[Detach]

So, my "friend" called yesterday.. "finally".. (I've been home from hospital 3 1/2 weeks). I have my hands dirty from cooking, so literally I wash my hands, go listen to her message-She had said on her message that she was on the way to a baby shower, but wanted to talk to me and see if I was ok, since she hadn't talked to me in so longgg.

Anyway, I decide to call her back. This all took a whole 4 minutes "maybe" before I called her back. Well, I call her right back and she says- Oh I just got to the baby shower (I could hear people in the background), I say "WHAT... you JUST called me to talk??", she says "oh, I know, but I'm here now, so I'll call you later", I say "ok, whatever, bye" then I hung up. That was at 2:30 pm ....and she never called me back.....UNBELIEVABLE! Plus, what, she was going to let me have a whole 4 minutes of her time if I had answered the phone?

By the way, I have seen her twice since I was home. She cleans for me on Fridays-she needs the money and I hate cleaning. I think she let me talk for 5 min., then she talked for about 40 min. Since the last time that happened about 2 weeks ago, I now leave the house when she's coming to clean.

My Tdoc told me to call her, if she wasn't calling me and if she was selfish and monopolizing the conversation with no regard for what I've been through, then I would know she was not the type of friend that I could rely on, but maybe the type of friend I could go out and do something with here and there. I just have been scared to call her in fear that she's going to act the way she's been acting and I'm gonna flip out and tell her off!

[missbelle]

She is no friend.....what she does is not being any friend. She is totally involved in "her." There is no room for anyone but her. Take care of yourself and reach out to others that will actually care about you!!! They are out there!!

Hugs;

[likewater]

I agree with missbelle

[roads]

Maybe she's self-centered & sleepwalking? I'm trying to give her a chance here (since you call her friend) before I say exit her stage left, hinnie kicked.

I guess I'd try to explain that feeling that you have to leave your home while a friend cleans it just doesn't add up. It really doesnt. See what she says.

But if she clings to her empty yappy ways, I'd find someone else to clean & consider her, sadly, history--or move her down to acquaintance level. Go do things, see a flick, whatever, if that appeals. Otherwise, your life's space is open for a new someone. Could be your best friend ever.

[Detach]

Yeah, you are all correct. Plus, I don't need a friend to go to the show or go shopping- hell I can do that by myself!

I need a friend where the relationship is give and take, not take, take, take and take some more, because she's oblivious that I exist outside of her using me as her therapist when she's down and out.

I just find it so sad that after 14 yrs she seems to care very little for me or what I might be going through. However, I have not been the type in the past to hold on to a friendship if it's not working and this is definitely not working for me. I literally feel slapped in the face and a complete fool for thinking she would be there for me as I've been there for her time and time again.

[Detach]

I just had to re-post because I was thinking....Why is this driving me so crazy?

It's because I was hurt, then angry, then hurt again....and I thought I had to .."do".. something to change the situation. However, I can't change her, therefore can not change the situation.

I thought about sending her an e-mail or a text letting her know what a lousy friend she is- but then realized I would only be hurting myself in the long run, because then I'd be thinking of "her" more, then I already am. On top of the fact that she'll just go around town making me out to look like an idiot and/or a fool, gossiping to who ever will listen to her.

So, I'm just going to try to put her out of my mind completely after today, as if she doesn't exist and if she does call, give her as much of my time, as she's given to me. What is it they say- An eye for an eye?... I already know she doesn't care about what I'm going through, therefore is a crappy friend, so why DO anything to change it.....

Thanks for listening...

[~Christina]

dijmart !

I personally have HUGE trust issues so it takes me a while to really trust someone and consider them a friend .. that said ,, If this person in your life is all " about her" then she is really not a friend .. You know all this ...

It hurts like hell when we aloow someone into our crazy lives only to find they arent returning the love and support you are giving.
Im very sorry you have to go thru this mess ....((((hugs))))

Wishing you Love and Peace and all the real support in this world