[blackdragon]

new years day and i feel like a failer. Cant even vacum right. I got talked to for my vacuming at work. Stupid me i know better than to skip over stuff. Plus the vacums dont suck up anything and u haft to go over the same spot 3 times before its spotless. Its all my fault for the vacuming. Also its my fault for the rooms not getting done. If you havent guess i work at a hotel. I was too slow. TO TO TO slow. I am the cause of all the problems there. And i could not tell my boss how i felt, cause i caused it so no brainer there if u caused it ur to blame and ur the one who gets talked to and if u done it right then nothing would of happened. In plan lamens terms I DID IT WRONG.

So i guess your saying why are u posting this in bipolar, why not general or depression or Self injury (i will get to that)? I am posting it in here cause im off the prozac FOR GOOD, and my mood is swinging back and fourth. Two days ago i was a hyper happy girl, now all i want to do is cut and croak. In by no ways is this a suicide note cause well its not. I dont want to get up tomorrow. Im going to call in tomorrow cause of everything. So for two days i have been slowly going down. I want to cry but i cant cause whats there to cry about. So in the bathroom at work i took a pocket nife ( my trusted friend) and made a big ole cut on the leg, its deep to, i know i need stitches but since i have no insurance now, i wont get it. I been to the doctor way to many times anyway. I might just do a butterfly stitch and use bandaids to close it up. If the bloody thing would stop bleeding so much.
Well i think im going to curl up in my little fat ball and just think about how stupid i was. Just think about the world and how much of a thorn i am to it.

Happy new year to me i guess.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((bd)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. Know that we care.

KD

i'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time right now. it can seem like it is endless at times. sounds like that is how you're feeling. can you see someone at a county clinic to talk to? xoxox pat

[Lexicon78]

I'm so sorry that you are struggling so much right now. Everybody makes mistakes. You shouldn't beat yourself up over all of this right now.

You need to go to the hospital. I know every hospital has special programs for people who cannot pay or are on a limited income. You can request a form from the billing department and either get a reduced rate or free services. You def need help with that cut right now.

Hang in there. Things will clear up.

[bipolar_bear]

Please get the help you need. Most hospitals are obligated to help you even if you don't have insurance and some are for free.

Maybe you should reconsider going off the prozac right now. It really seems like it is contributing to all of this. Please try and be safe. Take care of yourself as you would others.

[blackdragon]

i went to the er. As i said in SI the docs were very nice and now im back to my netural self.

[BlueFaith]

((((blackdragon))))
I'm glad you went to th ER. You can PM me anytime you need to.

Jenn