is an extreme mood is just happy, but I havnt been happy in so long that I'm not used to it. But I HAVE had happy times, I know what it feels like to be happy -.- made me feel a bit stupid but I no it wasn't just a good mood, what kind of good mood makes kendo stupid things and makes me feel all ahhh!??
I also have no privacy, as my dad walked in my room when I was sat with my window open sat on the window sill with my legs hanging out -- he's locked my window now!! I didn't do it because he walked in, but I felt like I needed to run away, I convinced myself I could jump onto the lower roof and then to the floor without getting hurt (I know that's a crazy idea now but at the time it didn't seem like it could possibly go wrong...) I don't no why I did it now because it's just freaked my parents put because of COURSE dad had to tell mum and turn it into an unnecessary big deal. Now they're not letting me be on my own longer than like half an hour without making me come downstairs, they're making my life even more hell! Ahh!
Hope it all goes well when you see cpn and psych!! xx

[Miss Laura]

Hey Jess,

I am so glad Pippa goes with you so as you are able to express what you are going through. Were your parents brought up to date on anything? Least she will contact you. You have us/ your folks/ helplines and your friends if you feel you can't cope while you have no support from Pippa for those 3 weeks. That's a normal time for Psych btw!! I see mines every 6 weeks too.

I am kinda with your Dad Jess unfortunately. The theroy is what if's. I know you won't jump out your window now but what if you were to do that when you were depressed? I think your Dad is just being cautious, which is understandable. I know you are fine at the moment in the sense that your not gonna "runaway" or anything but the what if's come into it for everyone.

I know the feeling Jess.... my Mum comes into my room constantly and it does my nut in honestly you would think I was 6 not 26 lol. I thought about going down to London to help my Sister's BF move up to Scotland and my Mum said "God I worry about you going into town let alone London" OMG!!!!! Mother I am safe as houses honest!!!!!!!!! Jezzo comes to mind huh!!

Thanks Jess, I am kinda dreading tomorrow and Monday. I have just found out my Friend's Wife is gonna need to deliver their Baby Daughter 3 months premature :'( so I am going up to see them on Sunday. The Baby if she survives the weekend will be born on Monday. I don't know if I am emotionally stable to cope with this at the moment. I was nearly crying when my other Friend called me. I have Race For Life on Sunday too so I am gonna have a good weekend with LOTS of up's and down's

Aw that doesn't sound good. Hope everything goes okay!
Yeah, I guess I've just gotten used to seeing her every week or 2 weeks so I'm hoping that I don't get too bad in that time so it's all okay. I understand why I worried my parents, I feel guilty now because mum told me she didn't sleep at all that night because she kept worrying that ideas going to do something stupid which makes me guilty. She says she trusts me though so if I promise I won't she believes me... ah!
I've been majorly up and down its driving me insane but I don't think it's as bad as it was before.
Sounds like a crazy weekend -- if you need to talk ever I'm here remember!!
La la la. Jess xx

[Miss Laura]

Hey Jess,

Awww your Mum seems to really want to understand Jess. I think everyone would be the same and not sleep Jess. Your Mum was defo worried and scared for you which is understandable. Thanks Jess..... have another death a Friend of a Friend's died today. Also Psych app was pretty hard but hey-ho it's all good

Hope your chilling this weekend?

[mokie]

Jess95,

Just a little bit of advise. If you can't open up to your mum and you can't remember some events keep a daily journal of the day. I was diagnosed over 20yrs and just the past 2yrs have come off of mania/psychosis which I don't remember too much of my life. So I have found that keeping a daily journal and a mood chart(will show how extreme your moods get) helps when going to pdoc in helping pdoc see what I actually go through. I too have problems explain, noticing or remembering what I have done. So the journal and mood chart really helps. I am glad to hear that you have others to be there for you. I wish I would of had that when was your age. Don't fool yourself on thinking that you can control thoughts or always have good judgement while not stable. Even when I feel stable my moods/thoughts can change with what happens in my life. So be happy that they are there to make sure your ok. Not saying that they need to be on watch for the rest of your life. Just it will take time for you and family to find what may trigger bad judgement or mood swing. If you ever need to talk I usually hear my cell even when asleep cause I want to be able to be there for my friends or some one new.

Hey mokie,Thankyou, yeah I've started writing it all down now and I take it every time I go, I don't show it to the psych, only pippa. I think it's calmed down and isn't so crazy now, I seem to be walking around in a cloud my head is literally ringing. Thankyou!
Hey Laura, aww no I hope your okay!!! I'm here feel free to text me if you need to talk!! I'm trying to be as normal as possible for fathers day but it's so hard! Hope your okay!!! Hug xxx

[Miss Laura]

Hey Jess,

How you doing? Awww I know what you mean "normal" huh lol I have just finished Race For Life only took 1 hour and 9 minutes to do 5k. I guess I have put loads of weight on and amn't as fit as I was last year as I am in agony. Been home for about an hour and I am in my bed. Took an anxiety attack half way around. my Sister really pissed me off as she was showing off in front of my Cousin. GRRRRRR!!!! Trying to be a smart ***. I'm full of the cold too which doesn't help.

Aw well done!! I'd never people to do that lol. And god, I know what you mean i can't stand my sister, we reaaaally don't ever get on. I'm okay, just stressed, it's taken so long to do everything today, even writing this -- I can't concentrate on anything it's infuriating!!!! Then my other sister is being annoying, I know she doesn't realise and she just wants to have fun but ahh she stresses me out!! Hope your okay!!! xx

[Miss Laura]

Awe Jess the joys of having siblings huh!! My Sister is my Twin and it's even harder now we are older and still live at home as we wind each other up BIG style. Thankfully I get a week's break from her as of Tuesday as she is going to Poland to attend a wedding with her BF. Woohoo!!!!

You feeling ok today? Maybe your just in a funny mood lol

I'm in my room dying of the cold feeling rather sorry for myself and upset that I can't go and see my friend's in the hospital. So far so good means Baby Sophie Catherine will be delivered tomorrow if all goes well tonight and tomorrow 3 months premature so really wanted to see my friends before then.

Got to go see CPN tomorrow. Worrying a wee bit as when I saw my Psych on Fri he said I was displaying borderline psychosis..... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! Just worried that's all

Aw hope everything is and goes okay!!! and ahh I had a week with no sister last week it was great pippa says that psych says that it's nothing to be concerned about and that my moods will "stabilise" the longer I'm on the med. -- it doesn't feel like that to me!! But I'll just go along with what they want because theres not much else I can do. How are you today? I feel just like before I started on the meds tbh, it's like it's stopped making any difference I just feel crappy again. At least my moods arent all over the place any more though...
Did it go okay with cpn? Xx

[Miss Laura]

Hey Jess,

Aww I am sure you will start feeling better now that School is nearly over for you? When do you finish up? You going on Holiday at all? The med might need a few more weeks to get going into your system. Its a chemical change in your body that's being inputed every day so give it time ok!!

CPN went ok thanks. He said I seem so much better today than I did 2 weeks ago. He said he was very concerned about me when we last spoke and was really worried about me. But he isn't so worried now. Said I need to lose weight BAH!! get more structure into my day and also need to stop stressing.... A LOT EASIER SAID THAN DONE. I go back in 3 weeks. Time flies in that hour goes in so quickly.

How have you been doing?