[nycgurl]

Hi,
My children are 5.5 and 8. I have BP II and my 8 year old daughter is beginning to vebalize some anger and resentment because "mommy is always sick", "sleeps a lot" "and doesn't want to do things." My husband and I have explained that mommy is sometimes sick and unable to do things and needs to sleep. We have also explained that mommy is trying to get bettter. My daughter has even started to notice all the medications I am on.
Since this is an "illness" my children cant' see it is very hard for them (especially the 8 year old) to understand. While, I am happy my daughter is starting to express herself I am also upset that she is so angry and resentful. I try very hard not to let her know how sad this makes me because I want her to continue to express herself.
My question is what else could or should I tell them? And how should we help her to cope with this? Is it time for her to see a therapist?
I would appreciate any help.
Best,
Jolie

[mgran]

A therapist could help her. When I started to know my mother wasn't "right" we had no diagnoses, and it led to a terrible amount of resentment, which has left scars on my brother and I to this day. Having a diagnoses will help, and a good therapist will help her to talk through it.

But again, you don't have to over therapise her, if you see what I mean... someone professional, kindly and detached from the situation can help her work through it, but I wouldn't have thought she'd need to be in therapy for years about it.

My son internalised his confusion about me, and when he was a teenager and my own diagnoses came through it was a relief to both of us. Hopefully she'll arrive at a point of compassion soon. It's a hard lesson to learn. Good luck.

[Forgive77]

I had to think about this long and hard before I answered. Some of my children are around the same age as yours. I think if you wanted to do therapy it would be fine. They'll probably never get into your BPII. They'll just talk about her feelings at the time, and the therapist will reasure her that you love her etc., and help defuse some of the anger.

Her therapist could also help give you ideas on what you "can" do with her. Like watch movies on down days, color, read books. That's what I do. I do my best to. On up days....we actually leave the house. If the down times come more often than not...it also might be time to recheck your meds. All I did was sleep like what you're talking about when I was on seraquil, and I never got used to it.

xoxoxo

[Forgive77]

Oh! Also I love my bed...I'm in it right now. Anything I can get them to do in bed with me....like play puzzles, flash cards, watch a dvd, play on my computer, my phone....and if you're lucky....they might even go to sleep too, or be quiet while you do.

[Trippin2.0]

My daughter was 6 when i told her about my dx. I explained very simply that my brain didn't make the same size 'waves' as other's and that's what meds are for,to make my brain more like hers. I've n0rmalised bp in our household as i d0n't want my daughter to ever feel ashamed of me,and if God forbid she has my bad genes,at least she grows up kn0wing it's treatable. Kids are resillient, empathetic and quite intelligent. Have a little faith, i pers0nally d0n't think therapy is even necessary. Just my opinion. Go0d luck hun. XOXO

[mokie]

I agree with mgran. My husband always told my daughter that mommy is sick right now. She does not mean to be so mad at you or she just does not understand what she is doing. They had to walk on eggshells till just recently. My daughter is 16 now and she is in therapy sessions. It really took a toll on her life. I think all children should go to a T sooner or later to help deal with a parent who is BP or any other MI. If she is already feeling resentful I think its time for her to see a T. The sooner she gets the help from someone who can explain it better then you and your husband the better. You don't want her to be the age my daughter is and feeling this way till then. It destroys them emotionally and can lead to other problems in their life. My daughter now has issues with relationships. She pushs people away in fear of getting close to them and them leaving. Wish you well and hope you find the right answer.

[Phoenix_1]

How do I explain my new diagnosis of BPII to my grown up daughters?
The oldest is 33, has 2 degrees: sociology and psychology. She thinks she knows everything, and has an impatient personality. I don't think she's like me - more like her father. My youngest is 30, but extremely religious - she thinks that Jesus will fix everything (now her I worry about). Both are married with kids of their own.
They've always knew that Mom had issues - they just never knew what they were (and neither did I until my diagnosis last month). Three months ago I told the youngest one that I was in a severe depression again, and she arranged for me to go to a religious retreat. It was nice of course, but not the answer for BPII.
My soon-to-be-ex husband (not their father) has BPI and many other issues, FAE, and I think he also has a personality disorder. He refused to see a doctor, and was totally out of control. The girls know that he is mentally ill, has BPI, and that how he treated me was awful.
How do I tell them that I have BPII? They'll immediately think of my ex, and I'm afraid that they'll cut me off and not let me see my grandkids.
Is there a safe way to tell them?

[Forgive77]

I think you need to give your kids more credit maybe. I would find the books "Loving with someone who'd living with bipolar disorder" and "Living with someone who is living with Bipolar disorder." Tell them when you're rational, and tell them when you think their mind is open. Spirituality will help with this, but the books will help them understand you're past life, and help them to see they have no blame in this, and that it's a disease you have to deal with as a family. xoxoxo Hope this helps.

[mokie]

It will be hard but you can do it. The book that forgive77 mentions is really good. It has examples of symptoms, what you may say and what they may think you mean. It has really helped my husband understand me more. It also helped my daughter and she is 16 yr. You could ask them to go with you to one of your appointments. Like your pdoc or T. You could have them go to a support group in your area. Both my moms (adopted) (biological) are very religious as well and always told me to not take my meds just pray and have faith God will heal you. He has healed me but it was up to me to keep taking my meds, understand my illness and to forgive myself for my past actions before I knew what I was dealing with. Which was over 20 yrs till now. There is a website I will look for, it had things to do with bp taking meds and things like that. I will try to find it for you and send it to you. This may help. Give them time once they do go with you to your pdoc or T. It is hard for anyone to accept this even for us. They will come around.

[mgran]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

My youngest is 30, but extremely religious - she thinks that Jesus will fix everything (now her I worry about).

I can understand your concern. In the past, when I was unmedicated, I was, not to put to fine a point on it, a Bible basher. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a Christian, I still read the Bible, I still pray. But I used to think that taking psych meds was dangerous, and forbidden by the Bible (one word in Greek in Revelations... I thought meds for mental distress were tantamount to witchcraft... as you can imagine I had to get REALLY ill before accepting help.) I used to think that my hallucinations were demons or angels, I used to think I was in direct contact with God.

Even writing the above, I'm frightened on some level that I'm denying Christ, by implying that Christianity is a mental illness. That's not what I mean at all, but I really think when I was ill I turned it into something it's not.

Sometimes I feel unhappy about my meds, because I feel (just a little bit) that they've stolen God from me, by which I mean those intense feelings I had about Him before I was diagnosed and accepted help. I used to believe that Jesus could heal me, that my mental health problems were a judgement, that psych meds were part of a conspiracy to destroy people's souls.

At the time it didn't seem crazy to me... and years before this when I was going through another episode, it didn't seem crazy to me that I thought I'd been abducted by aliens (I could even feel the implant behind my left ear, and picked at my belly button till it bled, trying to get the implant out of it.) That seemed sane to me at the time. And before that it was fairies.

I find it distressing that something I do believe in intellectual grounds has been invalidated in the eyes of others by my attacks of the "crazies." I couldn't even tell my psychiatrist that I'd been a Bible thumper, since I thought if I said anything I'd go to hell for denying Christ. This is the first time I've been honest about it... and I'm still scared.

Sorry to have waffled... hope it all made some kind of sense.

[Phoenix_1]

I don't think you're in any danger of going to hell. Jesus nurtured and healed the sick, they were special people to him. And Luke was a physician. In Jesus' day there were no medicines, and people did the best they could. When people like us were sick they said they had "demons". We know better now. Now we have medicines, and I think Jesus wants us to put our faith in our doctors to look after our bodies and in Jesus to save our souls. BP is a physical illness, because the neurotransmitters in the brain are scrambled. It messes up what you think but that's a physical manifestation of the illness, not anything to do with our souls.
God helps the helpless! Isaiah 25:4 declares, "For You have been a defense for the helpless, a defense for the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat..." Romans 5:6 tells us, "For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly."
And the Beatitudes: Matthew 5:3-12 "Blessed are the poor in spirit..."
My aunt was extremely religious, and I believe that she was Bipolar. She had no treatment, because she lived alone, and the family just thought she was different, not sick. She also lived 2000 miles away from us. I know that she's in heaven now, and I hope when I get there I have a chance to talk to her about her life.