[crazy24/7]

I just returned from a workshop in Chicago about peer support for bipolar and depression. It was wonderful to be surrounded by others suffering (?) with the same disorder (bipolar). I learned a lot about offering support and about consumer-driven recovery. I wish I had had someone to take me through this whole drama when I was first diagnosed. It's amazing how just telling one's story makes all the difference. Any takers to tell one's story...from symptoms through diagnosis and recovery?

[Detach]

Okay, I'll bite on this one. I don't know how long this will wind up being though....

I'm 41 now, but in my 20's and 30's I suffered from depression. However, My mother is Bipolar I and I remember telling my Pdoc "just don't tell me I have Bipolar". He would ask me sometimes if I realized I was talking fast and jumping from subject to subject and I said "No, not really. But if I am that's just my personality". So, he never told me I was Bipolar. I was already on Tegretol for seizures (which is also used as a mood stabilizer), so he just prescribed antidepressants. Eventually, I stopped seeing him and had my medical MD prescribe the antidepressants. Actually I didn't see him or any Pdoc for about 5 years.

In 2009, I became extremely depressed and suicidal, then overdosed before work one day. I was found 7 hours later in a coma, then taken to the hospital and put on a ventilator in ICU. I stayed in a coma for 5 days. Then, developed aspiration pneumonia and pleural effusion. So, had to recover from that, then go to psych unit for a week.

So, while at the psych unit the social worker set up an appt. with me to see my old Pdoc, since he new me. I went to the appt. with him when I got out of the hospital. Told him what happened and how prior to depression setting in this time I felt like I had everything under control, tons of energy, then I just lost it..... Of course I had much more to say, but won't type it all here.

So, anyways, I said what the heck is wrong with me? and that's when he said you are Bipolar...I was shocked! Then, when I went to see a therapist at the same office I asked her to look at my Dx from when I use to see Pdoc yrs ago, so she looked in my chart and again it said Bipolar, but he had never told me. I think because of my fear of being like my Bipolar mom, however she refuses to believe she is bipolar even though she was in mental hospitals 3 times in her twenties and they always DX her with Bipolar and put her on Lithium. But she would go off the meds shortly after coming home and use alcohol to self medicate which in turn made her psychotic. After she left my dad no one could get her to go to the hospital during her episodes....

So, since 2009 I have seen my Pdoc regularly but had stopped seeing the therapist (big mistake). I've had several hypomanic episodes since, but was always able to stabilize mood within a reasonable amount of time with meds. However, In Aug. of this year I became hypomanic, then irritable, disorganized, forgetful mania and could not gain back control even though Pdoc increased meds a bit. So I admitted myself to a mental hospital for treatment. My dx has now changed from Bipolar II to Bipolar I.

Pdoc says I can not work right now and he doesn't know when I'll be ready to go back. So, my life is on hold right now, but I know he's right. Not only am I having med changes about every 2 weeks, but I can't handle stress.

Thanks for reading!

[madisgram]

suffered for many years with deep depression, bipolar without revealing my struggle. reached a pitch in adulthood. hopeless and helpless. mentally spent. became an alcoholic self medicating at about 38 yrs old. knew there was something very wrong with me.
sought help. got sober. had therapy regularly.
was dx'ed bipolar 1. meds were not compatible or had no affect.

i requested time at a psych hospital. T and pdoc agreed. immersed in a safe, limited stimulating environment.
had lots of group therapy, psychodrama. was observed by psych techs and nurses to ascertain my behavior on new meds.
daily therapy, 1 on 1 with my psychologist. once a week session with pdoc.
when released was in intense outpatient 5 days a week/6 months/my choice.
had desire to obtain a healthier life. willing to do what it took to get better.

end result
21 yrs stable on meds. continue therapy to deal with life triggers.
have many tools now to minimize mood swings. awareness of triggers.
call T if things seem to be going south
most importantly have a contented life and try to help others to give back by suggesting avenues to get better. offer hope.

[Miss Laura]

Symptoms- Mania

Speed Talking
Feeling Indestructable
Feeling like a Super-Hero
Speed Typing
Won't sleep
Sleep too much
Driven by a motor
Hyper-Sexuality
Talk online to men and become this different person
Won't eat or drink... no time
Cram 1 week of stuff into 1 day
Become hyper beyond my norm
Become Tigger
Drink lots- alcohol
Become extremely talkative
Fidget
Diddle my legs
Pace
Talk to myself
Psychosis
Delusions
Self harm
High anxieties
Paranoia
Refusal of meds

Symptoms-Depression

Won't sleep
Sleep too much
Won't contact people
Won't answer text/phone/door
Won't leave house
Won't wash or shower for days on end
Become a recluse
Self harm
Paranoia
High anxieties
Won't leave bed
Want to die
Suicidal thoughts and ideations
attempt suicide
Contemplate taking extra meds
Refusal of meds

History before diagnosis

Have had Insomnia all my life morre noticable since I was a teenager. Have had Depression since I was 13 years old. Parents wanted me to seek help but I refused. Would hurt myself from the age of 7 and have sever rage/anger issues. No-one else in family has any MH issues. Would be impulsive but nothing major. No-one suspected anything. Kinda all started from 2008 onwards when I started my new job as a Support Worker looking after men who all had MH issues, Challenging Behaviour, Autism and Learning Disabilities. Life was always a rollercoaster as my shifts were unpredictable as was the job. Left the family home in 2009 and moved in with a colleague and this is when I became alive and was allowed to feel free and express how I was feeling. Felt I couldn't in the family home.

Depression- 1st diagnosis

Went to my GP after crying in work over I do not know what. Nothing had happened. I was an emotional wreck. Took a friend with me and was told I was Clinically Depressed. I went back 2 weeks later and was told I was Severely Depressed. Was signed off from work for 1 month. Was on Anti-Depressant and went back to work New Year's Day 2010. Last 2 weeks in work and came off again. From Mid 2009-Jan 2010 I had been in a mixed episode I had become Manic when I was in England at a wedding with my then Boyfriend. I slept with someone else and broke up with my Boyfriend 1 hour after leaving the guy I had sex with. Had an 8 hour journey back to Scotland with the Boyo who I broke up with was not pleasent. Was told by family and friends this was not like me and was out of character for me and that I was a cold hearted *****... oops!! GP took note of that. Then came to a conclusion I needed to see a Psychiatrist after 4 different Anti-Depressants couldn't shift my suicidalness. I had been off work twice and was then back at work. Psych said I was fine which I was back then. 2 months later I was back seeing him after having a near death experience and people were concerned about my welfare.

Bipolar Diagnosis

September 2010 Psychiatrist deemed that I had Bipolar unsure what type so had to go back in a moonth after I completed a questionaire and a mood diary. October 27th 2010 diagnosis Bipolar Type 1. I was devastated although everyone including myself knew I had Bipolar. I have fought against the diagnosis to no avail. I have took the meds, fought against the meds, fought against me. I can't see me getting out of denial for a wee while yet but am working on that. As soon as I told my work my diagnosis they had to know cause I worked with vulnerable people they wanted detailed Psych and GP reports. They put me on special leave 13th January 2011 and I was sacked from work 9th May 2011. They said they could not accomodate me... which is rubbish they could and have done so with other people. I ended up on benefits. Then I got a job working for a Tyre company which I am still awaiting to start but then I had to go for a medical for the benefits company. They deemed me unfit to work as I have been delusional for over a month. Dilemma.... what do I do?

Life with diagnosis

I have to decide what to do go work 24 hour contract at the Tyre company or try and get better? I also need to tell my family why the benefits doctor deemed me unfit to work. They don't know anything as I find it very hard to talk to my family. I live 2 lives 24/7. I have great friends. I found out the hard way who my friends really were when I became ill. I have 4 amazing friends who have stood by me thick and thin. I have 4 great Support Workers I see regularly. I play Badminton on a Monday, Swimming on a Tuesday and Tai Chi on a Thursday. I also see 1 of the 4 Support Worker's once a week too for 1:1 support. I am in the process of learning coping techniques and boosting my confidence and self esteem as I have none. Fighting these demons is bloody hard work and sometimes I wish I wasn't here as it is too hard. But I am glad I am stilll alive and kicking and have people around me. If it wasn't for PC, my Support Workers and my Family/Friends I would be hospitalised. I see my GP monthly, Psychiatrist every 6 weeks and I see my Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) every month too. The only down side to my Manic side is I get threatened with beingsectioned under the mental health act quite a bit. I can not see the dangers quite a lot. But thankfully I have managed to skip the hospital. Sometimes you wish you could just go in for a week recharge your batteries and then on road again. But I know I wouldn't like it. Plus I don't think my parents would be thrilled lol!!

Wow!! just saw how long mines is I do apologise. I think this is a great thread!!!

[Detach]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I found out the hard way who my friends really were when I became ill.

Yeah, My "friend" of 13 yrs. knows what I'm going through, because my husband called her when I went to the hospital, yet she has not called me once. I saw her once because she cleans for me once a week (I pay her) and all she did was talk about herself and never even asked if I was okay, now I leave the house when she comes to clean. I'm seriously reconsidering our "friendship"....

[manicminer]

haha this is so true. i visited my college fraternity this week. I sat down with all the new members and told them my story and how the "House" had saved my life. they could believe their ears, but i had a great time with it.

[vanessaG]

I have been struggling with bipolar since i was in middle school. I remember taking a buncha pills and sleeping. I just woke up to not hearing the toilet flush! Then for a few yrs i was ok. Nobody knew what i did.

17/18/19 was baaad. I was very impulsive, then would fall into a deep depression. Cycle like rhat over n over. I had 3 suicide attempts. One of them i was found by a friend and brought in by ambulance. All i remember is being chained down and throwing up charcoal. My dad put me on counseling, the hospital held me on a 5150 and the pdoc diagnosed me with bipolar. Gave me depakote n antideppressants.

1 month later from discharged from hospital i ran away with a bad news boy. Did crazy things. Then fell into anogher deep depression. This time i attempted si and it was a very very serious one. Landed me in icu for 1 month and recovery in reg hosp 2 month and a 14hr surgery. After that i wS just put on ad' s again.

Was fine for lotsa years slight hypomanoa ans slight depression but my primarycare would only rx anti-d. Tried paxil, prozac, zoloft, lexapro, wellbutrin. Nothing worked so just gave up

Seemed ro be ok for most part till this disease is rearing its ugly head again starting this past jan. Already am on my 2nd pdoc and 1st tdoc and in process of getting my meds right- but im on lithium, lamictal, emsam, klonopin, adderall as needed. Im hoping once and for all i can get this under control!

Suffered psychosis since age 11, I was dx'd with bipolar 1 at age 17., after two suicide attempts, and one run away from the hosp. I was put on meds. I was still psychotic, however I decided the meds were not for me and neither was Bipolar. I was a homeless youth and I just wanted to go back to my "home".

I continued to struggle with many ups and downs as well as psychosis for many years, through one marriage, and three kids. I was in college starting over after I fled an abusive marriage when I had a very long bad manic episode. I managed to make it through collage, but hit a crippling depression right after, I was then dx'd a second time with Bipolar 1.

I have been in treatment ever since, five years ago. I am on disability and I found that almost as hard to accept as the illness. It has taken me many years to accept my illness and comply with meds. I am still very much a work in progress.

Sorry to cut so short, and not include everything you asked for, I am having a real hard time making any lengthy replies lately

[sugahorse1]

Depressed since 2002 (age 16).
Had a real bump in life, including a crashed relationship, end 2008.
Ended in MAJOR depression. Saw a pdoc, spent 3 days in hospital to start meds (a waste of time). 4 months later, was dx'd BP II. Approx April 2009.
May or so, OD attempt due to sever depression, and another few days in hospital.
Been doing ok thereafter, but had a major crash Aug 2010 or so. Should have been in hospital, but didn't go.
Fairly stable now. Just the odd crash, and hypomania. Was in therapy May 10 to May '11

[Anneinside]

Born in 1955. My first depression was when I was in 2nd grade. Quiet until early teenage when I tried to overdose on a Friday, woke on Sunday and no one noticed. I never told anyone except my tdoc. Had a fairly stable adulthood, just intermittent hypomania that I didn't recognize but can see looking back now. My husband left and three months later my daughter died 1992 and I became suicidal/depressed. Was hospitalized for a month. Followed with a 2 year depression. Saw a good tdoc and pdoc. Had 3 suicide attempts at OD. Recovered and then went to grad school and had intermittent periods of what I thought was anxiety but was hypomania about every 3 to 4 months. In 2000 became depressed again... for 2 years again even with treatment. I had to leave work for 1 1/2 semesters (I was a professor), returning to work part-time for one semester and lasted about four weeks after I started teaching again. I have been on disability ever since. I continue to have episodes of both depression (primarily) and some hypomania. Have been hospitalized about 15 times, the last time was 18 days starting just before the 4th of July so I had to tell my mother that I was hospitalized and couldn't come to visit. Currently have ECT maintenance about every 2 weeks. Started Emsam, an MAOI after I was hospitalized. Now taking Emsam, Lamotrigine, Propranolol, Abilify, Ambien, Klonopin and Vytorin (for high cholesterol).