Think I need someone to speak to?(may trigger people...)

Hey guys,

I am really unsure how to even put this down into words.... I am embarrassed to admit this I am into fetish's. The urges are getting stronger. Sometimes I am really only ever thinking about urges and my fetish.

I have been manic for well seems forever. Tonight the guy who helps with my fetish came over and we did stuff. I have never had sex before and I normally do not think about sex. I think "asexual" may describe who/what I am?????

Anyways all I wanted was sex today. I am house sitting for my Brother and I was meant to have friends over but they cancelled. So I am lonely at the moment. So I texted him and asked if he was free... I didn't think he would respond. But he did and he came over. One thing lead to another and we kinda had sex.... he never cummed in me, his penis was in my vagina.I asked him to stop as it was sore and to be honest I just wasn't enjoying it. So he played with me and I enjoyed that.

I am just really unsure I am all over the place. I am mega happy but yesterday I was crying and feeling abandoned. Tonight I was all loved up!!

The only major problem is the guy has a family and wife! I know this is mega wrong. I know this. I really do!

I am so sorry you're struggling and being involved with someone who is married. I understand you feel bad about yourself. Both of you are responsible for your choices, but I can see it's hard making responsible choices when you're manic. Don't try to beat yourself up about this. It may go agains tyour morals and against his and his family's morals, but now it happened and guilt tripping yourself won't make it better. I am off to bed soon so I have not ime to talk now, but I just wanted to say I support you and care.

Thanks Astridetal,

I am just soooo unsure what's going on. I haven't felt and or done this sort of thing since 2009. I know this is mega wrong

I do this very same thing and I am married. It's like my brain takes over my body and all I can think about is having sex with random people, I even dream about it when it's really bad. So usually the first opportunity I have sex with whoever is willing and usually afterwards I hate myself for it. I almost lost my husband over this, but I can't make him understand that it's an impulse that I usually can't control.

The only advice I can give you is to try masturbating to help lesson the desires, if you don't have any sex toys, get some. You definitely don't want to be the person responsible for a break-up in a marriage.

I hope this helps, sometimes it helps me.

Well, i for one want to say this must be hard to talk about with most people, and so i commend you on being brave enough to really talk about it. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you did, but i do feel he (having a wife and family) should not have let it go that far.There is also forum on this site that deals with this particular issue and they may be more equipped to help, so you may try there as-well. If I'm hearing you correctly your main concern is the mood swings? I suppose if that is the case i would recamend you speak to your pdoc about possibly changing some meds since i think maybe you might be in a mixed episode.

Thank you Charlene,

His wife knows he is into fetish's and she isn't into that sort of stuff.... he says his wife knows he has seen women for pleasure. I defo don't want to break up a family that's for sure.

All I could think about was how "risky" "sneaky" my behaviour is/has been and how much I am enjoying it.

This is completely new to me as usually my behaviour when Manic is reckless.... ie seld-destructive

Thanks Ryask,

I just feel really embarrassed that I have done this and that I am like this now. After he went away I bathed but it wasn't like I scrubbed I actually was just enjoying the bath.

Ok will have alook at the other forum. I just don't know what to think/feel/do

Hypersexual behaver is common for bipolars or people with personality disorders. I am married 35 years and my wife knew I was like this before we got married. I told her I could not control my impulses. She was married when we met so I was part of the reason for their divorce however I never felt guilty about it. It was a bad marriage. However I have cheated on my wife hundreds of times and we have an open marriage. Since I have been on my meds I don't have that impulse anymore. I put my wife through hell. I agree with the above poster.

Thanks Popeye,

I guess I am just needing reassurance from people who have been in similar situations like mine.

*Have posted in Sexual forum too*

You are welcome and not alone.

Ok never slept much last night....

I got about 3 hours sleep if that. Feel absoultely pants and that's putting it mildly. I have been feeling antsy all day. I managed to get to Tai Chi and do it on my own... I am usually with my Support Worker. Was pacing and talking to myself all of last night and crying this morning. Kept seeing things fly past me while I was still up and was freaking out.

Just had a major argument with my Mum about money as I have none and am stressing about my Medical which I have next Wednesday. She just doesn't get it.

Pretty shakey hands and body. Stinker of a head ache too!!

JUST SHOT ME NOW!!!

Not alone at all Miss Laura. Just this weekend, I announced to all the women in the bar that I was single, looking for sex and would do anything. I'm 23 but I like the older, more mature crowd.
This first woman to jump on the offer was 35, very overweight, and was known to frequent the bar for the sole purpose of taking strange men home. Without ever meeting the woman before, I let her drive me to her house and we had unprotected sex all night.
I don't feel bad for doing it, but am def. goin to get tested for std's.
The next night I had a deep convo with woman that has a husband, a "friend" who is also married and was turned on by our convo. I told her I would come back to see her again and when she asked if I promised, I gave her a passionate kiss on the lips.
My only concern is that I'll end up with a disease or a pissed off husband looking for me, but that doesnt seem to stop me or even cross my mind when im "in the zone."

I do the exact same thing. I just have random urges out of nowhere and they're always so strong. so, to stop myself from doing something I know I might regret, I masturbate. sometimes it takes hours until I'm completely satisfied, or until i get to tired.
I've had slip ups on occasion but it happens. don't be yourself up about it. you can always message me if you need someone to talk to.

I am married and have cheated on my husband which is very difficult to put out there. I also have my own fetishes too.

There is a Relationship and Sexual forum on here that just may help you out more than we can here.

I am always hypersexual and masterbate nightly with my vibrator.

I honestly think I have a sexual addiction.

I'm sorry you feel bad, I do crazy sexual stuff too sometimes. At times I feel bad afterwords, at times I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, my husband has known me for 17yrs, he pretty much lets me do what I want. I actually just yesterday started talking with new T-doc about it, and I am so excited because I'm not afraid to talk to him. Hopefully I can resolve it in my head soon, hope you can too!!!! I really have been in your situation, and then some, be careful.

Thanks guys,

I am at the moment in 2 minds.... (1) It was brilliant and I want to do it again and (2) I feel "dirty" and that I should not have done it.

I was in 2 minds about telling people in RL.... but in the end I didn't. I was gonna tell my Support Worker but I didn't

It's refreshing to know other's have been in my shoes

I agree with everyone! I too so some seriously scary stuff sometimes, I craigslist men, or woman, and pick who I want or how many. I'm married. My husband knows.Last time it went on for 2 months, then I felt pretty awful. But I was so happy then. You are not alone!!!! My personal opinion is, it's from sexual abuse, and I want to feel empowered.
Just personal opinion though. Take care!

Thanks Kj44,

I don't know why I do these things..... my Support Worker has said it's my self destructive behaviour that makes me do these things. Which I am starting to believe now. I am determined to not do these silly things again... but I know it's part of the illness unfortunately

I dont think its abnormal at all, i think its perfectly normal.
I would say more people have done this sort of thing, they just dont admit it, bipolar or non bipolar.
My best friend once found a guy on a site, went round his house, slept with him and then came back.
Risky behaviour is a symptom of bipolar but isnt exclusively so.
However i understand how crap it can make you feel the day after. You get the adrenaline rush from doing something you shouldnt then the come down from feeling ashamed of yourself.
I go six months without sex and then six months where i'll go with any randomer and am obsessed by sex, its not even dependant on episodes.
I was once in a mixed episode, laid in bed, thinking about sex, i got up, locked everything valuable in me and my friends house in a cupboard (very paranoid at the time, yet rightly so considering what i did) went out, found four guys leaving a night club, practically forced them back to my house and slept with two of them, as soon as i finished i kicked three of them out, but one passed out in my bed so i locked myself in the spare room all night until he was gone, cause i got my kicks and just looking at him after made me feel sick.